Struggling again after returning to work after mental health leave

[wednesdayswewearpink]

I had 2 months off due to poor mental health and I've been on a phased return with reduced responsibilities. The aspect I've been struggling the most with is meetings with colleagues. I'm not sure why, I think it's a combination of feeling nervous about people seeing me back and wondering what they think about me being off for so long, and also seeing colleagues who started at the same time as me being ahead of me and I can just see how much progress and growth they have had whilst I've stalled. I'm fine in meetings with my manager/HR or meetings with a clear structure/agenda, but in the more open-ended meetings that are more chatty and informal I just close up and feel anxious.

Meetings with colleagues is a big part of my role and I'm concerned now that I've opened up to my manager and HR about it they will think I'm unsuitable for my job. I'm still on a phased return though and have made a lot of progress, so I'm not sure if this is just a temporary blip. I felt like I had much so much progress and was feeling calm and confident but today I was so anxious before and during meetings and felt like I have just made no progress. I felt tearful and upset just like I was before I got signed off work.

Does anyone have any advice or has been through something similar?

It's perfectly normal to still be feeling wobbly, especially as you are only just settling back in. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are found great. You have done the hardest bit by doing those firsts.

It will likely get gradually easier but it may not be linear. Expect a few up and down bumps along the road as you settle back in.

Those people who you are anxious around. Well they most likely have either hidden mental health problems or stuff going on in their own lives they don't talk about. They probably aren't paying as much attention to you as you think. Also, mental health is much more talked about now so it won't be as shocking to them.

You need to give yourself a pat on the back and treat yourself for all of the hard work and resilience you are putting in to your recovery. Well done you. You are doing fab!

Thank you, your reply has made me feel a lot better