Single and only parent to my daughter with no support or social life

[Sjane21]

i don’t even know where to start I just feel very numb rite now, it has got to the point that when I wake up in a morning I just can’t wait for the day to be over with again. I am a single mum to my 2 year old beautiful daughter she is my world I love her more than words, I enjoy being her mother although I am so drained mentally and physically, her dad isn’t involved and has never met her due to domestic abuse, she hasn’t met his family as they pose a risk too, then we move over to my family that do not make any interest in being involved with her, i have around 3 friends that I barely talk to as they are busy with there own life. I can’t explain how alone I feel, please don’t tell me I have a beautiful daughter how can I possibly be alone, it’s a different kind of alone I love my daughters company and raising her to be kind respectful and well mannered lady the bond we have is unbreakable… I just sometimes need a little break as every mother deserves a break to either have a spa day or even feel good by doing her hair and makeup going for a few cocktails, But I can’t do that as I have no support to help me out in that way, I am just tired of not liking myself no more iv lost myself and I just really need somebody to talk to that understands me. Happy mother means happy children, My life consists of sitting at home and being a full time mummy When I say full time I mean full time no help no break just me and my daughter 24/7 is this healthy? But what can I do if she’s only got me I just feel this could have a massive impact on her life growing up, its affecting me massively. She starts school soon 15 hours a week yes it will help her. I don’t know

Can you get back into work? Childcare will help her and the social side of work will help you. I'm also a lone parent and work is my haven. Where I'm an adult and get adult interaction while my kids are happily interacting with others.

I definitely think work helps - I could not have spent all day every day without adult company, and work provides that and gets you out in the world meeting people and (if we are honest) gives some guilt free respite from looking after your child.

Have you straight up asked your family if they will babysit for an evening so you can meet your friends? Don't wait for them to offer.

I really want to get back in to work however I just can’t get the childcare and I am worrying I can’t afford the childcare or to live once I am working again as my family will not help me at all, there is always excuses I feel I am at a lose end

i have straight up asked them all and they say no to me. Nobody is interested in helping me they just love to watch me suffer

Are there no toddler groups in the area? A great place to meet other mums and let your DD interact with other toddlers.

Many take a break over the summer, unfortunately, but a few continue. In September everything should be running again. Ask at the library or any churches you can easily get to. The church ones don't usually expect you to be a believer although you might get the odd Noah's Ark type song or story.

A good tip for getting to know people is to hang around at the end of a group and help clear up for a few minutes. You will be remember, get a reputation for being a Helpful Person, and asking which box things go in is an easy way to make a little conversation.

Is there a local Sure Start near you? Or a womens centre. As they can offer support groups. Good to mix and you can take any children along. Assuming that funds stretch to them running these days.

Are there any local colleges that have childcare facilities? Education could get you a better job allaying you financial fears and most share school holidays making childcare easier. There are some fantastic vocational courses.
Local playgroups (a lot of churches run messy play sessions) would at least get you out.
It can't be healthy just you two 24/7.

If I were you I'd prioritise a night out once a month - pay a babysitter if you can!

Tbf, not wanting to have your daughter while you either have a spa day or go out for cocktails is not "enjoying watching you suffer", op.
Perhaps you just have unrealistic expectations about life with small children.
What's stopping you going back to work?

Hi OP. The reality is your family don’t need to help, your DD is your responsibility. Are they happy to help out for something other than cocktails and spa days?

I loved if when I went back to work from mat leave. You should get back to work it’ll help with your identity.

Whats stopping you get back to you? Maybe look at retraining as PP?

I found 2 really tough.

I completely understand you, there is nothing wrong with needing some adult time and me time. Of course you love your dd but yes you also need a break!
Do you go to any mother and toddler groups? Could you look into going to college and using a college childcare? There will be grants out there to support you!

OP, I'm a single mum, I went back to work when DS was 2y2m. I had no support from ex. My family were all working or doing their own thing. I didn't expect anything else.

Go back to work, you'll be fine. You'll get her 15 hours and if you are on a low income, you'll get more help with child care. You'll feel so much more human, honestly it's worth it. It is also great for your daughter to socialise with other children and to have a variety of adults to interact with.

I haven't had cocktails or a spa day though.

Definitely join toddler groups etc. I met some very nice people at them & our kids became freinds & we arranged our own days out, picnics etc. You could try Gingerbread for lone parents. I've no experience of them but they were a tremendous help to someone I knew. Plenty of good suggestions on here. DD won't be a little 'un for ever, the years will fly, trust me, then you think where did those years go?! All the best op.

Try your local library for things like toddler story time over the summer. You might not make life time friends, but it will get you both out of the house and your daughter will be able to socialise with little ones of her own age.

Social life with toddlers can be very busy- play dates all the time and lots of mums eager to make friends. I would definitely try to get back to work asap as well. See it as an investment, try hard to make friends, get back to work even if only remotely so you can pay tax/get a pension.

I said this on another thread and I will say it on here- by all means, mourn the life you and your child should have had, but please do not get bitter and resentful. We are all given different cards to play. Try to make the best of the hand you’ve been given. Friends are a blessing and a godsend and you will probably get a few who will look after your child and you theirs. Join Gingerbread (for single parents). Discipline was so helpful for me, because it kept me in control and on top of things. I would wake up early, wash, clean the house, iron the uniforms and get them to school before work, then take them to play after, before dinner, homework and bed.

If I could have changed one thing earlier it would be showing weakness in front of the kids. I’m the adult and it’s not their job to emotionally support me, but mine to support them. They didn’t need to hear about who had let me down(they didn’t often, but still).

These are days you will look back on fondly, I promise you. Have a pamper day at home with your child - even make it a weekly routine. Have movie nights with popcorn, take her out every day all summer and before you know it she will be in nursery, you will be back at work and earning and your biggest problem will ve how to afford presents for the two “whole class” parties your daughter will be invited to most weekends!