What are friends for in a post-pandemic world?

[JanisMoplin]

I am wondering about the limits of friendship these days. I have been going through some fairly awful stuff lately which does not have a quick solution ( think illness in the family plus other bad shit). Also having a tough menopause. aging parent, DD with MH issues, etc etc.

I moaned to friends for a bit until I realised they were all overwhelmed themselves with the pandemic, their own health issues, financial trouble etc etc. So now I have got a therapist. Been going to her for the past 3 months. It's ok, but it's so distanced and a bit weird.

Obviously she does not care about me, and sometimes I just wish I were talking to a friend who knew me from uni, say. But I also recognise that if you have a problem that can't be easily solved, it's selfish to use friends as therapy. I do not have family in this country.

It got me to thinking: what are friends for in a post-pandemic world? Are we meant to take all our anxieties to a therapist? I see people on here saying they no longer have time for friends with drama, and I get that, but I also think what are friends for, if not to lend an ear? Are we just supposed to go out and get drunk, or talk only about happy things so as not to be draining?

Good question.
i think that you can moan to friends to some extent, but if things are really bad then therapy or another outlet.
i tend to speak to friends who have had similar experiences (DCs w MH issues too) so we can share the load, as I wouldn’t expect a child free friend to ‘get’ issues w the DCs and how they have to come first. I would talk about meno stuff maybe w a single/child free friend as we are all going through versions of it!

Not a post pandemic thing but a few years back when ex left for OW I naturally turned to friends for support and they were amazing, but as these things take months and months to resolve, and the ongoing issues of co-parenting etc are never ending, I realised that the minutiae of it all is actually very tedious for anyone else so would only really talk in general terms but saved specifics for a group of women who I actually met on here on a thread and we kept up with each other. Because we were all going through it we could bore on without feeling guilty about it.

I hear you both on speaking to friends with similar experiences and not boring everyone. It is why I like MN so much. A sub forum for every experience!

I have to be honest I do find p

Oops I do tend to stay away from drama queens since the pandemic I have gone extra strict with this but if a friend is having a bad patch then I am totally there for them. If it is because they have a negative attitude constantly then I remove myself. This does not apply to longstanding friends since they have proved their worth as a friend over the years.

I've never been one to think "this is hard, i wish i had someone to talk to". I know that's weird but I've always been very independent, when things are hard I just don't need to talk about it, so my answer to the question is based on this. My friends are people i have interesting talks with, take fun trips with, etc., and that was paused during the pandemic and had now resumed.

I tend to use family - mainly DH and my mum, as Mt support network.

Friends are for general chat and some nice evenings out. I find that aldo therapeutic but obviously in a different way to being able to talk through problems and seek advice from family.

I do think it's important not to over burden anyone with your issues. Not even family.

If you need more help than anyone can give without feeling it's too much then a therapist is the way to go.

I have had friends who seem to constantly need help and support and I've backed away as I've found their demands too much.