Awkward conversation with FIL help!

[Carrie76]

My FIL is a lovely man he lives about 3hrs away from us so we see him every few months. He’s suffering from cancer and lives alone, his meds are playing havoc with his bowels and he has constant diarrhea.

I’ve just cleaned his bathroom and he has wet wipes and sudocreme in there. I’m guessing he’s in a lot of discomfort. I’m all too familiar with the red hot pain when sitting on the loo! I recently for a portable bidet recommended by someone on here and it was a game changer.

i think it would really help FIL but how do I broach the subject! He’s not a big chatter and we usually discuss the weather and family so it’s a bit of a leap from normal chats

I think it would be better coming from your DH.

I'd either be very matter of fact, and just say "I know how uncomfortable using the loo a lot can be, these really make it better." Or I'd buy him one, put it in the bathroom, and stick a note on saying the same and never mention it in person.

Probably this, but has he actually told his medical team he’s having problems or is he trying to stiff upper lip it? I’ve experienced this with a relative and once the doctors were made aware of the problem they were able to adjust the medication.

Could you buy him one and gift it to him?

thats worse than just having a conversation about it and a bit weird
is your DH comfortable to speak to hm ?

I agree with the matter of fact approach. This is a medical issue. If it doesn't feel like the conversation is going well then just leave it and move on to something else. Don't start it thinking it'll be embarrassing and uncomfortable (although I know this can be hard) and don't let uncomfortable silences sit after, have some things you can talk about after to keep the conversation moving.

I would say , "Have you ever thought of getting a bidet? We got one that was recommended to us and it's been brilliant."

He shouldn't be dealing with such profuse diarrhoea. If it's a side effect of his chemo he can contact the acute oncology team for advice on how to manage this ( every centre that delivers chemo will have a 24hr number). The risk is that continuous diarrhoea can lead to dehydration and electrolyte imbalance and in the worst case scenario kidney damage which will affect his ability to have more chemo.
If it's a consequence of surgery then he can speak with his Cancer Nurse Specialist who can support him to help get it better controlled.

Many thanks for the replies, he has spoken to a few people about it. His red and white blood cells have dropped and he’s having his bone marrow tested.

I think I’ll buy one and get my SIL to give it to him and explain it.