Please help me organise my life! How do you do it?

[Namechanger355]

Hi there, am mum to a DD(3), work full time(lawyer with busy hours), am pregnant and starting a refurb. so a few things to think about and am miserably failing at being organised right now - or having a method of being organised.

I would appreciate any tips from you wise and busy mumsnetters on how you organise your life (whether you work or not - all helpful).

In particular, I have so many lists I get lost - I almost need a list of lists. Do you have one list for everything, or a list for e.g. work, kids, house stuff? Do you use paper or an app?

Im happy to update my "lists" every day but I want to be as efficient as possible.

thanks so much,

@Eileen101 To the posters that say, just unbusy yourself - how exactly? It's a nice sentiment,..

You need time to rest, think and contemplate how to do it - for you.

So start here:
Get whatever type of calendar you use, digital or paper, and cross out every Sunday with the words 'rest and think' for the remainder of the year, (doesn't have to be a Sunday if you work on a Sunday - whatever day you have off).

Then You absolutely prioritise that rest day. No work, no cooking, no household tasks, no digital SM distractions. No visits either to or by you. No phonecalls. from the minute you wake up until you go to bed - nothing.

It will feel so strange and unnatural at first, you will feel restless, bored, maybe anxious even. There will be strong internal resistance.

Choose one evening during the week to do some reading research - even if only for 10 minutes a week - into how others have done it, and what calls out to you.
Write one sentence in a notebook, or even one word - a doodle perhaps.

By January 2023 you will have some answers and know... and be ready to make life changes.

Except none of that works if you have a family. It’s advice for single people

Op I’m also a lawyer. My DC are older.

I hate to say it but in our profession you can’t actually have it all. Yes you will see some senior female lawyers who seem to have their shit together but I’d put money on the fact that something has had to give. It’s too demanding a job.

toddler, baby, house renovation and lawyer is just too much. Can you hire a project manager for your renovation or reduce your hours? Do you have a nanny?

So many of these apps and methods seem like massive headwork to me and way over complicating things.

We have a large family wall calendar, with a column for each person. Absolutely everything goes on it. DH and I check it daily and arrange the plan for the next day - who's collecting Dc3, who's taking dc2 to football etc.

I have a book. A lined, non fancy, notebook that has an ongoing list of stuff I need to remember or do. Not categorised, just a long mish mash of 'call opticians for dc1/complete consent forms for dc2/remember to book 6th September off work/buy paint for Dc1 room' etc.

I clean, tidy, cook, declutter when I have time in between work/commitments...sometines lots, sometimes none. I plan my life by the wall calendar commitments. I foodshop every Wed on my day off. I read my list in my book every couple of days and tick off a couple of things.

It's never perfect, there's always some chaos that comes with a house with 5 people in it. But it works mostly.

The thing I find works most when I'm overwhelmed is getting off my bum and doing something - it doesn't matter what, anything that needs doing. Sitting and stressing over a list and trying to work out what the priority item is doesn't often help ime!

When I was in the thick of it like you my life was helped by this

Saying no to invites, events etc that I didn’t want to do
Cleaner
Gardener
DH that actually worked as a team

Buying very little, I hate shopping so that helped
No ironing
Childrens activities took up one evening and Saturday morning, none of this every night committed
Rotated clothes out of wardrobe in to a storage chest by season
Have a Christmas and Birthday present and card cupboard bought stuff in sales and just as I went along.
Made a lot of one pot or throw in the oven meals, stuff like a layer of bacon on the bottom of a large dish then multiple veg inc cauliflower and a cheese sauce on top, bung in and leave whilst making packed lunches for next day.

@User952539 Except none of that works if you have a family. It’s advice for single people.

It works whatever your situation. You just need to prioritise it.
What is it that wouldn't work for you, if you have a family?

For me the fact that I have a child who plays football every Sunday- and trains every Saturday and I work full time. So blocking out an entire day is not remotely possible

OP you have a demanding job and a lot of children. You need to subtract, delegate and outsource.

I know of families who have a "housekeeper" come in every morning for an hour or two to clear up the kitchen, do a load of washing, clean, strip a bed etc.

You have to train your children from young to be tidy. When you've finished with a toy, put it back. Tidy your bedrooms, put dirty clothes in the wash and clean clothes back in the drawer. If something doesn't fit put it in the basket to store for the next one or the charity shop.

Split jobs with DH, for instance, school emails. There's millions of communiques from school. Send them to a family email address with has the family calendar and get DH to be in charge of adding all the kids entries.

I'm paper based as I find I remember things better when I write them down. I have a small note book. Every week I start another double page. On the left I have 2 columns: things to do, things to pay.

On the right I have a meal plan and a shopping list I add to during the week.

I do a Tesco order on a Thursday night for pick up on Friday morning that gives my weekly meal Plan etc.

It's not rocket science, but it really helps me. And I love ticking things off!

@Nishky32 Thanks for explaining.
It's interesting that you say:
'So blocking out an entire day is not remotely possible'
when actually, reading your post, lots of possibilities spring to mind with that scenario...

Really- an entire day? Simply not possible

@popandchoc - please could you let me know how chunky that planner is? I've never seen such a comprehensive one for such a low price (I love planners and stationery)!

No work, no cooking, no household tasks, no digital SM distractions. No visits either to or by you. No phonecalls. from the minute you wake up until you go to bed - nothing.

if you have a family half the problem is running around after them. How are you not going to cook if you have three kids asking for meals and snacks etc. what do you do when your youngest spills a drink on the floor? Leave it? What are you doing about laundry etc, how are the DC getting to their activities etc

saying stop your family’s life every Sunday isn’t realistic for the vast majority of people. I wish it was, I’m desperate to find a way to simplify my life

@completelyunderwhelmed They are pretty big, so not ideal for carrying round all the time but is very useful. I would say around 2cm in width.

