Stay or go? House move with kids

[Nessathe2nd]

Hello, would love some opinions/advice on a house move!

We have been renting for years and have gotten notice that the landlords want to sell up. We having been saving for a long time but are still a little way off being able to afford a house in the area we are in. We are trying to figure out whether to look for a house a couple of towns over, that will probably need renovating, or moving 200km away, where we can build close to family. We have 3 kids, 2 are in school and one is due to start. We are trying to weigh up whether it is better to keep them as close as we can to where we are now, knowing whatever house we buy will need upgrading or extending, or to make the leap and build a home that tick our boxes from the get go. It would also mean a move from a suburban to a rural area. And renting again until we build.

Our middle child is firmly against the idea but the other 2 are happy to consider it. Both OH and I can work remotely.

Anyone made a similar move with kids? Would love to hear peoples' experiences!

How old are the dc ?

How good is the broadband in the area you are talking about moving to ?

How will you be able to afford rent and the cost of land and building a new home ?
Have you done proper research in to the likelihood of planning permission etc ?

Hi @kite22

The dc are 5, 9, 11.

The land is ours so it would be the cost of the build. Rent is lower in the area we are moving to it would be tight but manageable. We have done our research into planning etc. Broadband has just reached the area.

My biggest concern is how it will impact the kids I think.

What about school places in the new area? Also school run times and ease?

Hi @Lubdeness

It is a rural school so small and has places. We would have to drive for drop offs/collection [we have to drive where we live now anyway].

9's a hard age for a school move if you really don't want to move.

Rural is really not good for teenagers. In a few years time you will have teenagers.

Do you have a time scale for the build? Would you use SIPs to make it go faster rather than the "traditional" block and brick? Land is the most expensive element and you already have that.

As much as children should voice their opinion it isn't down to them to understand finances and the choices you have to make as adults. We moved house but we were able to keep the children in the same primary but they knew they wouldn't be attending the same secondary as their friends would. This was fine for Ds2 who was only 4 but Ds1 had a best friend he had been joined at the hip to since nursery.

It also meant our school run went from walking to driving. Main issue was snow but it only affected us for maybe one or two days every year.

Re teenagers, I have two, they are not off out with friends even though we live in a town in a large city. They connect over gaming on their computers as each one can play rather than getting together and taking turns on one console. They even just chat whilst playing other games. They don't go to the park to get drunk etc. Eldest is now at uni, youngest is 16.

We're building at the minute, with 2 younger children, one in primary school and one about to start primary school.

Expect everything to take at least twice as long as you have originally planned for. From getting drawings finalised, getting planning permission, to doing the actual build. We got planning permission 3 years ago and are still about 6 months off finishing. Although we did have to delay the start of our build about a year due to COVID, but it's still going to be well over 2 years if you ignore that.

Self building is all consuming, You need to really want to do it, and be prepared for it to put a strain on your marriage and relationships.

We're living in a static caravan on site, which has saved us money on rent and we'll sell it on afterwards.

I know it will be worth it in the end, but you need to go into it with your eyes open. One of the reasons we pushed ahead despite Covid and rising building costs was to get the children settled into schools at an early age and avoid further school moves, and only you will know how your older children might cope with a couple of house moves over the next couple of years. Although I do think children are much more flexible and resilient than we sometimes give them credit for.

What are the provisions for teenagers in the rural area? Moving when they are that age is fine schooling wise but will you be moving into a rural where they are reliant on their parents to get them around and you will be busy with a house build?

Our hope for the build would be 18 months but I suppose, realistically, things never go to plan. We are happy to consider non traditional builds and we have family who can help out at different stages.

The teenager thing definitely worries me, and probably more so my husband as he grew up rurally. I'm most worried about dc9, as he is a sensitive kid and while I see that he is liked and likeable, he is firmly convinced he won't make new friends.

I am ready for a change and after renting for so long, the idea of taking a bit more time and having a home that 'fits' us and is ours to make decisions about is very appealing.

@confusedlots thanks for your reply and sharing your experience, what stage in the build are you at at the moment?

I'm definitely trying to be realistic. The reason we rent in this area is because it is where we wanted to live originally, we planned to buy here so got the children into school etc. But it's an area that took a sudden boom and now has suddenly crept out of range. So the houses we can afford are the next town over anyway, we would be settling for a house that had to be extended/might not fit our needs (because of our budget/rising house prices) and the kids could still lose contact with friends I suppose.

Provision for teenagers revolves around sport mostly. We would have to seek out activities I'd say. And we would definitely be driving people everywhere!

@Nessathe2nd we've finished the internal plastering and are starting second fix electrics. If we had managed to line things up better from now we could be in sooner, but we're having to wait for availability of tilers etc.