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Original poster

How to help dd13 find friends on French campsite

28 replies

holidaysos · 28/07/2022 22:51

Name changed for this! Currently staying on a large campsite in north of France with a popular tour operator - me, dp, dd13 and two younger ds.
Dd is the sociable one in a family of introverts! Younger two are happy playing together, and she has been getting on fine with them, but I am really aware that she would probably like to find some friends of her own age and interests to hang out with - we have been on several similar holidays pre covid, and she always found some girls her age to play with in nearby cabins, but there doesn't seem to be anyone near us this time (also aware it is a funny age, there are younger kids playing around where we are but nobody her own age).
I took her down to see what was happening this evening and there was a massive pool disco for all ages, which we had not known about. She enjoyed watching, and we had a drink but I know she would have loved to join in. I have tried to persuade her to go along to the teens club, but she has refused so far, I'm not sure why, though she did say that probably no one else will go.
At home, she is popular, fashion conscious in a very mainstream way, has a lot of friends and makes friends quite easily when given the opportunity. I suspect a lot of people come to places like this with other families, which we have never done, but surely not everyone. I've never been keen to bring a friend with us as we don't have room in our car, it would feel like a massive responsibility and I would not find it relaxing .
Anyone's teens had success meeting people via the teens club at such places or is it really something nobody goes to? I may be worrying about this more than she is, but I do really want her to have a good time and not be reduced to hanging about in the evening with her mum!

OP posts:

Gazelda · 28/07/2022 22:59

I'm don't have any insight I'm afraid. We're off to a French campsite in a few weeks and I'm pretty certain that DD 14 will refuse to join in with the teen club. She's a real introvert and struggles to make friends, so I'm under no illusion that she'll go along.

She's very happy in her own company, and with me/DH. It's a shame she won't have company of her own age, but if she's happy then I guess that's ok.

Playplayaway · 28/07/2022 23:07

Can you ask whoever runs the teen club for advice. They might be able to chat with her and persuade her to go along. I'm sure she not the only lone teen on the whole campsite who would like some company.

minipie · 28/07/2022 23:11

Well she won’t know whether anyone goes to the teens club unless she gives it a try. If she goes and it’s awful then she can leave, but it’s worth a go surely.

Is there a cafe/bar on site - that seems likely to be a teen hang out? Do you have bikes, she could bike around the site and see if she can spot any likely looking clusters?

Are there lots of Brits - if not then she may well be nervous about a language barrier.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

13 year olds Families

SweetSakura · 28/07/2022 23:13

It's very much luck of the draw in my experience, it just depends who is there that week. But she's got nothing to lose by trying the club. Or are there sports activities or something like that she could do?

Original poster

holidaysos · 29/07/2022 07:28

Thanks all - mix of nationalities but plenty of people from UK and Ireland.
Yes, I agree she has nothing to lose by trying the teens club, the worst that can happen is she has an awkward and boring couple of hours - this is what I'm finding frustrating. Will wander up there today to see what's happening, and make further effort to persuade her.
We didn't bring bikes - she plays football, so that might be something to try to join in with.

OP posts:

minipie · 29/07/2022 08:38

I (just about…) remember that age and how excruciatingly embarrassing everything felt, especially things involving meeting new people my age. I missed out on a fair few social opportunities because I just couldn’t face the possibility of something being awkward or getting it wrong.

It’s a shame but not the end of the world if she has a slightly lonely holiday. In a year or two she’ll feel more confident about seeking others out I expect.

Having said that, I you can persuade her to give the teen club a go. Maybe she can take a book/phone so she has something to do if there’s not much going on or she can’t quite face talking to people on her first visit.

SwedishEdith · 29/07/2022 08:48

Can one of you play football with her? I used to find this type of thing excruciating on holiday at your daughter's age but my brothers always found friends through football. International language - especially with the women's football atm. Or is there a pool table? Often a good way as someone always wants a game.

AlphaAlpha · 29/07/2022 08:50

Are you at LCDVP by any chance?

There is a FB group for that particular site, you could post on there and see if any others have kids the same age there currently?

Original poster

holidaysos · 29/07/2022 09:17

Hi, not at LCDVP but will see if our site has a Facebook page.
I also remember this age and being on holiday and it being a bit of a no man's land between running around with the other little kids and being old enough to hang out with proper teenagers (and drink beer...)
She seems happy enough..... there were loads of people playing football last night in the big cage thing, and I did say they can't possibly all know each other just go and ask to play, but she wouldn't!
Last holiday, age 10 she just made a friend queuing for the slides in the pool, but maybe it was a bit easier then.

