I'm a teacher and about 12 years ago I worked as a long term supply in a school in a big English city. There was a male teaching assistant (I'm going to call him Joe). He also was supply and worked for the same agency. We often chatted and got on quite well. I was living with my boyfriend who is now my husband. I was not attracted to Joe at all and he knew I had a boyfriend.
The school was outside the city centre, where I lived, and buses were infrequent and unreliable. I needed to get straight home right after work as I was expecting guests and wanted to get my flat tidied Nd make dinner etc. I knew he drove past my street as he had given me a lift before. I asked if he wouldn't mind giving me another lift. He said that was fine and to meet him in the carpark after school. It was December so it got dark early.
I noticed he had had a haircut and commented, just making small talk. He told me he got it done at his friend's barber shop in town. I explained why I needed the lift, and asked him to drop me at an Aldi at the end of my street as I needed to get some food for my guests. We drove along chatting normally for 10 mins or so and I realised that he wasn't slowing down as Aldi approached. I said 'Just here is fine' and he kept driving. He said 'I want to show you my friend's barbershop'.
I said 'I'm sorry but I don't really have time, can you let me off at the Aldi?' He ignored me and started driving around back streets and continued talking to me. I felt very, very uncomfortable but continued talking normally. He asked me did I want to have a family and then he asked did I think he was weird. I said 'you wont let me out of you car, so yes that is weird!' He said some other things and I remember saying 'what am I supposed to do, throw myself out of the car?'. It was obvious I wanted to get out and he sort of brushed it off, continuing to drive around these back streets. I went quiet and stopped talking to him.the atmosphere was really tense but almost manic. He seemed giddy at times while I was now cold and non responsive.
Eventually he pulled into an alleyway. I remember thinking 'I read that 9 out of 10 women who get raped have a bad feeling beforehand but ignored it and now it looks like it might happen to me'.
Instead, he pointed to a building and said, in the most defeated, empty tone, 'there's the barber shop'.
He drove out of the alleyway and brought us onto a busier street. He pointed at a Coop and said 'there's a shop'. He seemed so angry and flat. I legged it right out of the car door and immediately rang my friend to tell her what happened. She said something about how odd it was. I told my boyfriend when I got home and he was kind of nonchalant about it too, and basically said 'What a weirdo. Don't get a lift with him again.' Nobody seemed to think it was a big deal so I never told anyone else.
I stopped speaking to Joe and avoided him in work. He watched me all the time. Watching me at our school Christmas dinner, and our Christmas night out. One day after school, I was marking in my classroom and he came into my class with a cardboard box of things to sort, and started going through it in my room, in silence.
About 2 months later, I got chatting to a colleague and blurted it all out. She told me I had to tell the boss, or she would as it was a safeguarding issue. So I did, I told the headteacher who said he knew something was up as Joe kept texting him to ask 'is everything OK?' He had been texting him with these paranoid texts since around that time that he wouldn't stop the car.
As Joe was supply staff, he was dropped from the school staff immediately. I had to give a statement to our agency consultant who also believed me. Joe told everyone that I was crazy and that we actually got on 'like a house on fire'. He ranted and raved to my boss that he was going to sue me for defamation of character. My boss said I couldn't tell anyone what happened and we weren't 'allowed' to discuss the issue between ourselves. Nobody knew why he was 'sacked' and I was told not to say why if anyone asked.
The agency kept him on but just moved him elsewhere, and I also saw him working as a bouncer in a club in the city. When he saw me walking along the street the club was on, he just said 'well, well, well'. I quickly crossed the road to get away from him.
This happened in 2011/2012 and while the school dropped him, I think they were looking for an excuse to get rid of him. The agency kept him on, and he continued his job with the club. Nothing happened to me but I felt scared in his car. I never outright told him something assertive, like 'stop this car right now!' (I would now) so I guess technically he didn't commit a crime but should I have told the police?
He was out of order wasn't he?
What would you have done in that situation?
It feels like a such a weird, hushed up non-event event but I felt so vulnerable and never really processed what happened. I'm over it and have moved on from it long ago, but kept it quiet for so long that I decided to share this experience. It popped into my mind tonight so thought I would see if other thought this was as messed up as I felt it was at the time.
What do you think was going through his head?
Thanks for reading if you got this far. Hope there aren't too many typos!