80s Parenting

[Limpshade]

Today, my DH told me that when he was five years old and on holiday in Europe, his parents went out alone for dinner, telling him and his sister (same age) to lock the door behind them and keep it locked until they came back. DH remembered a rock pool he'd seen that day so instead, he went out to explore it (in the night) and was so long doing so that when he came back, his sister had fallen asleep and he was locked out. He was forced to sleep on the floor of the corridor outside until his parents returned from dinner.

I was . I mean, my mum and dad were definitely "light touch" parents in the 80s but I don't think they'd have ever done this certainly not at a hotel since it was camping every year for us. Was this a "thing" that many parents did? DH seems to think it was perfectly normal (although agrees we wouldn't leave our own kids in this way)!

"I suppose wraparound care wasn’t a ‘thing.’

No, my mum didn't work, but children were definitely given a key (either hidden in garden or worn on chain around their necks) to let themselves in.

I also remember doing my babysitting qualification at school at 12 or 13. We were babysitting other people's children from that age, and was seen as perfectly normal.

I was a child of the 70s and regularly walked to and from school alone from about 6. lots of others did too. it was about a 20 minute walk through the village. looked after my sister from about age 12 whilst my parents worked she was 4 On holiday my parents frequently put two chairs together for us to sleep on in clubhouse. This was the norm though Never left alone at night

I was a Holiday Rep in Greece starting in 1987. My role was the Kiddie Club Rep, so organised activities etc. One of the ‘selling points’ of the Club was nightly room patrol so the parents could enjoy a ‘night out’. They’d add their name to the list on my notice board, drop their keys to me at reception and head out.
I’d get the list and collect the keys and then ‘patrol’ the corridors listening for them upset. They’d write on the sheet where’d they be (restaurant, beach taverna etc etc).
It did not sit well with me the whole ‘listening’ so I’d always ask the parents if they’d mind if I opened the door and physically checked on the kids. Everyone agreed.

I’ll never forget one night, Crete it was. A 4 year old girl. Opened door, crept in, empty bed. Checked the room, bathroom, under the bed, wardrobe etc etc…..nowhere to be seen.

It was pitch black, I went straight to Reception to alert the hotel staff, we’d need torches and to make an announcement in the bars etc/call police etc. As I reached the front desk, there she was sitting at a little table sipping a coke with one of the receptionists. She’d actually climbed over the (ground floor) balcony.

Her parents never gave a damn, they booked every night for the patrolling service, I ended up having her awake with me each night (she loved it).

I remember my parents leaving me and my brother in a hotel room while they went to dinner. I was about 5 possibly 6 and he was 3 or 4. He started to cry and I couldn't get him to stop even by giving him my tube of smarties. So I called the reception and they sent my parents up. I was sent shopping at 7, allowed home alone at 10, had the Run of the village by 9. I was left to baby sit at 12, to a 10 and 6 year old sibling. By 14 I was babysitting a neighbours newborn so the parents could eat out and also 3 and 4 year olds for a whole day including taking them In to town on a bus! Oh and my two year old sibling was handed over to a lovely yet completely unknown at the time hew neighbour to be baby sat while we un packed from a house move. My parents trusted her as she was a church member. But the worse from my perspective was the most socially acceptable: boarding school at 12.
Funnily enough I wasn't allowed to read books my parents hadn't pre read or watch TV!

Even so my parents were strict compared to my husband's. Solo wild camping at 11, left outside shops in a pram with the dog too look after him, baby sat by 9 year old sibling while parents worked. Left home alone from mid primary school age and expected to cook own dinner. Allowed to light the fire, played with tools etc while parents were out while in primary school.

Wouldn't let my kids do these things at these ages. We live in the same village I lived in at 9 and my 10 year old doesn't roam free, she can go out with older siblings or to play in the nearer parts of the village. My oldest started baby sitting siblings at 16 and other kids at 17.

