Awake thinking about money, very worried

[Dorrih]

I’m going to be a single parent and have a 1,100 a month mortgage. I could look at moving but only moved in a year ago and stamp duty was 20k.

Ex won’t talk about a maintenance arrangement. He earns 90k but no idea if he’ll play games to try and reduce payment etc. So I don’t know where I stand with it and it’s making me v concerned I can’t plan maternity.

worked out I will be ok for a 18 months as I have maternity pay and savings but after that with childcare costs I will have to cut a day at work and I’m just feeling so alone. Everyone talking about energy prices going up etc. I feel really really stressed. I hate that I’m shouldering all this alone when he just gets on with his work and doesn’t even feel obliged to speak to me about it all. I can’t sleep for the worry.

He needs to be paying maintenance

Won't discuss an arrangement? Alright, but the child needs feeding, mate

I’ve tried to ask to get some idea and he doesn’t respond. Asked lots of times, no point me asking again. I will have to go to CM but it’s long winded and stressful not knowing the amount. I’m just so stressed. I wish it would all go away.

If he earns 90k you most definitely should contact the CSA or whatever it's called now.
I haven't dealt with them in years because my oldest is 21 now but I have heard it's changed.
But he should be helping you financially no question
Go to the CAB for help

Good luck OP and congratulations on your new baby

@theniceunderstandingone i think he’s going to make things very hard. I just can’t understand a man could be so cruel he knows I’m due any day

I’m sorry your in this position, do you have anyone IRL to support you? Perhaps ask him one more time if he wants to come to an amicable arrangement and point out that if he doesn’t want to talk about it you’ll have to use the Child Maintenance Service.

Are you married?

@Twentynone21 ive asked nicely many times. He has become someone I really do not recognise, never ever thought he could be so cold tbh. No not married @Whadda

So it's your house? He doesn't live there?

Doesn't matter how difficult it is, you need to pursue CSM.

And please do it before baby is here

ive asked nicely many times. He has become someone I really do not recognise, never ever thought he could be so cold tbh

^

OK, so if he isn't playing ball, you're not either. These men

@mackthepony i can’t start the process until afterwards, making me more stressed as I won’t know what’s happening until a few weeks or so. Just so stressed and low

I wasted nearly a year asking my EXDP nicely. Every time he'd say yes yes, then only give me an amount for one DC. As soon as I went to CMS, and they advised the award (which was just over what I'd asked him for) he hasn't missed a payment.

Apply to CMS today. It takes a couple of months to be processed, but at least you'll have it on file. Assuming he has no other DC, you should be awarded at least 10% of his gross earnings, which will really help you with baby's costs.

Oh thats awful! Things always feel so much worse at night. It might help if you prioritise your worries rather than worry about what will happen in 18 months. You need some immediate support to help prepare for the birth and the whirlwind to come. Take small steps and deal with the little things first and then look after the bigger problems when you’re feeling stronger.

I’m sure I read a post very similar to this the other day? By any chance of you mentioned this to your friend because if so there’s an interesting thread with her opinion on it

Same here. I will never understand how men can act like this when their child is on the way.

Like a PP said get the ball rolling now.
your ex knows your situation so he knows what you need. Fingers crossed his attitude changes once he sees baby but if it doesn’t you defo need to take him to CMS.
you have enough for 18 months you said, I’m sure things will fall into place by then.
As much as you are stressing and don’t believe it, things WILL work out for you and you will manage.

best wishes to you x

As others have said get the ball rolling now. This'll also show him you don't intend to be walked over.

Is the mortgage in your sole name? If joint I'd get advice as to where you stand if you continue to pay mortgage in full, then at some stage he wants to sell, as I reckon he'd want to claim half of any sale price.

If mortgage is in your sole name, do you have a spare room? Not ideal , but you could get a lodger, occasional foreign student to help with money.