Has anyone lost an adored pet? How did you manage the grief?

[JustlookingNotbuying]

My wonderful, beautiful dog Archie was pts yesterday.
He was 10 and had been such a strong boy, he has suffered from 3 cancers since Jan 2020.
He had a Mast Cell Tumour removed from his back in 2020 but with a very positive prognosis.
Sadly though, we received a very poor prognosis in April 2021 when a huge tumour in his spleen was discovered. The spleen was removed and he went way, way past the few weeks prognosis he was given and 15 months later I really thought he had become a miracle case. But sadly a month ago we discovered he had a huge liver tumour. We knew we could only give palliative care and I had hoped we would have a few more months.
He did really well during this month but took a turn for the worse on Sunday night. A trip to the vet yesterday and a scan showed the tumour had started to break up and bleed, he said Archie would probably not see the day out. Archie looked so poorly, we had no choice.
I know it is early days but we are all so bereft.
He was with me almost 24/7. I got him 10 years ago as I was a SAHM and went into a depression when the kids went to school. He really helped me. We would walk 3 times a day, met loads of lovely dog people on our walks, they all loved Archie. I even re-connected with my old best friend from primary school as she had just got a dog, we have become firm friends ever since.
I also became a dog walker due to my love of dogs and Archie would often come with me on our hikes.
My husband adored him, ds too.
Our 14 year old dd loved him so very much, he would sit with her when she returned from school. She was 4 when we got Archie (she says she does remember a life without him), she would push him around in her Peppa Pig pram, he loved it. She is so down and says she feels so depressed without him.
Every single corner of our house reminds me of him, it’s so painful knowing his fluffy little face isn’t going to be here to greet us.
I know some people just don’t understand pet grief but this is so real and so painful for us, he was the centre of our world.
Have you lost a much loved pet?
How did you cope and when did the pain start to lessen?

I remind myself it's the price I pay for the lovely years we have them. That's all I can say, really. You just have to get through it, it's inevitable.

On a practical level, balance distraction with indulgence. Know that you're going to have a sob in the shower later, but pull your boots on and go shopping/cinema/out for a drink first.

picklemewalnuts thank you. I know that’s all the right thing to do. We’ve got to keep busy and tell ourselves that he had the best life, we’ve lost him but he never lost us.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Archie sounds like he was a wonderful boy.

It is absolutely real grief and incredibly painful. All I can say from experience is that it lessens with time and that initial sharp pain will numb. I promise that in time you’ll be able to remember him with a smile. You did the most brave thing for him to help him and he would have known your love all the way to the end. Comfort yourself with that.

So sorry for your loss justlookingnotbuying 💐 I have just seen this thread. I posted on your other thread a few minutes ago when Archie was still with you.
I hope in time your wonderful memories of dear Archie will comfort and sustain you x

I mean when I thought Archie was still with you. 💐

PerpetuallyIndecisive Thank you. That’s how it feels right now, it’s a real sharp pain. I worry about dd as she has become so low, I don’t think she really fully understood just how poorly he was.
shiningstar2 Thank you. I was truly hoping we would have a bit more time with him but we do have such wonderful memories of him.

Cry, a lot, and try not to judge yourself for it. Or that's what I did when we lost a very beloved pet in really shocking circumstances and way too young. The pain did become more manageable over time. I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss, the first days are particularly raw.

We lost our cat in Jan, he honestly was our best friend and the most important member of our little family in many ways. Every day is hard still and I rarely go even a few hour without thinking of him still.

It gets easier to carry on but I believe the grief always stays with you- it's the price we pay for the happy memories.

Practical things which helped me in this time was to support a local cat charity, remove all his things and move to a special place (perhaps leaving one special item on display) and writing a letter to him.

All the best xx

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful boy in February. He was 13 and suffering from cancer. I'd had him since 7 weeks old. He was my constant companion, by my side 24/7 as I worked from home. He saw me through some tough times when I could not have kept going without him at my side. I don't know how I physically took him to the vets and watched him get pts. I have to remind myself that I was only able to do it as he was suffering and I had to help him. I try to remember all the wonderful times we had together over the years and tell myself that I looked after him right till the end. I won't be getting another dog due to personal circumstances (I might want to downsize to an apartment in the next few years) but I've heard it helps and if I'd been in a different position, younger with younger children then I'd definitely have got another.

