Do leopards ever change their spots?

[blazerdaze]

If someone has history of being mentally abusive to ex's and is in his 40s
Is there any chance of a change?
If he has decided he's changed can he change?
Or if someone can be cruel and awful ...will they eventually be that way with the new person?
Or did his ex's go through hell and then he has a personality transplant and starts respecting people?

Avoid.

Nope.

Having been with a few people like this, no they don't change and they're the same with everyone.

Perhaps my answer was too short.
If anything, they worsen with each relationship.
And at that age, there's no becoming anything other than a permanent asshole with an even bigger chip on their shoulder.
They get even better at lying and manipulating though.
It's like with each failed relationship, their worse qualities grow legs, teeth, and hair until they don't even try to hide what they are.
Have you got your skates on yet? And can you see the exit sign? And let me just dust off that ol' MN chestnut: The hills are that way. >>>>>>>>

Some people turn their lives around. I knew someone who was a bouncer, drug dealer/user, beat people up..then he became a Christian and turned his life around, cleaned up his act, became a youth worker and did a lot of good. He was open about his past and ashamed of his behaviour. I suspect he was a rarity though!

Abusers rarely think they’ve done anything wrong. They will put on the act of being someone new. May tell you about their past with the whole “Oh but my ex drove me to it”. Doesn’t last forever. My STBXH told me stories of how he was with his ex, I’d think “I’m glad he’s not like that with me!”. Years later I realised he was, it had just built up gradually.

if you’re debating getting involved with someone who has a history of abuse, I’d suggest running a mile!

No I'm the ex
I know I shouldn't care anymore - but I've just witnessed my ex who at one point I loved
Get married and seem like a new man when a year ago he broke my heart.
I'm not the only woman he hurt either...he left a trail of hurt behind

In a year, eighteen months, there could be another one.

He broke your heart a year ago and is already married? A year later? That man hasn't changed, just got more flamboyant with his declarations.

The standing up and getting married bit is the easy bit. Now he feels she’s stuck with him. I can imagine her life will not be nice.

Be glad you got out. Remember how he treated you. That’s who he is.

have you done the freedom programme?

Nope!

my ex has all sorts of issues. I wondered the same as you when he first had a new gf, however time really does tell. He’s been the same or been abusive in new ways, with all his subsequent gfs.

My ex has a string of failed relationships. I thought I was the exception and things were different with me - how wrong I was.

No. He will never change.

People like that are very good at hiding their true nature for a while while they hook someone new then it will come out eventually when they think that their latest victim is ''trapped'' (married, pregnant). They will revert to their real, abusive self at that stage.

Unless the abusive behaviour was caused by some external factor like addiction (drug, alcohol) which can be overcome with rehab or a previously undiagnosed mental health condition that can be treated and managed.

The usual story is that the person is a narcissist, a sociopath/psychopath, violent misogynist or simply plain nasty/evil and there is no cure or treatment for that...