My life's a mess, I need help.

[Lookingforhelp123]

Myself and DH are separated but we were trying to work things out. We are not living together and have one DC, who is 5.

I have issues with alcohol, I can not drink for weeks at a time but when I do drink, I can't stop and have put myself in a few vulnerable positions. The latest has been waking up in a house that I can't remember going to with bruising to my neck. I don't know if I had sex with someone.

Im so ashamed of myself, I want to be different, I want my family back but I keep doing this shit.

I know the simple answer is to not drink and I am going to try to never drink again, I'm looking at my local AA meetings to go. I need real help now.

I could have been killed and left my family without their wife, daughter, mother. I still have bruising that I am trying to hide from everyone, I feel so dirty and disgusting.

Please go easy on me I feel so vulnerable and devastated right now.

Hi OP well done with the first step of realising it needs to change- no real advice but wanted to mention I think there is an alcohol free thread / support area here on MN which might be helpful

All the best

Well done on taking the first, huge step in acknowledgement that you are an alcoholic.

You could also see your GP to get referral for NHS support in addiction, STEP change. My DH didn't get on with AA but is finding STEP very helpful.

He also found the book Alcohol Explained by William Porter very enlightening and it had certainly changed his mindset.

Good luck!

Thank you both, it's taken me so long to admit to myself.

As above, OP, you’ve taken the guest step so well done.
Just want to add that you’re best off getting a sexual health check too, if you are unsure if you had sex.

First step ffs

I just wanted to send love xx this must be so hard but you're making the right first step

Well done OP on starting your journey. We will all be here to cheer you on 🎉

Contacting AA sounds like a great first step. Your GP will also be able to offer support. Is your son okay?

There are good threads about stopping using alcohol, I'll find the links & post them for you

@Lookingforhelp123 I'm not trying to make you feel worse than you already do but how long ago was the possible assault episode above, do you need emergency contraception? Have you thought about arranging an appointment to have sexual health screening? x

Well done for accepting that you have an issue and that you need help.

That is the hardest step. You can do this.

It was Friday night/Saturday morning. I will book a sexual health screening tomorrow. Thank you.

I have experienced a lot of trauma in my life and I feel that with alcohol I can forget and that I need it to have a good time. I know that is not the case but I am incredibly shy without a drink so wouldn't dance or chat as I do normally. I need to figure out a way to enjoy life again without alcohol

There’s recovery college too, there might be one local to toy, or there’s online
www.recoverycollegeonline.co.uk

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support

Your GP can link you up with local alcohol support & counselling services

www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support/

@Rosebud21 yes my son is fine, he was with my DM and being well looked after, I never drink like that around him and manage day to day fine. He's a happy little guy and that is what is killing me, he doesn't deserve this.

I like the Allen Carr book on alcohol:
www.amazon.co.uk/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol-ebook/dp/B07B7QRWTH/ref=sr_1_1?crid=X1NFN7I08T91&keywords=allen+carr+alcohol&qid=1659286065&sprefix=allen+carr+alcohol%2Caps%2C121&sr=8-1

People can stop drinking. I think you have to accept that you must stop drinking alcohol completely. I think AA sounds like a good idea. A friend's husband had an ambulatory detox which I think was organised through his GP. You have had a real shock about what happened to you. I'd second the STI test. Then put this incident behind you - it doesn't define you. It was a mistake and you were "lucky" it wasn't worse. I would never tell my husband about this incident though - you are separated and he simply doesn't need to know.

It may be that you can't work things out with your husband but you still have your son and it seems like you have other family members around for support. Sometimes it can be very hard to accept that something you want very much want is not going to happen. I was in a similar situation of just "willing" something to work out. I wasted a lot of time hoping that it would. When I realised finally that it wouldn't "work out" it was a relief in a way because all that yearning is very painful. The situation worked out well even though in a different way and I now realise that what I wanted was very unrealistic.

Thank you