OP posts:

BugsInTheBed · 29/07/2022 09:21

There's a huge difference between 10 and 13 though. I dont expect my 13 year old to ""go play" or "make a friend" in the way I might when they were toddlers at the park. Must admit hadnt occured to me. I would have been similar though - enjoyed the family holiday/doing activities but not really be keen on "making a friend " for just the week.

BugsInTheBed · 29/07/2022 09:22

(I genuinely clicked thinking she'd lost her actual friend!)

LynetteScavo · 29/07/2022 09:22

Could you go and strike up conversation with parents you see with girls of a similar age, and then mention your DD has no one to hang out with?

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 29/07/2022 09:26

Playplayaway · 28/07/2022 23:07

I like this idea ... the rep may have an idea if similar kids already there and could arrange activities or groups so they are together.

It's still not a natural way to get hints going I guess but not as excruciating as trying to approach other kids or a group cold.

I sympathise OP ... mine is exactly like this!

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 29/07/2022 09:28

SwedishEdith · 29/07/2022 08:48

Yes pool table is an excellent idea especially if she's an ok player ... the game provides a great distraction from the TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS thing which is excruciating at that age. But a vicious cycle for introverts

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 29/07/2022 09:28

BugsInTheBed · 29/07/2022 09:22

(I genuinely clicked thinking she'd lost her actual friend!)

Me too

hopeishere · 29/07/2022 09:31

Is she unhappy or bored? I'm an introvert tho so the thought of being managed into making friends is my idea of hell!!

BugsInTheBed · 29/07/2022 09:42

I think most 13 year olds would rather shrivel up and die than "play" with a person your mum has randomly found who happens to be the same age wouldnt they?!

Ohthatsexciting · 29/07/2022 09:44

Why the name change? Nothing to be embarrassed about

if she is happy and popular and sociable at home - does she need to make friends on holiday? Just let her chill and be with you and your dh. It’s only fleeting before she won’t be joining you on holidays!

BugsInTheBed · 29/07/2022 09:47

Yes that too - we've not really used holidays as making friend time but having time together as the family/relaxing/etc.

Do adults normally "make friends" on holiday? I guess possibly with a cruise holiday but we've never really tried to as adults as it would get in the way.

We chat to people if we're camping but in passing, not to go spend time with. Id have thought a 13 year old would be the same.

Ohthatsexciting · 29/07/2022 09:49

Who cares what others do OP

Do what suits you and your family

You are on holiday. Make friends / Don’t make friends. There is no norm, people just do what suits them.

Ohthatsexciting · 29/07/2022 09:50

You have been a parent for 13 years but it’s as though you have very little experience.

Just let her be. If she makes friends, great. If she doesn’t, great because more family time and then shortly back with all her friends anyway.

DFOD · 29/07/2022 09:57

If she is indifferent about making new friends - then just let her chill.

She is likely just happy observing and hanging back for this week - she sounds socially secure at home so why are you anxious / worried / getting involved? That approach could be counterproductive - maybe says more about your own social anxieties than it does about hers?

Enjoy the time as a family with your lovely daughter - drop your expectations and just let her be herself. This generation are under so much pressure socially online and IRL - maybe she just wants so downtime socially.

Coughee · 29/07/2022 10:02

You say she seems happy enough so I'm not sure why you're making a big deal of this? She clearly doesn't have any friendship issues at home so this isn't symptomatic of anything bigger. Maybe she's enjoying spending time with her family and just chilling? Leave her be. Don't go posting on social media or asking around the campsite for a friend for her. You could really embarrass her!

balalake · 29/07/2022 11:00

What you don't say unless I have missed something is whether or not your DD speaks French. I think that would help if the case.

Original poster

holidaysos · 29/07/2022 11:39

Didn't realise the title made it sound like had lost an actual friend!

Some odd comments - yes of course I have experience being a parent 😐 I also know my daughter, and at home she is really not good at being in her own company and always wants to be doing something/ meeting up with someone.
However, yes good points that maybe she is ok chilling with her family, she seems ok anyway. And no I have no intention of trying to make a friend for her!
Interestingly when I was a kid my parents often did make friends on holiday with other adults around, and would chat together in the evenings and have a drink - though I have absolutely no interest in doing this and happy with my book!! Maybe was more of an eighties/ nineties thing.

OP posts:

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