What would you do about forgotten birthday?

[Mellowyell292]

We have a huge family, I usually have at least 3 or 4 birthday cards to send each month. I've been quite ill physically and mentally over the last 2 years. I've forgotten lots of people's birthdays (not close family and friends, those dates are ingrained in my brain but cousins, aunts and uncles).

I've just lost the capacity to keep up with it all. When I'm feeling well I'm on top of things but I've just had a month long flare of physical symptoms on top of a 2 week anxiety attack.

I've just realised I forgot my uncles 70th birthday. It was 2 weeks ago. My mum would be very pissed off if she knew but my aunt (her sister) won't mention it I'm sure. I'm very private about my health, my mum only knows the basics of it. I'm on a lot of heavy duty meds at the moment. Do I just ignore it? The last time I forgot I phoned to apologise but I don't want them to know about my health problems and I think another 'oops sorry I forgot' will probably sound odd.

I'm really beating myself up about it! Shall I put a card in the post now and let them assume it got lost. We're not that close, see them once a year but due to covid haven't seen them for 3 years now.

Don't beat yourself up, many people (ie me) never remember to send cards to close family let alone the rest of them!

*but they always remember mine, DH and DC birthdays. God I feel like shit, i hate being so bloody incompetent! Its incredible what poor health can do to you, im just not functioning like i used to.

Thankyou. I never used to forget-ever! I need a better system I think. This just feels like one more thing I'm failing at. I just feel awful that it was his 70th.

Ring him! Have a chat, don't mention your health (if you don't want to) and announce to him and everyone el se that you're stopping with adult birthdays henceforth.

That must cost a bomb! Postage is sooooo expensive now.

It's ridiculous to be honest, when you're just managing the bare minimum of life admin it's just impossible to keep on top of. I can't face the phone call. I think I'll just leave it.

Put a card into the post now, with a short apology and a cheerful message. No harm done, I'm sure your relatives are reasonable people who understand that life can be busy and complicated.

Are they on text, messenger or WhatsApp? Can you just send message to say "sorry I forgot to send uncle whatsit a card, hope he had a lovely birthday "

I couldn’t tell you most of my aunts, uncles and cousins birthdays OP, haven’t got a clue! They’re adults, they don’t need a card etc. I couldn’t care less if I get cards from extended family members personally, and I doubt they do too, we don’t see or speak to each other except for weddings and funerals!

Just send a late card/gesture gift and apologise its late. Don't beat yourself up xx

Hi OP

Just in case it’s helpful, we have one of these hanging in a prominent place in the kitchen…

www.amazon.co.uk/GOTH-Perhk-Calendar-Birthday-Ornaments/dp/B08PY9BLRK/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=22XP32U8MKDW0&keywords=birthday+reminder+wall+hanging&qid=1658940328&sprefix=Birthday+reminder%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&smid=A1IK7UQ6QRWSZU&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyS0tNVlk1NklNOE5MJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMTA0OTAxMkJTQlZBUDYzWENLMSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNTc5ODE1MjFFREgzOURPSThTTyZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

Thankyou everyone. I dont know why this has upset me so much, it's been such a difficult couple of years, I'm just constantly letting people down.

I could have written your post, even down to the reason of chronic ill health.
I've forgotten close family too, it's all the more noticeable as previously I've made such an effort for each individual every time. I'm still hiding head in sand at forgetting FIL's at beginning of this month.
I don't know what answer is, my problem is brain fog & inability to think, I get confused what to buy, put it off or just completely forget when & it never enters my head.
I'm embarrassed about it

I stopped worrying about this problem a while ago OP.

I buy cards for all birthdays anniversaries etc at the start of each month, write them and post them all together. Some cards might get there really early this way but I don't care as I got sick of forgetting or apologising for late cards.

Pop a card in the post for your uncle.

Make a list of dates and write the next month's cards so that your h can post them for you in good time.

but I don't want them to know about my health problems and I think another 'oops sorry I forgot' will probably sound odd.
Obviously I don't know your family dynamics, but to most people that wouldn't be remotely odd. We've never done cards for extended family, other than children.

I think there are apps and online companies that you save all the birthdays in and it reminds you and will then help you send a card - would that help you?

Oh god don't worry about it -he's 70, he probably doesn't want bits of card delivered to him, and nor would be want you to be upset about it. Maybe text him, with real words rather than the generic 'Happy Birthday, hope you are all well?'

And do just jack off adult birthdays. Pretend it's for eco reasons, or financial reasons or just don't say why. Free yourself!

But don't go worrying about it or buying things to ake you remember to spend more money on bits of card that get chucked away.

Hope you see an improvement in your health soon.