Therapy brought up issues and I'm worried about my parenting

[zothy]

So having CBT atm for lifelong anxiety, self harm and depression.
Todays session was on the past, I think I have buried my head in sand in regards to how my parents treated me and how it's affected me.

I'm the eldest, grew up rurally, my dad worked lots of hours, when he was there, there was lots of arguments and both were violent or each other, and the amount of times I got in the middle, to stop them hurting each other I don't know!

Basically I have realised how much this has affected me and my ability to parent my own children, they are 5 and 1 and my relationship with my husband. I find myself getting angry and shouting a lot, I don't know where to turn for help, I love them with all my heart, but my image of parenting is obviously skewed.

Basically I want to be a better parent.

You are probably significantly better simply because you’re aware of how you react.l and aware that you want to change.
I have been through a similar journey recently and the more I open up, reflect, process, understand, the more comfortable I feel as a parent, knowing I’m doing my best and my best is more than good enough.
I am also shouty and have a short temper. I am learning to understand this as my own needs not being met and I am better at meeting my needs so that I am a better human
all round.
on e you’re aware why you react how you do it begins to get easier to recognise the steps that lead up to it and to take steps to enunciate or change your behaviour.

Thank you @SucculentSunshine

Anyone else?

Are you taking AD's. Why CBT? It's considered very light weight, The stickingplaster of anything that's wrong let's just refer you to CBT. You clearly have serious issues they will probably need to be addressed by proper counselling with a trained counsellor specific to your specific needs.

@Oblomov22 nope no AD's I wanted to go back on them (was on them 10 years ago) but doctor said speak to mental health nurse and I haven't heard a thing! They said CBT was next step.

Hmm. I think you need to be more pushy. Tell them politely what you want, don't take no for an answer.

CBT is completely appropriate for you OP. If at the end of your contract of sessions, you still score highly on measures of depression or risk you can be "stepped up" to clinical psychology for therapy. Unless you can afford private clinical psychology (therapists trained to doctoral level which is the highest possible level).

I think it's great you have this new awareness. You can do a few things here to change your children's childhood and give them the most healthy experience. You could contact your local Relate and work on your relationship together with your husband. You could also approach your local starting well partnership for parenting classes. My recommendation is you do both actually but maybe not at the same time as you will need to practice your new skills and really work at both so it would be too much to give it your all simultaneously.

Thank you both. Yes my CBT therapist said about going to relate for couples counselling! Thanks for the tips for parent class going to have a look.