Feel nothing at all for the baby, worried

[Hryop]

I’m getting so worried. Me and a friend are due at a similar time and she is forever going on about kicks and her body changing and how amazing it all is and how much she loves them. I felt similar in early pregnancy but since DP left I absolutely hate it all. I hate feeling them move, I never talk to them, I genuinely feel nothing. I look at baby clothes and think they are nice but the idea of there being them in it…I just don’t feel a thing. Ex has been totally unsupportive since he left and I’m even worrying the baby will look like them or have their traits and I will just dislike them automatically because of that (it’s a boy so chances are they will look a bit like him). I’m so mixed up and feel totally cold. Im not sure where that initial instinctive love disappeared to.

ive told gp an midwives and they seem totally unconcerned. Did anyone feel like this? Did it change?

I didn’t have the complication of my partner leaving so take that in mind when you read this but..

I didn’t have any of that stuff, I still don’t, I see women gushing and talking about ‘the moments that make life worth living’ and like yeah my kids are cute - hell I think they’re the most beautiful babies out there but fucking hell some need to chill out. It’s clear the pressure society puts on women because as soon as you dare say something negative like you’re not enjoying a particular stage and in swoops a gran/great aunt to tell you to soak up every fucking second like it’s enjoyable 😂🫠.

i didn’t feel any gushes of love even when they were here, I got to know these two little people and turns out they’re pretty cool

I currently don’t have any children so can’t answer your question exactly.

However I have been through one very horrible upsetting break up and I was left feeling more numb/cold/empty than anything. When I think about how I felt then, and imagine having those feelings while carrying a part of my ex, it doesn’t feel strange for you to feel like you are.

It could be that how you’re feeling is normal break up feelings…. But right now you have a friend to compare to and a baby on the way (and you know he’s genetically part your ex)… maybe your lack of feelings about your baby aren’t actually about your baby but your circumstances are making your baby your focus. So the numb cold feeling about your ex is somehow overlapping your thoughts about the baby and almost tricking you into thinking you feel how you feel about your baby… if that makes sense.

It could be that you worrying about how you feel, or your perceived lack of feeling, towards baby is in a odd back to front way you deeply caring about him (baby) and worrying.

When I broke up with my ex and felt like this I had a couple of counselling sessions…. If you’re in work you could ask if they have a counselling service (where I work we have three! One is part of the employee assistance helpline so I wouldn’t even need to ask my manager to refer me ….. you may have something similar, and counsellors have a way of asking the right questions to help you reframe your perspective)