I’m so sorry, Archie sounds fantastic.

When my first cat died it was awful, most of my friends are animal lovers so I felt comfortable talking to them. The Bluecross also have a bereavement service which is completely free.

Hi OP, so sorry for your loss. It is so devastating. We get them and we just love them eternally from day 1.

I have had many pets over the years and I’ve always been heartbroken when they’ve passed away. I currently have a 10 y/o dog and I love him to bits. He is in good condition but I am absolutely dreading the day he has to go but I am not going to think about it.

You will always miss your beloved pet but the grief will lessen over time. All I can say is, have a good cry. Just cry if you need to. When I lost my pets I always cried in a private room in my house when I needed and it might sound silly, but I always used to talk to my pets whilst crying and pleading for them to come back as I was just so devastated.

Stay close to your family members who also knew and loved your dog, share memories and talk about him. Keep photos. Get some photos framed and put up on the wall - that’s what I did anyway.

But yes as PP said, try to keep busy. Get outside in fresh air - treat yourself to a coffee or a sticky bun at the local cafe and just be kind to yourself.

Also, some people prefer to go to work during their grief, but if you need time off work, take it. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t have time off because of your dog’s passing. If you feel you can’t work, don’t let anyone invalidate it.

Take care 💐

coffeeisthebest thank you so much. I’m sorry for your loss too. The pain feels so raw. I’ve lost beloved cats in the past but this feels so new and so raw right now.
AliceS1994 I am so sorry for your loss xx I have had 4 cats and lost 3 to the road, it was devastating. I still think about our first cat, who had to be pts 15 years ago, I adored him. I truly adored Archie and fear I’ll never get over him passing.

I'll be honest, I got another pet as soon as possible.

No they are not the same pet or a replacement but the house was unbearable without a pet in it.

My neighbour who has dogs has a system where she always has an older dog and a younger dog for this reason, she just can't cope with no dog.

MRSAHILL I am so, so sorry for your loss, I totally get it, Archie was with me 24/7 too. I have never been there when a pet has been pts but I owed it to him to be there and look into his eyes as he went but it was just awful but the best thing for him, he was with his those who loved him the most.
Simonjt thank you so much. I am sorry for your loss too. Luckily many of my friends are animal lovers, I suppose we gravitate to each other. I have heard of the Blue Cross service, I think we will definitely need that especially dd.
curiousitygotthebetterofme thank you so very much for that. I definitely have a little chat with Archie when I’m bawling and keep asking his ashes to show me he’s still here in spirit, silly but I just need a sign, anything.
Ive had this print made up and will frame it and we have his paw print and fur clipping. Dd and I will have a necklace made up with some ashes.

AnnaMagnani my friend does the same. Tbh, I always said I would never have another as I couldn’t replace Archie but in all honesty now I’ve had a dog in my life I can’t imagine never having another and I would want 2 tbh.

Yes..several times over 40 years of owning dogs and more recently cats...unfortunately it is inevitable...it never gets easier but it goes away more quickly the more times you do it..xx

I'm so sorry for your loss, my little girl cat was hit by a car at the weekend and we had to have her put to sleep. It's devastating. My best friend of a dalmatian died 10 years ago aged 15, and I still think of her every day, but it's with a smile and gratitude now. It sounds so silly, but I grieved very heavily for her for six months and then one night I was talking about her on a balcony and saw the only shooting star I've ever seen, and somehow that let me give myself permission to stop grieving and start remembering instead.

I think after they devote their lives to us, they deserve our tears and sadness, and then after a time we owe it to them to live life as happily as they did. I have a tattoo of my special girls name, so she's always by my side in a way, and photos of her around. You could try going for your boys favorite walk and allowing yourself to really think about him. After losing neville this weekend, I've really focused on keeping busy, doing jobs round the house and lots of gardening to try and find an outlet for the energy and also refresh the space a bit.

I'm so sorry again, it takes time xx

I lost my cat, minni moo last year. I’d had her since my 16th birthday and i’d just turned 30. She was a tiny rescue when we got her and she passed away in the garden.
she must have been ill but didn’t show it- it was so sudden so the shock hit hard.
still think of her now.
i have another cat but there is no replacement.
grief for pets is real. They are part of your family

I'm sorry.
I was a wreck when we lost our rescue cat. We got her when she was about 2-3 and she lived nearly 20yrs with us!
If you are of a Christian persuasion, I recommend "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates" which is a lovely book, much less cheesy than the title suggests!