Now I feel sick to think that I sent my DS age 5 off alone to the hotel pool while I was in the room having a shower. At the time, 1986, it didn't cross my mind that he might not be safe 😣

I've still got my chickaboo, he must be 42 years old now!

In the 80s I was regularly left alone , with my younger sibling, for half the day during the holidays while my parents worked, from the age of about 6 or 7. I was a latchkey kid from the same age. The rules were not to answer the door and no one in the house. I’m not sure about being left alone in strange places, but we were certainly encouraged to roam holiday parks without parental escort. By the time I was 9 I was cooking simple stuff and left watching baby siblings for short times. By 13 I was left with them as toddlers for hours at a time and babysitting for other families too. I used to get called all names under the sun by my parents if I ever protested and there were never any thanks.

I didn’t particularly want to raise any kids of mine the same way.

@AllAboutMargot just out of interest, how did it not occur to you that a 5 year old should be supervised at a pool? I’m sorry I really am not trying to be mean or nasty. I’m just wondering what it was about the 80s that was different, I mean drowning etc was still a thing?

Such a service as mentioned by @maddiemookins16mum was offered by Mark Warner holidays in the early 90s. Like hell did I use it!
Aged 6 I was left alone in a tent while my parents went to a friends caravan. I went to find them with my little torch. I had very responsible parents, so it must have been normal.

My mum told me that once when we went away on holiday she used the hotel 'babysitting' service, her and my dad went on a riverboat casino and she was so worried she cried almost the whole time they were on the boat.

I was about 3 and my sister about 1. Getting to that hotel is one of my earliest memories but thankfully I don't remember that night - a former boyfriend had a similar experience but the babysitter was only paid till midnight so just left, he woke up and was all alone!

They had this kind of set up at Mark Warner in the early 2000s. We stayed there before we had kids and there were members of staff at the end of each row of rooms with listening monitors

One of my earliest memories is of sleeping alone in the car boot age 2 (actually 1977). My parents were sleeping in a tent nearby. I probably wouldn't have been too bothered except the windscreen had a big hole in it after a stone had shattered it. I think there was much less parental supervision in the 1980s. I remember staying in a hotel aged 12 sharing a room with my 9 year old sister, but our parents room was in a completely different part of the hotel! Still, we survived.

I grew up caravanning and was pretty feral, being allowed to do things from a very young age that would be horribly frowned on now; roaming the unknown countryside for hours, normally whole days on our own, sleeping in tents outside which meant no sleep and midnight wanderings, playing on massive haystacks and in abandoned buildings..

I have such fond memories of a fellow carravanning friend and I spending literally hours in the back of his grandads white van.. no windows or snacks (or toilets), just each other for hours and hours. We'd have been probably 6 or so.. God knows.

I am probably more lenient with my DC on campsites than many purely because of my early experiences but we never came to any harm and the independence was amazing. My school friends were absolutely horrified 😄

Things were more innocent back then. From the age of around 8ish, all us neighbourhood kids would go out to play after breakfast and wouldn't be seen again till teatime, bar perhaps popping in for snacks. We used to play in a field beside our house, but certainly not in view of our parents and be gone for hours on end. Now kids can't even go outside to play themselves. Which I don't blame parents for.

I wonder what actually changed things from the way they used to be to the way they are now. Perhaps more access to information about things happening to children and so parents becoming more and more cautious? I don't know.

Yeah, same here - went to Mark Warner in 2001 and they did this. We got to know some of the staff - they said that lots of parents used this service.