@popandchoc - thanks!

I think the range of responses shows that no one tool or approach will work for everyone. I linked to an app I found useful earlier but you might also like to look into the ‘Getting things done’ or GTD methodology.

No disrespect to the posters Talking about prioritising/blocking time out in your calendar, but they don’t really help (or at least didn’t solve the problem for me) when you just have too many things that are high priority/ the demands of your family means that the time you block out quickly gets subsumed by something else.

The GTD system is a way of getting everything out of your head, having ‘next actions’ which help you progress the priority things (if not complete all in one go), and groups items for efficiency/to work with your headspace. Eg if you have 30 mins time to your self you can plough through some of your tasks that you’ve tagged as needing focus time, or you can work through a load of calls when you’re waiting for a child to finish an activity.

It might seem overwhelming/overkill, but as I mentioned, I’m a project manager who’s tried loads of things and this (along with the things app) was one of the few things genuinely useful/long lasting for me.

Life is very complex for many families. I can almost feel the stress and frustration from some of the replies here!

To those asking how it's possible to stop family life one day a week - I understand that it seems an insurmountable undertaking.

The idea of blocking out one day a week to rest, is not to stop family life, or even to make it calmer or simpler overall. It probably won't, at least initially - that's not the aim.
It's to allow yourself 5 or 6 months to prioritise thinking time, some mental space, to evaluate the current set up and start to research and reflect on how you can restructure your life to simplify, to embrace a more sustainable, calmer and rewarding path for you and your family. You just can't do that whilst you're busy busy busy. You will always be racing on the treadmill.

How to create such time for each person will look different depending on circumstances. But it's vital that you do if you're unhappy and stressed with your set up.

I don't want to state the obvious for those asking 'how are you going to do cooking, washing, children's activities?' - for many families (clearly not all) there are 2 adults to share the lifts; cooking can be done the day before and reheated; the number of weekly wash loads can be divided into 6 instead of 7 days. At some point small choices allowed the workload to spill over 7 days rather than 6. It needs unpicking and reining back - different choices can be adopted, subtracted.
Think - What would happen if (god forbid) you tripped over, broke a limb and couldn't drive, cook or do the wash? Do that one day a week. Prioritise your mental wellbeing, just as you would your physical wellbeing if required.

Will it make things easier now? Probably not.
Will it give you time to contemplate how to make some small and perhaps some radical changes that will benefit you and your whole family in six month's time? Probably so.

@seekingasimplelife you now say:
The idea of blocking out one day a week to rest, is not to stop family life, or even to make it calmer or simpler overall. It probably won't, at least initially - that's not the aim.

but that is exactly what you suggested in your earlier post! How does cramming everything into 6 days instead of 7 make a difference

Nice sprightly youngish grandmotherly type who lives nearby to come in once a day or three times a week (or whatever) and:

• fill and empty dw


• - do one load of washing from start to finish


• prep that evening’s meal


• do a bit of tidying and cleaning


• maybe do one child pick up or drop off


• run errands


• pick up slack in emergency

Seriously op, you are pregnant, you have too much on, and your load is not going to get lighter when the baby arrives! There is no organising your way out of this imho. You need help! Take care x

@Nishky32

I think I said very clearly in my earlier post that blocking out one day a week was a starting point because...

You need time to rest, think and contemplate how to do it - for you....So start here.

In addition to the one rest day a week:
Choose one evening during the week to do some reading research - even if only for 10 minutes a week - into how others have done it, and what calls out to you.
Write one sentence in a notebook, or even one word - a doodle perhaps.
By January 2023 you will have some answers and know... and be ready to make life changes (quoted from my earlier post).

The one day a week rest is the start of a process - not an end in itself. Though one might well find it a very helpful habit to adopt long term.

It is any years ago since I had small DC. DH is a lawyer. My job gave u till the children started scho because his was 14 hours a day for 20 years.

I do the cards and gift box
I meal plan(ned); weekly deliveries
Family calendar when the dc were at different schools
Au-pair (would have been nanny if I'd kept the big job going)
Cleaner
Gardener
Window cleaner
Oven cleaner

Property renovations
You need a good architect
You pay twice as much and it takes twice as long as you expected.
It may be cheaper to rent a smaller property and get it done in 6 months rather than a year and have a more civilised existence.

We are a two lawyer household with one child. It is bloody tough. I am pretty much at the limit of what I can deal with. An unexpected dress up day for my daughter pretty much sent me over the edge earlier this year. I have a husband who does his 50%, a cleaner and a nanny and I am still running to keep up. I enjoy my job but I am looking at how to change to something that I hope will give me a little more control over my time.

@Nishky32 How does cramming everything into 6 days instead of 7 make a difference.

Think of it this way - if I suggested you went off for a 3 week contemplative retreat to de stress, reassess your aims and goals in life, research how others have achieved a calmer, simpler existence; reflect on how you really want to restructure your time to live a 'better' life (whatever that means for you); most people would find that virtually impossible to do within their hectic lives.

But there are 23 Sundays left until January 1st.

I am suggesting that those posters asking how to 'unbusy their lives' use their Sundays as a once-weekly retreat, as far as possible, within their own homes, for the same purpose.
The retreat is not an end in itself - it's just the start to find your own inner vision of how you would like your life to be, and formulate your own road map of how to get there.

My tip that is probably no help but somehow sets me up for life is have your clothes for the next day laid out the night before. For some reason you wake up feeling like you're winning!!!

@seekingasimplelife are you trying to sell a book? All this ‘research how others have done it’ makes me think you are going to pop up with an Amazon link any minute now….