How to get little children to stop fighting

[Anonykunt]

I've seen a hands off approach recommended on here. I think mine at 6 and 2 are a bit young for that. My 6 year old is considerably stronger. They rough play, roll around etc until my 2 year old either deliberately or accidentally hurts my 6 year old. My 6 year old will hit him furiously then lots of crying from both sides.

I don't feel like I can separate them as it would leave the 6yo alone and he'd be jealous. I don't want to leave the two yo alone.

If They are not play fighting they play together untll my 2 yo plays in a way my 6yo doesn't like.
My 6yo often moves my 2yo toys to make him cross and this really pushes my buttons as my 2yo has the most ear splitting scream and it shreds my nerves. I've tried to be gentle about this, I've shouted but it makes no difference.

We play in the garden, go on day trips out so I think they do get enough exercise.

TIA for any ideas

I don't know but perhaps there is jealousy between them. The only thing that works with my 2 is separating them when they fight.

two playpens and a book and headphones for you. Job done.

No rough play. The age gap is too big and the old idea it’s necessary is outdated.

If 6yo moves 2yo toys to annoy him deliberately, 6 yo needs to go somewhere else.

Give them ideas of things they can play together. Unfortunately at these ages it is going to involve a lot of input from you but will stand you in good stead later.

two playpens

6 yo in a playpen!?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder! You might need to seperate them for a bit now and then just to manage the situation, if you can't be involved in what they're doing. You couldn't necessarily be able to leave a two year old alone for extended periods and you can't expect the six year old to watch him. It's not forever but you probably aren't able to just leave them to it for now without someone getting hurt, but it won't be long until it gets better.

@minipie I'd love to see the 6 year old's face! A dog crate for each child might work while I cook. 🤔

I think the 6 year old will be able to get out..

OP have you read that book Siblings Without Rivalry? I remember it being good, though annoyingly can't remember anything specific off the top of my head.

why not....it would make the point

Yeah no rough play, stop the rolling around/ play fighting. In my opion that only ever leads to trouble anyway.

Make it a clear rule that if the 6 year old moves/hides the little one's toys he gets a Time out (outside the room). If he persistently breaks the rule he loses a favourite toy for the day.

If they both want the same toy uses a giant sand timer for turn taking (these are very useful for all sorts of things).

Jobs / games they can do together to encourage cooperation.
dusting/ reorganising toy boxes/ sorting books/ baking biscuits or cakes

Any rough play equalled naughty step for DSs at that stage. Zero tolerance when you have that age mix, I’m afraid.

I’d like to report it gets better but it just changes in my experience. DSs get along some of the time now they’re 9 and 6 but frankly they bicker a great deal and we simply separate them. DS1 is now a past master at winding his brother up subtly until DS2 snaps and tries to thump him whilst DS1 says ‘but I didn’t do anything!’. Unfortunately for DS1 my DSis and I had a very similar relationship (I’m older) so I can spot this a mile off. BUT they don’t rough house at all. Not permitted.

I agree with PPs - no rough play, separate them immediately every time. The fact that the 6yo won’t like this is part of the point! Or can you create a safe space (his room with a baggage on the door) for the 2yo?

And encourage and model turn taking and sharing lots. I’d recommend How to Talk So Kids Will Listen as a good book with useful techniques, especially for the 6yo.

Mine are the same, 7 and 4.
I usually have to separate them by sending the 7 year old upstairs when they start getting too rough.

so I have a 2 and a 3 year old so this is a problem I face on a daily basis. I haven’t cracked it by any means, but here is what I do:

no hitting rule is consistently and firmly enforced. Obvs some hitting still happens but they are both separated and my 3 year old will have a consequence (my 2 year old is only just 2, so he will just be removed from whatever situation it is and I will repeat that we don’t hit etc)

I am always vigilant to stop a fight before it becomes one if I can, by distracting etc.

try to split up playtime’s into some independent play and then some joint play, they fight more when they are together longer

favourite toys are not always shared, rather they can be played with away from the other one (for example my older one had a great toy recently that I knew would get trashed by her brother, so she plays with that on her own at the table or in her room) although most stuff we try to share.

I am keen on asking them to talk to each other nicely, say please can I have, rather than taking (again mixed results at this age but sometimes they really surprise me with how kind they can be)

I remind constantly about being kind, taking turns, sharing, no hitting, that we look after each other etc and praise lots for kind behaviour.

we have lots of outside time where they are not stuck together, which I think helps everyone.

I do think some kids are more likely to get on than others though - good luck x

Thanks everyone. I think I will see if I can check the Siblings book out of the library. I have actually got the How to Talk to Little Children... book and found it very useful when 6 yo was younger but now he does things which the book doesn't have a solution for. I will cut the rough play out immediately.

The reason I didn't want to separate them is because 6 yo is still quite jealous of 2 yo. He berates me for having another child. I will try it though. We often do that when DH is home.

Separate them when you’re not directly supervising them but do it through activities - eg while you’re making dinner the two year old is up beside you on a step “helping” or in playpen and the 6 year old gets a chance to play with Lego or other toys that 2 year olds tend to spoil.