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Original poster

Struggling this weekend

23 replies

bloodywhitecat · 30/07/2022 15:12

Currently sat in the garden after cleaning out the car and stripping the covers off the kids car seats. I am trying to occupy my mind and not think too far ahead. Tomorrow my beautiful little one year old moves to her new family and I know she will have a wonderful life with doting parents and an older sibling. It is so, so right for her but it still hurts like hell. She has been here for over a year and I have loved every minute of looking after her.

Then, later this week it will be DH's birthday, the first one since he died earlier this year. I can't believe life was so fucking cruel to him, he didn't deserve life to pan out the way it did.

This weekend feels like a double whammy bereavement wise and today everything is making me fight back the tears.

OP posts:
ilovemyspace · 30/07/2022 15:27

Hi bloodywhitecat, I've read some of your previous threads/posts and I just want to give you a huge hug today xx

Mollyplop999 · 30/07/2022 15:30

I don't know your story but couldn't not comment. It sounds as though you are in an awful situation, sending you kind thoughts and hugs. Xx

RandomMess · 30/07/2022 15:34
Flowers

Loss even for good reasons hurts.

Be kind to yourself you've had so much loss this last year and so much to get through. The difficult days will be many it's totally shit Sad

Smallorangecat · 30/07/2022 15:42

It’s really tough having DH’s birthday when he isn’t here for it. It really doesn’t make any sense. Do you have plans for the day? I reasoned that birthdays are for celebrating that someone was born, and we still wanted to celebrate that he had been born and we were lucky enough to have had him in our lives. My children and I decided to go out for dinner at the place we knew he would have chosen and have cake afterwards. It was really hard and surreal sitting in a restaurant with my young children and his sister, and I had to hold myself together but I did a lot of crying when the children were asleep. I bought a birthday card made from that paper that’s filled with seeds so I could plant and hopefully flowers will grow from this incredibly sad day. But, mark the day however feels right to you, or don’t mark it if that seems right, there is no wrong way to do this, do whatever gets you through the day.
I have seen your posts, and it’s clear how well you have cared for your foster babies and given them the best opportunities. I imagine it’s always hard when they move on to their new family however happy you are for them, but especially this time because she is part of your life with your DH and you are losing another part of that. It’s terrible timing that both days are so close. It will be a really tough week. Take it one step at a time, you will get through it however unlikely that seems. Not one day at a time, that’s surely far too overwhelming, one hour or one minute at a time, and remember there’s always people here.

WombaMaPonga · 30/07/2022 16:05

Thinking of you @bloodywhitecat Flowers

mommybear1 · 30/07/2022 16:22

I've read your previous threads OP you have given your 1 year old such a fantastic start, as you say she will thrive and that is thanks in no small part to you. I hope you can do something special for your DH's birthday- perhaps go on a walk he used to love? Thinking of you Flowers

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 30/07/2022 16:26

Flowers I'm very sorry for the loss of your DH bloodywhitecat. It's not fair, it's especially not fair that the more wonderful a person was the harder it is to live without them. Your DH sounds as though he was wonderful.

Can I also say thank you so much for the work that you do fostering babies. We adopted both of our DCs as babies and the energy and love that their foster families gave to them has made all the difference to their lives both now in their childhood and in the future when they are adults. It's such an important time developmentally and socially, and when they have a difficult start in life the knowledge and care of experienced foster parents is crucial to helping them. ❤

DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms · 30/07/2022 17:20

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I have read some of your other threads.

I had a similar sort of "anniversary" myself yesterday.

I wish I had a magic wand for you.

Do you have friends/family around? Best to stay busy and around others I think.

littlestowl · 30/07/2022 21:09

just wanted to say thinking of you this week 💐I hope you find some peaceful moments in amongst it all.

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 30/07/2022 22:44

Thank you all Flowers

@Smallorangecat No, it makes no sense. This time last year he was doing so well even though the tumours were growing again and the hospital seemed to be holding fire on further treatment. Nothing makes sense, it feels like he was failed. I am so sorry you have experienced these awful firsts too and thank you for the advice. I am thinking of 'celebrating' with fish and chips on the village green with fosterling 1.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar Thank you so much your words really touched me.

