Help saying no thank you

[nothankyoucolleague]

I’ve name changed for this and need some advice please. A colleague of mine has 2 kids the same ages as my DC and would like to meet up with the kids outside of work. We have done this previously and whilst it has been OK, I am not too keen on doing so in future. Having now spent time with her outside of work I’m not sure that she is that nice a person, my DP isn’t too keen on her DH and our parenting styles are very different. I’ve declined invites to days out where we have been genuinely busy, and have said repeatedly that I am thinly stretched with work / the DC / family commitments, but she isn’t getting the hint and keeps asking to meet. Obviously I am not too busy 100% of the time and half of me thinks why not, but I don’t want to feel browbeaten into spending time with someone I don’t feel I gel with, and it also feels disingenuous to do so because I feel that way. What can I say to her? I’ve ignored a few emails now and feel bad doing so. I don’t wish her ill, I don’t want to insult her or hurt her feelings. We do also have to continue working in the same place, although thankfully not too closely.

Hmm awkward one. Does she def always want to do (expensive) days out, if so you could blame cost of living and say you're just having a quiet summer at home and while you appreciate her inviting you it's just too tempting to blow the budget so would she mind not including you in future? That won't work though if she just says 'no problem we'll come round to your house instead!'

I can think of other excuses lies also but (a) there's always a risk of getting found out and that could be embarrassing at work and (b) if she's that thick skinned she'll probably still try and find ways around it. I think maybe you just need to go very brief, 'sorry, thanks for the invites but we're really not able to meet up at all for the forseeable' and hope she just drops it then?

Yes keep it vague and take the ball into your own court.

ie "thanks for the thought but we have a lot going on here at the moment; I'll be in touch if it ever calms down (laughing emoji).

How's that. Then it says that you will be in touch when you can and hopefully she will stop getting in touch with you.

Thanks @maxelly, really appreciate the response. Sadly she's up for cheap days out - happy to meet in the park, go for a walk etc and she isn't a complete CF so is fair about taking turns for coffees / ice creams for the DC etc.

You're right, I don't really want to make up excuses or lie - for obvious reasons! We actually had family staying with us for a while during house renovations and I actually said the "we can't meet up for the foreseeable" then, can I use it again?! They've moved out now (and again, they didn't stop me and DC leaving the house to meet her )

Whatever you do, don't give any explanation or excuse. That is just an invitation to have your excuse bulldozed out of the way.

@Chamomileteaplease 's draft is pretty spot on, taking the initiative back yourself and leaving the door open incase you do ever want to get together with no awkwardness

Of course you don't have to spend your time with someone just because they are so keen for your company. Nor should you draft your children along against your inclination or gut instinct. Have at that answer now 😀