My sons and their father are/were compulsive liars.

[EhatBow]

Is it me?

Lying is my "thing" I absolutely hate being lied to about anything. If a friend tells me they can't make a do because they're skint, for example and them I find out they went somewhere else, it really upsets me. I don't mind if they can't or don't want to come, it's the lying.

AFAIK late DH never lied about anything huge, but he'd lie for an easy life. Yes, of course I went to the bank like you asked me to, meant shit I'd better do it tomorrow. Things like that and now I find my teen/adult sons are doing it too.

Often, admittedly, it's something I probably should have left them to get on with and it's down to them if it doesn't get done, but things like speaking to a college tutor or sending an email. For DS2 it will be having had a shower!

The mats not being a ‘compulsive liar’. It’s telling white lies to get someone off your back,

It obviously upsets you and I’m not minimising that. But it’s not the same as being a compulsive liar, and for many people, this sort of thing wouldn’t be a huge deal,

The mats = that’s

I really dislike liars. My SIL does it all the time about everything and now I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anything she says.

Perhaps if you stop believing anything they say they might stop it?

We have got to that point and it makes for a miserable miserable life for me, but doesn't seem to make any difference to them.

Eh. I think this is often something people bring on themselves, tbh.

Both DH and I tell small white lies to our mothers on a near constant basis (pretty much as you describe in your OP) because they are both endlessly pestering about tiny inconsequential things that have zero importance to anything. Honest answers would then spark a huge unnecessary debate about something that really doesn't need any airtime, OR would prompt nagging about something that, as adults, we seriously do not need to be nagged about. So yes mum, I have booked my MOT. I did pack a coat.

Maybe have a think about what your sons are lying about, and whether you reeeeeally need to be asking them all these questions. Do you actually need to know if your son showered or not?

This is certainly something I recognize in myself - when my anxiety is super high I find myself micromanaging my husband to a completely unnecessary extent and he'll fob me off with the easy answer just to get me off his back. It's something we've discussed at length - I'm being unreasonable and instead of challenging me on it, which causes a bit of a barney because I feel defensive, or telling me the truth which causes me to go into a completely unnecessary anxiety spiral, he basically just goes "yes dear" to keep everything calm and rolling.

When I'm not experiencing significant anxiety, I don't tend to ask a bunch of inane questions and instead treat him like a competent adult, and he doesn't feel the need for white lies.