DH and I not had sex for 2 years

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Since having our little one we've become really distant. We've not had sex for almost 2 years and we've had a bad time with our relationship too. We are still working on things but sex seems a long way off still until we start connecting on an emotional level first.

I'm ok with all of this and hope things can get better in the future BUT somethings bothering me . DH says in the whole 2 years he's not so much as had an erection or even thought about sex. I find this very hard to believe. He says he's not had any desire to have intercourse or even masterbate.

I've been so busy with our little boy and I know my libido dropped massively but even I have had urges from time to time.

Is it really possible for a man to not even get an erection in all that time?

Currently in this situation following the birth of our second child. I think since falling pregnant to 4 months pp we have had sex maybe 5 times. We use to be very very sexual active with each other and would find any excuse to do it and since having kids it's all changed.

I use to masturbate in the past and he didn't know and when he found it, I felt so embarrassed. However, I have actually given that up since I got pregnant as I felt it was interfering with my marriage, and tbh I have no clue if he actually masturbates or not but I naturally presume no because of the type of person he is.

Unfortunately there is no quick easy answer because your not the first and probably won't be the last, a lot of new parents are surprised with these kind of situations. From a woman's perspective we spent 9 months growing a whole human and then having to give birth and raise that child it takes a lot to want to get back into the normal routine as before.

Maybe try to speak with him and slowly start doing little things even if it's getting naked and kissing etc. I've really struggled myself as my desire feels non existent but these things take time and men have to understand and help with it

You might need the emotional side but men usually need the physical side first. I fear that if this goes on you will not have a marriage.
I'd suggest urgent counselling before the marriage just falls apart.

The problem is I do want to but he has no desire.

Friends I've spoken to suggest he's having an affair but I just think he has no sex drive.

Even when we did have sec he never ever instigated it even once!

I mean 2 years is a long time but if he was having an affair I'm sure he would do other things that might make you suspect. It's possible he just doesn't a sexual desire for you anymore or simply just doesn't like sex.

My sex drive is so non existent atm but I'm not having an affair and I love my husband. Could it be he's going through something ? Depression can do that also

Well I was like that for the first 2 years but I think that was tiredness and hormones from breastfeeding. Now I'm back to normal so not sure what's going on. He says he still fancies me but surely he would get an erection just normally or through the night etc? Isn't that normal for men?

Not in the morning? You must have noticed if he does or doesn't.

Yes I've seen he sometimes looks hard but he says he never has.

In a similar boat since having second DC (now 10 months but I can see how easily this could turn into two years). We've had sex a few times but usually disturbed by one of our children crying out for us or the moment being interrupted in one way or another. It's so hard.

I love my husband so much but I just have zero sex drive. He's exhausted too. It'll come back one day (I hope!).

I think it's a problem if one person wants it but the other doesn't.

What was your sex life like before you got pregnant.

So I have been with my bf just over 2 years. We don't live together. We are amazing and he treats me well. We don't really have much of a sex life maybe 1-2 times every month which was a problem for me at first but we have discussed this and he says he has a low sex drive and not really confident with his body. I am fine with this now and we always kiss and cuddle in bed. He's recently admitted to me that he wanks over porn when he's at home. I don't know how to feel about this? I feel upset cos we don't have much sex but am I overthinking things?? Do guys wank when on their own when they have a gf? I'm confused. Please help me x

My friend had this issue, I was quite surprised she told me. They are still together and seem happy 16 years on

What transpired was her DH had seen her go through a traumatic birth and did not cope with it at all, it really did kill absolutely all desire for her. Due to my serious illness and her career change we lost touch and only sent the occasional message. We are seeing each other again, I have wondered if they ever got back in the saddle but it’s not something I would ask as so personal.

@Sarahismyname
Yes.