Tips for a 'hyperactive' girl

[BergamotMouse]

DD is 6 and never stops!! I'd suspect ADHD but she is impeccable behaved at school. It all explodes at home. I know girls can mask but don't feel I would get anywhere with GP help if the behaviours are not evident in school.

So I'm looking for tips on the best ways to manage her behaviour without destroying her self esteem. She is well behaved but exhausting and it's easy to get frustrated.

Examples.
She can not walk down a street without spinning, jumping and generally flailing around. This gets worse if we hold her hand as it gives her something to launch off.

She climbs a lot and does gymnastics everywhere (she is in a club).

She doesn't sleep until gone 9 despite being full on all day. She spends all her time outdoors and is inexhaustible.

As the day goes on she gets more and more manic. This evening she was so wired at bedtime we couldn't get through her bedtime story due to general convulsing around the bed. This then resulted in tears. I really don't think she can control it.

So assuming she's on the energetic side of 'neurotypical' can anyone give hints about how to embrace her quirks and all without always having to tell her her behaviour is inappropriate. I'm 2 weeks into the holiday and exhausted.

Bump

Google proprioceptive input, certain activities might help her. All body activities so gym is good. Maybe film her at home so you have something to show the GP?

It would definitely be worth be worth talking to the GP and school as it does sound excessive.

Otherwise things like fidget and movement toys at home so she can still move but also 'relax' for a bit. Will she watch telly?

This website has some good ideas https://www.sensorydirect.com/condition/autism-asd/best-for-play-stimulation

This is what I was going to suggest.

maybe look at things like weighted blankets to help with settling to sleep

She can not walk down a street without spinning, jumping and generally flailing around. This gets worse if we hold her hand as it gives her something to launch off. Is she bumping into people and causing a hindrance? If you hold her hand to cross the road is she a danger to herself? Can you focus on that so she's looking out for people and standing still or moving out the way. If she doesn't stand still before crossing the road you don't cross so she's late for stuff or she's carried like a baby. Thankfully we have wide pavements and grassy bits so DS knows he just has to keep out of the way

She climbs a lot and does gymnastics everywhere (she is in a club) any space at home for a climbing wall or similar? Otherwise lots of park time?

She doesn't sleep until gone 9 despite being full on all day. She spends all her time outdoors and is inexhaustible. What's her bedtime routine? Will she sit and read it bed or listen to an audio book from say 8? DS is easier now he knows he can sit and read.

This evening she was so wired at bedtime we couldn't get through her bedtime story due to general convulsing around the bed. Again natural consequences. I don't read unless DS is sat in bed and my reading runs out at 8. If he's fully wired I might read whilst he has a flail around but he has to be in bed for the last book.

Thanks. Will definitely have a read about proprioceptive input. I'll try and get some videos but feel it comes across as energetic child and it's difficult to get across that it's more the never ending nature that's exhausting rather than the specific behaviours themselves.

SleepingStandingUp. That's all really helpful. She can cross roads safely whilst holding hands. She does have a lack of awareness of those around her. I also have a 3 year old and it makes me avoid enclosed spaces as it can be hard work.

We have a big garden which she lives in most of the time. We have a climbing frame and she's always doing acrobatics on her rope. A lot of cartwheels and handstands too. It's much easier in the summer when she can get outside all the time. In winter we do lots of walks.

Her bedtime routine is good. And she listens to audio books every night. She's no work at night but I worry she's not getting enough sleep for her age. I guess she never seems tired. We do have a weighted blanket somewhere - I'll dig it out tonight!!

We have a mini trampoline inside. I use it for exercise but our DC also use it a lot to burn off energy in the evening. Something like that might help? Or a full size trampoline if you've space for it in the garden.

Your DD does sound as though she has got ADHD , It would be worth getting her assessed. Both of my DS and I have got ADHD so I know how exhausting it can be. My youngest DS would never sleep until medication was given ( after diagnosis) but you could try phenergen. Does your DD have days where she seems to just 'crash' and need a lot more sleep?
As for activities, dancing classes, climbing, trampoline lessons ( buy a trampoline for home?) , pretty much anything where she can move will all help. The walking /dancing/jumping when on the path is all normal but if it worries you because of road safety then you will have to persevere with teaching her road safety but make it into a fun activity- how many red cars can she see? which colour car is nearest to the crossing etc ?
The story at bedtime is great but I had to accept that it wasn't always possible so sometimes we would play i=spy instead or just talk for 10 minutes because my DS would lots of things on his mind that he needed to off load.