I do remember at Primary school ( I lived in the same road, as did my friend) that she was almost the only child ever to be taken to or collected from school. Everyone else just walked themselves from 5 or 6. I can distinctly remember my Mum being late to pick me up at lunch time in my first few weeks in reception, and another parent offering to take me home, so I just got in the car with them and they delivered me home. I got a massive telling off from my parents for getting in a car with a stranger, and decided after that that I would walk home myself, because Mum was always a bit vague about timings!
So although I was probably just 5 at this point, the school had no problem with me waltzing off with a stranger, or with me taking myself home.
By the time I was 8, my mum was working all day, and as a treat I used to be allowed to bring friends home for lunch with no adults around ,and we would cook something together, make ourselves a cuppa, wash up and then go back to school. The other parents allowed it, school didn't ask any questions, no one had an issue with 4 eight year olds cooking on the gas stove, using boiling water or being responsible enough to lock up afterwards.

For context, we are on holiday and were discussing using a babysitting service when this story came up. I definitely wouldn't consider this to be leaving kids "unguarded"; in the end, we decided against booking as we have a DC who has ASD and we were worried they wouldn't cope with an unfamiliar person if they woke up.

And this is when DH piped up with, "Well, in my day..." (which was also my day ). Definitely no babysitter or listener around in his case; his parents left the hotel and walked off into town DH maintains this was totally "normal" for the 80s and that it was a "big adventure" for him

I was born in 1977 and my parents would leave me in the hotel room for a bit to fall asleep when I was around 7-10 I think.
I grew up in rural Sussex and from 7, my next door neighbour and I (she was 8) would go out for walks, go to the sweet shop a couple of miles away, generally roam about in the holidays. All the children in my village played out. This was totally normal.
As an adult, my mum said it did make her nervous but as there were lots of us around she thought it was probably fine (it was).
From year 5 I was allowed to cycle into the next village about a 20 minute cycle away (as I had passed my cycling proficiency!) and in the holidays it was definitely a case of “make sure you’re home for dinner” which was about 6.30.
It was a really idyllic childhood and I’m sad that my children don’t get the same opportunities these days.

James Bulger in the early 90s and Madeleine McCann in the early 00s.

Children still have the freedom to go out and about by themselves in Germany and other Northern European countries, although nobody is leaving children unattended in hotel rooms I don't think.

Pools have lifeguards and she was following just behind. I mean I agree this is not really supervision, but that probably seemed quite safety conscious for the time!

Grew up in the 70s and 80s, we played out unsupervised all day long and I was also left home alone for brief periods if off school sick. Strict instructions not to open the door or touch anything in the kitchen.

We usually went camping on holiday, and only had one hotel stay. We weren’t left alone at all, if we were in a pub for our evening meal we would sit and have a coke while mum and dad had a few pints. People didn’t mind well behaved kids in pubs and either licensing wasn’t strict or nobody cared in the remote Scottish Highlands.

I grew up in the 1970s in a quiet village and was allowed out to play all day if I wanted from about age 6 and my brother from age 4. Parents had no idea where we were. We didn't have to tell them we were going out, where we were going or when we'd be home. I also walked myself a mile to school from age 5 crossing roads alone.

My fave places to play were abandoned or burnt out cars, abandoned buildings, the railway line, haystacks, playing on iced over rivers etc. I'd consider these play environments quite unsafe and we were told not to play in the first two to be fair.

This wasn't unusual parenting in my village and certainly my parents were quite judgemental of parents who they thought were worse. Worse consisted of stuff like eating cold baked beans for tea from a can on your own and playing on your bungalow roof.

Fortunately there somehow were no serious accidents and cuts,scrapes, bruises and water going over the top of our wellies was the normal extent of it.

My mum says my dad (now divorced!) always wanted to leave us alone in the hotel room when on holiday so they could go clubbing together.
My mum wouldn't allow it but I'm sure it did happen
I have friends now who have confessed that they would leave children in hotel rooms and go for a drink in the hotel bar, up until Madeline McCann being taken and that frightened them enough to stop.

My folks were way too casual/lazy. But in the 80s there were also some generic differences, like I remember disappearing for hours each day on my bike (obviously with no phone, also no helmet) and noone batted an eyelid. We'd all presumably have heart attacks now if our kids just disappeared for 5 hours on a bike with no contact.