Sensitive question- personal care-TMI warning

[crochetmonkey74]

I am currently doing some personal care for a family member, she is not old or infirm, she's had an injury that means she can't do personal care for herself at the moment.
I feel like I'm keeping her nice and clean, but I'm noticing light yellow stains in her underwear at the end of the day. She has no problems with incontinence or anything Wipes and cloths come away clean, and I am diligent when cleaning her. I tend to wear black underwear so I have no way of knowing is this normal or am I doing a terrible job? I am not a troll, been a MNetter for years. I just hate the feeling of not looking after her properly, but equally don't want to be too OTT in the cleaning. There's no way I can ask anyone in real life if their white pants have marks in them. What am I doing wrong or am I worrying about a normal thing? Sorry this is all TMI

Ask her - it may be her regular discharge, it may be a sign of thrush or an infection, but until you know if it's normal for her, you won't be able to find out

This is why panty liners are sold.

You sounds like you're doing a great job, she must be really grateful.

It's more at the back which is why I thought it's my cleaning. I should just ask her but I'm just really aware of her keeping her dignity so a sort of 'do you normally have this' seems intrusive , which sounds stupid now I'm saying it as I am doing personal care. I just want her to maintain her dignity, she is really grateful but as itsa new thing, she's mortified as you can imagine

If it's a small amount (a small stain that's dry in her underwear) and there's no sign of infection (sore skin/smell) I'd just ignore it.

What is she spending her day sitting/lying on?

I get bad skin there (yeast infection) if I sit on leather or plastic upholstered chairs (like the ones lots of people have their dining chair cushions covered in) or the plasticky hospital chairs.

When you are saying it's at the back and yellow do you mean stool or a creamy discharge?

If discharge then could be totally normal, can you ask your relative? If it's excessive could be thrush when she's not moving about so much/cleaning herself as much/in bed so warmer and moister.

If its stool again ask what her normal is. Some people who have haemorrhoids or previous vaginal tears have issues with leakage/smearing after wiping. Not ideal but can be well managed if it is not normal for her then may need some attention..if she's on strong painkillers post accident she could be constipated which could be causing overflow.

OP, having been in a similar situation to the lady you are caring for (I spent 5 weeks in a coma followed by another 3 months on rehabilitation wards in hospital, mostly completely incontinent and unable to clean/wash myself), I'd much rather have been asked in a discreet way if anything the nursing or healthcare staff may have found unusual was normal for me than them have not said anything and left me potentially uncomfortable and/or with a potential infection. There are ways you could phrase the question which would have absolute minimal impact on dignity. IF this is a sign of a problem, this lady's dignity may be compromised if she needs treatment which may mean somebody else may need to make medical enquiries on her behalf and/or administer a treatment.

It's dry and in the fabric very light yellow. Pants are 100 percent cotton . She's on a normal settee sitting with legs up then bed at night. It's sort of normal enough that it doesn't look like a problem but I wasn't sure if white pants look like that normally when people tale them off as I only have black ones

Tbh when you are undertaking this sort of care you need to develop a slightly pragmatic attitude to things like this - yes of course dignity and maintaining it is inherent to care, but so is involving the PT as much as possible in their care. Speak to her. It is her body, she can tell you better than anyone.

I don't think that's any cause for concern. A lot of women have varying degrees of normal discharge. It's what keeps the vagina clean, moist and prevents infection.

In fact, it can be worse to be too over zealous cleaning that area. Switch to fragrance free wipes and soap as a precaution?

Assuming she hasn't lost sensation and can communicate normally then she would tell you if she was uncomfortable, in pain or suspected an infection wouldn't she?

I really don't think this is worth humiliating her over. I'd be very embarrassed to be questioned about a tiny dry mark on my knickers.

Thanks for advice all

This is normal for me. Rub it with a bar of soap before putting in the wash.

If I wear black underwear, the crotch turns orange!