Well, her bags are packed and she is asleep in her bed ready for an exciting life ahead of her and I am almost ready for my bed too (though I haven't slept so well this week especially).

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 30/07/2022 22:46

@DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms I am going to my DD's for a couple of days.

OP posts:
DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms · 30/07/2022 22:53

@bloodywhitecat have a safe trip and a lovely time with your DD.
Are you allowed to stay in touch with your fosterling?

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 31/07/2022 22:17

Yes, keeping in touch is encouraged by social services now thankfully and this family want to stay in touch.

I am safely at DD's, fosterling 1 is fast asleep after a lovely afternoon in the country park and we are looking forward to a lazy day tomorrow.

Saying goodbye was harder than I thought but I feel at peace because I know it is absolutely right for her and her family.

OP posts:
DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms · 31/07/2022 22:50

@bloodywhitecat that's a lovely update!
I had a bad time last year (nothing in comparison to yours) and I find a lot of comfort in doing voluntary work so I can appreciate how important your fosterlings must be to you.

Squiff70 · 31/07/2022 23:08

Oh @bloodywhitecat , I can't even imagine.

I remember so well your posts about your husband. Your complete, unfaltering adoration for each other was so plain to see.

Your little one moving to their new family is a wonderful thing, although utterly world-shattering for you. Just think of what your love and care has provided her with. Look at the start you have given her! Keep in mind the loving home you have provided for her in her year of desperate need.

I can't even imagine how this feels. But I am sure of one thing. Your husband may well be looking down on you and your little foster daughter tomorrow and be beaming with pride and love for both of you. He will be with you both, always 🥰

WinterMusings · 31/07/2022 23:09

@bloodywhitecat ((((Hug)))

sorry I've namechanged again, but we've chatted on all your threads & not that long ago about fosterling going to her firever home, that few weeks has gone so quickly!!

you're a million times stronger & braver than I'll ever be. I couldn't foster, I'd want to keep them all! But after DH, & this one being a part of your life with DH, must be even harder. I am so happy that they support keeping in touch these days and her new parents wanting that too.

You're brave & you're strong, & you'll keep plodding on because you're you! But there's room for tears too, let them
pour out, it's very important not to bottle up your grief & sadness.. Your DD must be so proud of you, she'll be no less proud if you cry! Xx

DH's birthday is something to celebrate, do as much as you can to celebrate his life ❤️
Fish & Chips on the Green sounds perfect!! Followed by cake of course! Do you have a friend you could invite around for the evening?

I'm so sad & sorry that you've been left with questions about DH's care, that's hard. Very hard.

he always sounded like a lovely, lovely man & it's not bloody fair xx

Squiff70 · 31/07/2022 23:11

Sorry, just saw, your post was from yesterday about today. My thoughts still stand.

You are so brave. I admire you more than you'll ever know!

DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms · 06/08/2022 19:48

How are you getting on, OP? xx

LaPerduta · 06/08/2022 20:58

That's a lot to deal with all at once. I hope you have some good support and the opportunity to be kind to yourself.

purpleme12 · 06/08/2022 21:03

@bloodywhitecat I also know your posts and you always sound like such a lovely person
I'm glad you've got DD

Shrewsbury247 · 06/08/2022 21:04

Just sending love and strength to you bloodywhitecat….. I followed your story from the beginning and I think you are just so amazingly strong ❤️

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 07/08/2022 09:09

Her move went smoothly and she seems to be settling in nicely. I went to DD's with my other small person and we did lots of lovely things with him. We took him on a train and his little face was priceless. We spent DH's birthday at the seaside, we had fish and chips and watched a beautiful sunset. I came home to discover the plum tree that had borne fruit (it never fruited before, it was always his mission to get it to fruit) has dropped every single plum. I think he's up there somewhere, having a great big laugh!

OP posts:
DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms · 07/08/2022 17:45

That's a beautiful update, OP, thanks for sharing!
Cheering you on!

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