Toddler didn’t sleep, teen dd upset, I’m incredibly stressed

[IvebeenUpAllNightNoSleep]

I really need a hand hold/vent.
my toddler spent most of night crying. I think she got completely over tired then couldn’t settle. It was a horrendous night for me and DH. We could not settle her. She’s got a cold and isn’t herself.

DD13 had some teeth out today in prep for brace and was really upset by it. So trying to look after her , DD10 subsequently getting ignored. As toddler is very whiny and crying a lot today. I can’t make her happy!

I don’t know why but for first time I seem to have self harmed or something. I’ve badly scratched my arm (in the night and today) have hidden it from DH as I feel embarrassed. I did it at moments of real frustration. You know when you just want to run away?? That feeling. 😭Not good is it.

I wonder if it’s hormonal that I feel so stressed and upset today? I don’t know about my menstrual cycle as I’ve had a coil on and off for years and never get a period.

Bless you that sounds really stressful! Have you got anyone who could take the 10 year old out and make a fuss of him? Sorry you’re having a hard day, tomorrow will be better!

You poor thing. Sounds like staying the obvious but are you keeping toddler topped up on Calpol?

I pull my eyelashes out when I'm stressed so I can sort of relate. I recommend putting an elastic band round your wrist and pinging it hard in moments of frustration.

I'm sorry you're having a hard day. I hope tonight and tomorrow is better.

I've done similar with the scratching- it's a very common form of self harm and comes from feeling an overload of difficult emotions and no way to release it. It's a lot more common than self harm when you're trying to cause serious harm to yourself or are suicidal.

Things my mental health nurse taught me and that've worked for me:

• Keep hair ties around your wrist. Ping it whenever you start to feel those feelings bubbling up. It's a short sharp snappy pain just like scratching but won't cause damage and is easier to hide from people

• Keep ice in the freezer. You can go and smash it with a rolling pin or something when you feel overwhelmed and like you need to do something physical and powerful with your hands. You can also hold the ice in your hand for as long as you can, the coldness is again painful in a similar way to scratching but not harmful and not damaging if your kids were to see you. You can also teach them that holding the ice when they're feeling overwhelmed is a healthy way of managing difficult feelings.

• Take a really really cold as you can stand jr shower. The cold water almost shocks your brain back to normal and has stopped me from developing major panic attacks.

Since using these techniques I've only scratched myself once, after several nights of no sleep and then DS going to hospital with a head injury. Other than that I've gone through a lot of hair ties and ice!

In the meantime, be kind to yourself. A bad night's sleep is hard. Maybe you can stick a film on and all blob out for the afternoon together and rest your minds and your bodies

It means so much you have replied :)

DD10 ( girl !) she’s gone upstairs for a long leisurely bath so I’m quite glad about that. Her best friend is on holiday unfortunately and so is all my family!

DH has just come home and taken the toddler to work for an hour then will come home for an hours lunch. So we’ve got a breather. Normally she loves calpol but is being very awkward with it currently. Last week she had croup and was really poorly for 24hrs. She’s been left with a cold/sore throat I think.

@addler ive just never done anything like that before. It was an alternative to basically smashing up something. Which is ridiculous I would never do that. I felt/feel like I want to scream and thrash about. If I lived in the middle of knowhere id be outside screaming in the garden.

I’ll read your post properly

it helps so much you’ve replied

I’m a 39 year old women. I should be a more able to be logical about these things.

I'm a 39 year old woman too and I can confidently say that logic goes out of the window when you are caring for sick kids!! There is nothing more relentless.

I also feel a bit gutted. You know start of summer holidays etc… I want to curl up in a ball and go to bed with my husband. And have a bit of a cry then go to sleep.