Birthday Cake : is it a present or not?

[Byronalso]

Let’s say someone bigged up your birthday present for weeks. Went on and on about how good it’s going to be. Made little clues for you.

Then on your birthday they give you a birthday cake. One of those handmade birthday cakes you see people selling on Facebook. And don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice cake. But it’s a WHOLE cake, just for you, and you don’t even really like cake all that much.

Cake isn’t a present is it?

It is. You might not like it, but it is still something they have either bought or made and gave to you.

It is a present.

Something they have put thought, effort and money into is a present.

From one of my kids i would adore it. From my fiancé not so much. If i'm being honest.

Cake from a parent to their child or from spouse to spouse - that's not really a present.

Cake when they are a friend instead of a present - yeah, that's a present. They clearly got excited about it and thought you would love it - and either they've spent a lot of time and not insignificant money on making it, or they've paid a lot to buy it.

It's sad that it's not a good match of gift and recipient, but it's definitely a gift.

I get a special birthday cake each year from DH and I definitely see it as one of my ‘presents’ as it’s a fair bit of expense and effort because it comes from a specific bakery. But then we always have people over for tea and cake to enjoy it. I love it and would be very sad if I didn’t get it each year!

but that’s alongside other things and it’s been established that it’s a thing we do.

I agree it’s a slightly odd gift to just receive by itself.

Can you take some out to friends? Or invite some people over?

Depends who it is. If my XP had bought me a cake I’d think that was kind but really par for the course as part of the birthday celebrations and would expect a prezzy too. For him I’d have made a cake AND bought him some gifts.

For a friend or niece/nephew I would usually make a cake as their gift, saving parents £50+ on having one made, and meaning I get to spend several days (and probably £50 on ingredients!) instead of buying them a £25 Amazon voucher.

(Although I definitely wouldn’t be happy if the incident you describe is from an OH and the fucker and the kids will scoff all of it because you aren’t keen! That definitely isn’t a present!!!)

And YABU to not like cake.

Yes from a new partner.

Its massive. He doesn’t eat cake (well he adores cake but he’s on a diet). I don’t really eat cake. I’ve frozen half of it and taken the other half to work.

Agree there is nuance if it was a mate

I usually make my friends a birthday cake rather than a gift that I'm not really sure that they will like! One friend cried the first time, her parents and husband were a bit rubbish and she said it was the first time someone had ever made her a birthday cake.

I'd be disappointed, I'm not a massive cake fan

It is.

And a lot of people really love cake so not especially unreasonable

It’s fucking odd

if you’d heard the way he was going on about this present for weeks. It’s a bloody cake 🤣🤦‍♀️

YANBU. A cake is cake, it's not a present!

Does he know you're not big on cake? My guess would be that because he adores cake he's assumed that you feel the same way. He has been going on about it because he's been on a diet and been desperate to eat cake himself, so he thinks it's a huge deal that you're getting one.

I'd think it's a present if you got it from someone you're not expecting a gift from, e.g. colleagues. But if it's the kind of person you'd normally do gifts with, it's not a present unless you're someone who is super into cake and it's some kind of a special thing. Like if you cooked your partner a birthday meal, is that a present? Only if they're a big foodie and you got very special stuff in, otherwise it's just a birthday dinner.

I don't think its a typical present, no. Doesn't mean it isn't a nice gesture though, or that it didn't cost a lot of money so in that respect not really much different to having received anything else. I do get what you mean OP but wouldn't be that bothered. He bought you something he obviously thought you'd like, didn't forget etc. If it's a fairly new relationship you would hope there is plenty more time to get these things right as you get to know one another better.

For me the strangest part is that he opted for a large cake but presumably has no intentions of sharing it together, which would have at least made more sense.

What were the 'clues'? - I'm genuinely intrigued as to what it was made out to be!

I would be disappointed too. You said it was from a new partner, could it be that he felt uncomfortable buying anything too personal? And cake seemed a safe option.