When my lovely Poppy was put down (7 years ago) I ended up having a kind of breakdown that lasted about a year. I just existed. I missed her desperately - she slept tucked in behind my knees, she always sat beside me and she was such a heroine. She was just Poppy and she was such a wonderful girl.

All I can say is that although I can see her face if I think about her, the pain lessened with time. It was the right thing to let her go and the comfort is that there is no more pain.

Now I have two dogs and they are both loved so very much. Bandit is my gorgeous, loving little boy and my little girl is a loudmouthed bossy princess. But I still miss Poppy and I think I always will.

Hello @JustlookingNotbuying, Im so sorry for you and your family having to pts Your wonderful boy Archie. Its the most difficult, heartbreaking situation to be in.
Just come to say that my boy Bruce 14.6 at the time was pts in October 2021. He had the same condition with his liver as Archie. He had the condition 18 months, the vet called my Bruce a walking miricle.
I still feel him with me, and now 10 months on i smile at the photos and the lovely memories and i think about Bruce everyday. Some one at the time said pets are gods gift to us, and thats true. You & your family will feel better with time.
For me i was a little better after 16 weeks. Grief is diffrent for everyone xxX

I'm so sorry, it hurts so badly. I lost my beloved cat a year ago, he was a rescue and came to us when we were having difficulty TTC. I found out I was pregnant the month we got him, I'm sure I was distracted by him, visiting him over that time frame and we'd put off TTC that time as it was over Christmas so weren't shy with the parties and alcohol as we have been. He was there for me with our first and second babies, the kids felt he was like their older brother, we adores that cat. He died when the kids were 12&9 we were all devastated.
We have just got two new cats and a dog, we worry still about losing them but at the same
Time don't want to mar our enjoyment of time spent with them.
Sending hugs 🤗

There is a pet bereavement service here: www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

I’m so sorry, @JustlookingNotbuying I’ve been there a few times and each time, it’s as awful as the first. Last year, I had to have my dog pts-cancer-then my horse 4 months later. It’s completely changed my lifestyle, my time outside of work no longer revolved around the dog walks/sorting out the horse. My social life disappeared, so I was at a real loss. My DH showed me a picture of a puppy who looked just like the one we lost and we brought home him and his brother the next day. Totally unplanned but this is our third pair so we know what we’re doing, just needed a pet sitter as we no longer had anyone to help on the 3 days a month we’re both out at the same time.

Tuxedokitty Thank you. I’m so sorry for your losses. I’ve had 4 beloved cats and have lost 4 to the road, it’s devastating. I’m thinking of a tattoo of Archie x
Danikm151 I’m sorry for the loss of your cat, it’s such a shock when they go quickly. Archie is 100% our family, it is such a loss to us.
DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms Thank you for the suggestion much appreciated. I’m sorry so your loss.
FlipFlops4Me I’m sorry the grief was so much for you. I fear this could happen to me. I was very depressed when I got Archie and he helped me through it, I’ve been very low whilst he has been poorly. Like your Poppy, my Archie was with me all the time, he slept on our bed and when I would sit in the kitchen he would jump up and squeeze himself behind me on the chair so I’d end up with a dead bum lol! They are such characters, I’ll miss him so much. I know that I have lots of love still to give to another rescue, one day in the future, maybe.
bruce43mydog Thank you for your kind words, I am sorry for your loss. Bruce did so well but it must have been so hard losing him. I know time softens the rawness of it all, just wish it was sooner rather than later as it hurts so badly right now.
custardbear Thank you. I had the exact same story as you with my cat. I didn’t think I could have children after several years of ttc, we got Sam and then got pregnant, so weird.

Ive lost 9 dogs over the years, every one has been heartbreak, but until this last dog Ive always had two and the fact that you still have to do a doggy centred routine helps rather than suddenly nothing Mine is my world especially as I have serious health condition and live on my own, I have to keep going for her.

A lot of people say they couldnt have another dog because they cant cope with loss, but in my opinion its the best thing to do. You are giving another animal, especially if its a rescue, a good life, and it doesnt take away from what you felt for your other dog.