Play dates for boys

[DarkFuckeryoftheHumanHeart]

Do boys have many play dates from age 8 onwards? We moved fairly recently and DS is struggling a little with friendships. He gets on with people but doesn't have a close friend yet. His sister is younger and had a lot of party invites etc due to whole class parties and DS is feeling a bit left out.

DH seems to think boys don't tend to do play dates and to let it all just work itself out, he'll find his way etc. i worry I need to be doing more. I've organised 2 play dates for him which genuinely went well but have not bee reciprocated. I know there is another thread at the moment saying play dates don't happen much over the summer, but I am worried DS feels upset over lack of friends and not sure whether to chase any play dates over the summer?

Can you not just go out to the playparks and let him meet similar aged children there? Keep it low key and don't make too much out of it.

From memory, my older DS' didn't have play dates at this age. They are 15 and 12 now.

I have an almost 7yo DS too and he doesn't have play dates with anyone. He just plays at the park.

I have an almost 5yo DS as well and he doesn't have play dates as such, again just has his siblings for company and also playing with others at parks.

If you keep expectations low, you won't be disappointed. They will have plenty time to make their own friends at school soon enough.

Yes they do have play dates. I would just persevere. Don't worry if they're not reciprocated yet.

Can you he a regular club or class over the holidays? To keep busy and make friends through that?

Mine had play dates at this age, youngest DS probably had the most as older two had one best friend at this age. Some families love hosting a play date (boys or girls) and some are less keen. I think boys have less sleepovers than girls.

My oldest is almost 8 and we have play dates all the time. Keep going. I host lots of ours as it’s logistically easier for us, and I want the children’s friends to feel comfortable here, but it is a pain in the ass sometimes

My DS is almost 7 and doesn’t generally have play dates unless it’s with another DC whose mum I’m friendly with.

I think a lot of it is school gate politics - I’m friendly with everyone but haven’t found it easy to make friends with other parents as many mums seem to have their own friends already, and lots of us aren’t at the gates every day.

So I definitely think some networking on your DCs’ behalf is helpful - but I also think play dates vary depending on the class, as many parents can’t facilitate them during the week or even at weekends due to activities, shared custody arrangements, etc. I agree hanging out at the local park would be a good place to start - or a holiday club maybe?

We have play dates (DS1 is 9) although they’re all ‘come round and play cricket in the garden and I’ll feed them’ type play dates. Not over the summer as much as everyone (including us) is away at different times and childcare for most people has been tightly choreographed for months!

I’d gently ask him if he wants to arrange something.

Mine did have play dates at that age, but not that many. Some other of his class had loads though.

We live in an odd little village where no one ever seems to go to the park here, it's so annoying. We go there and the park in nearest town when we can.

Clubs and activities are a no go this summer, I'm stuck working from home, nearest clubs are 20odd miles away which is no good.

So hard to know what to do

I also think it depends on the parents. I have two with additional needs, so don't have any desire to host a play date. It's already hard work at times with my own DC. But that is partly because I have four DC and we are very busy most days.

Being thick, but as opposed to what sort of play date?

Absolutely! DS is 10 and this summer I’ve arranged a sleepover, an afternoon of playing computer games and a day out somewhere with three different friends for him.

My 8yo is a girl but is mostly friends with boys. They definitely still have playdates, particularly in the holidays where they are often day-long and used as reciprocal childcare by working parents.
It is going to be tricky to set these up midway through the holiday without already being chatty with the parents IMO, but it's worth a go.

When you say it is 200 miles to the nearest club/activity, do you mean just holiday clubs or any kind of junior sporting/hobby/music club? My DCs do various sports and Scouting outside of school, with the sports continuing through the holidays. They have some good friends there who are separate to their school friends, and they enjoy going as much for the social side as the activities.

Yes they definitely do, by 8+ they tend to have more established friendship groups and often do small parties rather than whole class. So that's why your ds is finding it hard to "break in" to these.
Definitely keep inviting friends to play or to do activities together. Is there a class WhatsApp? A lot of arrangements are made on there so try to find out and join it.

Sorry, meant 20 odd miles rather than 200! We haven't lived here v long and DS's name is down for scouts and sports clubs but nothing doing yet. In our old home he was part of lots of different clubs so I'm keen to get him in places

My DS is 8 and his friendships have flourished this year. The boys in his class seem to have broken into a Pokemon/Minecraft group and a football group.

I do think it takes a lot of effort. I would continue with the play dates and get a couple in over the Summer if people are around. I'd also look at any after school activities he could do with a classmate or even if there are Summer clubs that he could go to.

As PP said, if there is a WA group I'd suggest asking openly what summer clubs kids are going to or message parents' of his play date friends, to tie up on dates to book him in.

Was he in cubs before you moved? If so and you point that out, it should speed up his getting a place. Round here it does, anyway.