Child is making me depressed

[Thatsthatthen87]

My son is making my life a misery. He's severely autistic and obviously i love him more than anything and I love being with him mostly because he's sweet, funny and generally gorgeous. But he's like jekyll and Hyde. As soon as something goes wrong, he starts throwing stuff, being violent, biting, kicking, pinching. I'm literally covered in bruises. He runs away from me when we're out. I try to meet all his needs, including sensory, but the peace over ever lasts for so long. I've been crying all day, feel completely in despair, I can't keep him or me safe. I've called to make a GP appointment but I don't know what they can even do. Can ANYONE relate to this?

Oh I’m so so sorry. I just want to say I totally understand. My son is doing a bit better now but I remember once stopping the car on the way back from preschool to sit and cry for a few minutes and honestly thinking ‘what will I do?’ I felt like the worst mum ever. He used to even bite me if I did something he disliked ie put him in the high chair etc. It has got a lot better now, he has more support since diagnosis and I know how to help him a bit more.

Have you any support from social services? I would call them and annoy them until they offer you something - some respite can make the difference between coping mostly and not coping at all.

That sounds overwhelmingly hard. Do you get any break and chance to do something for yourself? Caring for a dc with extra needs is so full on, you need rest and time off to be able to cope, anyone would. I hope your GP knows of some support that might be available for your situation. Hang on in there OP, you're doing amazing.

Luckily his dad is very involved but he's struggling too, it's relentless, especially during the holidays. I feel guilty for having him tbh. Can't even buy anything without thinking 'will this get broken or thrown?'

My income is low and likely to remain that why so fuck knows what I'll do when he's bigger and stronger than me. Can't afford for him to be in residential care.

a mother can sort of manage 24/7 with a newborn infant because they are so physically linked that it’s almost an extension of being in the womb. Even that initial few months when babies are utterly helpless is a huge mental strain.

one person can’t be everything for someone else indefinitely. It’s too much for you because it is too much for anyone.

calling your GP for help is a good first step. Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t downplay the situation when you get a chance to explain what is going on. Getting help won’t be quick or simple, but never feel bad for asking.

calling your GP for help is a good first step. Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t downplay the situation when you get a chance to explain what is going on. Getting help won’t be quick or simple, but never feel bad for asking.

Thank you, I won't downplay it, I can see why people commit suicide quite frankly.

His is an issue for people once their kids get older and bigger. They get too big to hold off and restrain. The GP should be able to make referrals for helpful services. Are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to like DLA and carers etc? Does your dh take him half the time? You can ask social services to undertake an occ health at home assessment to see if you need any adaptations at home. It sounds like something now needs to change as he is getting older. Is he at a special or mainstream school. They can also make referrals. 🍷💆🏽‍♀️💐

I have found camhs brilliant and only waited 3 months. I feel better now services are involved but I still fantasise about running away and I am thinking of taking up drinking wine in the evenings so….

I'm just going to have to be 'that' parent and push for help of some sort. I feel so sad and sorry for him, he's such an amazing little person, I'm just struggling with his difficulties. :(

You’re definitely not ‘that’ parent. ‘That’ parent is the one who barges into nursery to complain their child’s jumper isn’t packed in their bag then reveals that their child was wearing a nursery jumper (like the other 30 kids) with no name tag in it and expects the teacher to pluck the jumper from thin air.

You’re just a mum trying to get some help for their obviously much loved child. Try to also see yourself as needing help - you sound so dedicated to your son and wanting his best self to shine through which is totally understand but do you get any time to look after yourself?

@Kanaloa thank you :) I think his dad and I are equally involved, it's a complicated situation and I don't want to out myself but at least I'm not doing it all by myself but I'm worried about the future and the impact on everyone, including his siblings. Even when I'm at work or whatever I'm on edge thinking about what might be happening although that's fairly normal for all parents really.