People that make you feel anxious

[Camelliacottage]

At the ripe old age of 41 I have gradually over the years just kept friends with people who do not make me feel anxious, insecure and paranoid. No one in my life makes me feel any of the above at all. Until now. There is a mum at my son’s school who is so judgemental and makes me feel so anxious and overtly analytical about things.

Unfortunately my son and hers are good friends and part of a friendship group where I have become friends with the other parents. I hate it when my phone pings and it’s a message from her, everything is manipulated to how it suits her and her family and it’s got to the point where I dread plans which have been arranged with the group as she stands there analysing the children playing together.

I feel sick thinking about it all and she is constantly in my mind. If it wasn’t for the fact that we will be seeing her and her family for the next 5 years at school I would happily have backed away and just avoided any situations with her, but unfortunately it’s not that easy unless I want to ostracise my son from the group he is in or his friend. I will do whatever I need for my son so will keep up a ‘friendship’ however I’m not sure how to deal with the constant anxiety and butterflies in my stomach.

My other friends just don’t make me feel this way or I’m not good enough.

Just keep her at arms length and don't engage in her silly analysis. If she is a nightmare her child will probably end up being one as well as the friendship will drift.

I am going on holiday with someone as part of a larger group who puts me on edge soon and plan to just chat away but keep my distance. In my case Im not sure if the problem is me or them but I feel judged in their presence.

I totally get the anxious feeling, when I feel like this around someone its horrid and me being on edge seems to make my DC play up, making everything worse

I had this, other mother was a total nightmare. She ended up blaming my DS for everything that ever happened to her son, I called her bluff one day when she accused him of something untrue, I was livid. We're not friends any more and funnily enough the boys had already drifted apart as they often do at that age. Try not to let her get to you but I do totally get how hard that is. All I can say is that one day, hopefully in the not too distant future, she will be a dim and distant memory for you xx

I sometimes wonder if it is me, but I know one of the other ladies certainly feels the same. Also I was warned about her by another friend who has absolutely no link at the school, just from previous contact when she knew our children had become friends. Sorry you feel the same! At arms length as you say. And funnily enough her child is already proving to be the same as the mother. I guess I have to suck it up or face a fall out.

@Tougherpolicies a dim and distant memory would be wonderful! Sounds as if this sort of situation is a common occurrence.

@DialsMavis i hope the holiday goes ok, as you say, the children always seem to play up more in these situations, it’s like they know! 🤣

I was coming onto this thread to say that you alone are responsible for your anxiety - but actually this sounds like intuition. You know something isn't right with this person.

Keep her at arms length but be friendly. Trust your gut.