It sounds pretty normal to me, in that my DS(7) is similar, as are about 60% of his friends. You can not wear them out, and we are all struggling a bit with bedtime ATM - I recognise your description of "convulsing" around the bed, although I usually think of it as flipping around like a landed fish. If she is well behaved and crosses roads safely with you I think it's just energy and will settle in time.

Apparently my brothers and I were the same and we all turned out fine. My DM took up transcendental meditation which she still practices and recommends I try.

I would invest in some decent outdoors gear so she can be out in all weather if that helps her and gives you a minute too!

We bought a big outdoor climbing frame/swing/slide set for my daughter at that age. The best addition we made was to add monkey bars and a trapeze so she could dangle upside down- it was the only thing that seemed to calm her.

She also has a weighted blanket which helps a lot at bedtime. She used to struggle to sleep so that and an audiobook work wonders here. She loves the sensory input of "tight hugs" and fidget toys help as well as a big gym ball she can wiggle on.

Read the book too fast, too tight, too loud, too bright. She sounds sensory seeking and while I'm sure it's exhausting, nurturing this will be brilliant for her. Gymnastics and dance sound perfect.

You may find that as she gets older and moves into junior years (year 3 to 6) it may be more evident in school. They are expected to sit and concentrate for longer periods of time.

It started to become obvious to the teachers and school during year 3 for my son. He's now moving up to year 6 and we are waiting for an assessment.

My 6 year old DD is also showing similar signs (like yours).

I'm afraid I don't have many tips although Melatonin spray has been a godsend at bedtime. Instead of being a writhing mess she is now calm and falls asleep easily, and falls asleep at 8pm instead of 9.

Could you afford private assessment OP? This sounds a lot like my 8yo DD who also masked well in school until about 12 months ago. Even now what is seen in school is just the very tip of the iceburg, and she holds it together 'just enough' at school as getting told off is hugely upsetting to her. Although it is enough to stop her working and achieving, it isn't disruptive to the class and her achievement hasn't fallen enough to meet the school's threshold for referral (because she's actually pretty smart as now evidenced through testing, she just struggles to maintain focus which then yields average achievement), despite them finally admitting to observing various behaviours over the last year. We spoke to the GP who was happy to try his route, but he warned how much harder it was and after a number of years of other (not DC-related) 'battles' and the very high chance I also have ADHD with all the associated procrastination issues (I'm also 'in the system' awaiting further assessment), I'm worn through so have taken the slightly easier route, chucked money at it, and gone private. It was pretty clear cut to the private doctor both from all the paperwork, assessments, and in person assessment she has ADHD and hypermobility, and it is highly likely ASD too (we're awaiting further assessment for that). I could have kissed the woman after 6 years of raising concerns to the school to be told I was imagining it/making it into more than it is/my expectations were too high/she's where she should be etc etc. It had been so obvious to us!

