Have I fucked it up too much? Pushed it too far?

[FuckMeHesFitAintHe]

Since the beginning of lockdown I have been battering my health. I've smoked too much. Probably averaging around 5 per day... but none for 5/6 days sometimes then loads at the weekend. I've been drinking far far too much, although that was knocked on the head last Christmas. I still drink but not as much, probably usually not much more than the recommended weekly allowance although I do trip and fall sometimes still. I've lost a lot of weight. It came off through stress but I kept it off through calorie counting and by becoming active. I usually eat quite healthily. Over the past two years I have been through several horrible events that have completely changed my personality. I'm so much quieter now and keep to myself a lot. I avoid people. In hindsight I have been severely depressed and probably had a breakdown. The drinking I'm not so worried about as I was never a very heavy drinker beforehand but I've always been a light smoker since my mid teens. The good news is I am moving away to a new area in November and I'll be starting a whole new life so I'm really hoping I can put everything behind me and start turning into who I want to be and get my sense of humour back. Start being a bit more social, hopefully I'll be a nicer person to be around. I know you'll say "why not start now if you're so worried?" but I'm not as strong as you. But by the end of this year I want to be a healthy, positive NON smoker who actually has respect for her body and her lungs instead of being a walking chain smoking drunken embarrassment. By this point I will have turned 38. It's the weekends that have ashamed me the most. I was drinking heavily and smoking heavily all weekend every weekend. I would always feel sick with guilt on Sunday and vow the next weekend would be better but it never was. I've improved but I'm not quite out of the woods yet. I guess I'm just wondering if it's too late and I'll end up in bad health - mainly cancer is my biggest worry. I'm not old but I'm not young. I feel so guilty. Is it too late to do my health a favour?

Well. That's me fucked then!

It’s definitely not too late! But don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect - make gradual, realistic changes.

I'd say it's never too late, but rather than think of the move as the Big Next Stage where everything will turn around, you could see the months leading up to it as a series of small achievable goals so when November comes around you have a series of coping mechanisms and healthy behaviours that you know work for you.

Celebrate those small wins, I see you said "I'm not out of the woods yet" but you're moving in the direct direction! You're already seeing some improvements which is brilliant.

You have already made some positive steps towards better health - you are still young with a lot of years ahead, just focus on the improvements - celebrate your success, it’s not too late. Be kind to yourself.

It's certainly not too late. Identifying the issues is a huge first step.

Create an achievable plan. Don't try to fix everything at once!

You are doing really well. I know how difficult it is, I stopped smoking half a dozen times before giving up for good. It's such an addictive bad habit but the best thing you will do for your health once you stop.
And think of the money you'll save for your new home if you're not buying cigarettes and booze!

Baby steps and you'll get there 💐

Thanks for the reassuring comments, I shouldn't be such a bloody wimp

i kicked smoking by reading Allen Carr. I was in your frame of mind - disgusted by them, and by myself for doing it. I have never looked back.

Well done for taking your life on like this. The move is not the big change - the decision to move, and making that happen was the big change.

👏 👏 👏

OP being practical, you need to replace one addiction with another. I guess we all know the only healthy addiction (for want of a better term) is exercise, but that could come in many forms, training for an event, new hobby, gym. If you can find a way to throw yourself into it, it can help give you a buzz that'll help take the edge of wanting the drinks or cigs.

I won't forget this last sentence - ever. Thank you x