What makes things more manageable for us:
Plenty of exercise! We really notice it both in behaviour and sleep if she hasn't had much. She does various sports/active activities both organised clubs and with us, but we also keep her active generally by walking to school and sending her out to play on the climbing frame in the garden when needed (although she takes herself out there a lot too).
Independent reading in bed to wind down and help clear the mind of thoughts before lights out.
A slightly later bedtime yields an earlier 'actually asleep' time.
Visual timetables and reminders to help with working memory/executive function issues.
Breathing techniques to calm down when needed.
She has a maths tutor. She never gets the more challenging work at school because she either doesn't finish the standard work or makes silly mistakes between working out the answer and writing it down (both caused by distraction), so gets bored, more distracted etc in a downward cycle. The tutor gives her fun and challenging work whilst also making sure she hasn't missed some crucial bit of learning whilst daydreaming out the window! This has hugely improved her confidence and ability.
Asking her to repeat instructions back to us, pinching a finger for each thing to remember. She often appears not to be listening (because she doesn't like to maintain eye contact) but is, but also daydreams a lot so this checks she's heard us plus hopefully solidify the instructions in her brain so she's more likely to remember them! We also don't give more than a few instructions at a time.
Her room is a tip, and she finds tidying it very difficult. She just doesn't 'see' the mess. I set generous timers for one very specific thing at a time eg 10 mins to pick up any clothes and put them in the wash/back in your wardrobe, with a check-in half way through each timer to refocus her as she'll predictably get distracted by something completely different.
Picking battles like accepting she's going to watch most of the film standing up. My only rule is she stand back so we can all still see the TV! Ditto when reading to her. She also rolls around all over the place if left to her own devices. Something to fiddle with works well here: she still gets the physical/sensory input she needs without causing a huge distraction to the person trying to read, and she still absorbs the story perfectly well.

Diet is also supposed to help, but can't comment how much as she already had a really good diet.

I'm sure there are other things we do to compensate without even thinking about it - I'll keep thinking!

Thank you all, some great advice here.

How does a private assessment work? I feel they would see the school side of her if it's based observation.

Would they require any input from the school. I've asked them a few times but they say she is a consistently calm presence in the classroom. I guess it might become more apparent as she's required to sit for longer.

We also have issues with constipation (which she's medicated for) but general toilet refusal until absolutely desperate which doesn't help with the jitteriness.

I do think I might overhaul her diet, I guess the advice is no sugar or additives. Think I've heard something about fish oil too.

Diet is something that you can easily make changes to if your DD likes trying new things. Processed foods tend to have too many ingredients that can cause ADHD to be worse so we have eggs for breakfast, I make snacks or its fruit, and meals are made from scratch so that we know what they contain. Both of my DS are now older and have been taught to cook from scratch so often make dinner for all of us. Fish oil supplements are a good idea too . There is a website called ADDtitude that has lots of good reference material and ways to help both you and your DD

Be careful of the private diagnosis route just yet, you can get yourself into a hole of nhs not recognising the diagnosis and not agreeing to shared care and then paying privately for meds.

ADHD becomes more and more obvious as the child gets older, 6 is usually the minimum age a child will be considered for a diagnosis.
I knew from my daughter being 5, school refused to see anything, it took going to juniors (7) for the teacher to recognise it. Turns out that primary do like to ignore these things due to the age of the children despite seeing the behaviour.

have a frank conversation with your class teacher voicing your concerns, keep all your evidence of behaviours to hand. The teacher may then start seeing things she’d normally have ignored as normal for a kid.
school do usually need to be onboard to get a diagnosis, but it’s not limited to school. Evidence can be provided by after school clubs etc, the criteria is “2 settings” so home + 1 other.

The adhd brain is a lot slower to develop than a NT one! At about 6 the differences start to show and by the time a child is 10 they are only developed to around an 8year old level. I was told by an ADHD practitioner that I can expect my child to be 24 by the time they reach the maturity of a NT 18yr old.

The negativity part of the brain also develops first. So you need to praise, praise and praise them. Try and ignore the negative behaviours, pick your battles. ADHD behaviours attract alot of negative criticism and you end up with a child who gets alot of negative reinforcement and their self esteem drops through the floor.

Hi OP- this is an old post, but wondering how is your DD now?

She’s still bonkers!! Very active and chaotic and intense.

But has been referred for a combined ADHD and autism assessment by school.
She has also been diagnosed as dyslexic.

Generally struggling at school which is probably the dyslexia.

She can have some quite intense meltdowns so I think there’s some additional neurodiversity there.

But mostly she’s happy. We just have to make sure we exercise her like a sheepdog!!

Thank you for coming back! Bless her, that must be hard. It's good the school are on top of things and pushed for an assessment. Hopefully that will bring some clarity.

My DD is very similar, without the dyslexia. No meltdowns but she's becoming more and more hyper as she gets older. Drives us mad and she's losing friends as she is so young in her behaviour. Have no idea how to help her. School think ASD but they don't see her hyper side.

All the best to you and your DD x