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Original poster

DD hates having her hair washed!

23 replies

Megatron9000 · 26/07/2022 15:08

She is almost 3 years old, and has always detested baths/Face washing, body washing has improved over time, but hair washing is a nightmare! As a result I can only do baths once a week (thank god for strip washing and self sufficiency!) Standing up, chin up, close your eyes, check the water it all ends, with it sounding like I'm removing limbs! Laying down seemed like it would be less traumatic, but she flips over effectively almost drowning herself. I've tried being passive, being firm, bribing her, I don't want her to be traumatised by hair washing. Help!

OP posts:

RedWingBoots · 26/07/2022 15:12

I get mine to wash her own face.

Hair washing I just deal with her screaming.

Readytoplay · 26/07/2022 15:13

It’s possibly a sensory thing. That does not mean that your child is ND or SEN (as I am sure many mumnetters will suggest , I am sure). Do you have a shower head or sink maybe she would find that more relaxing?

whyyyynow · 26/07/2022 15:14

I think it's normal op

My friends daughter wouldn't let her wash her hair from the age of 2 - 4. She would only wash her hair once a month as it was so stressful& eventually one day she just accepted it.

My DS also went through similar where he would hate baths and wouldn't sit down when he was 2 and abit but luckily it only lasted a few months.

I think time will solve it all

Good luck x

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 26/07/2022 15:17

I used to do ds's with a jug in the bath, the shower had the potential to spray into his face.

Marblessolveeverything · 26/07/2022 15:21

I absolutely hate having water falling/pouring near my face - nearly 50 now so not sure when i will grow out of it 😂I have no problem washing my face/hair it is the sensation of the water flowing that is my issue.

I keep my face away from the shower spray, head up high, dry face cloth ready to grab to wipe face - my youngest is 8 now he was not great at around 3/4 years of age so I got a visor used the shower kept the pouring /spray to a minimum used the shampoo bar tends to produce less sudds and got him to give a count down.

Jolinar · 26/07/2022 15:49

Sounds fairly normal. DS is 6 and only just getting ok with having his hair washed - swimming lessons helped.

Discovereads · 26/07/2022 15:53

My ASD DD was the same. So sat in bath, dry washcloth on the forehead/face to protect against stray drops, plus my hand at hair line and then used a jug of water to wet. Then added shampoo. Then quick rinse. Did this last as then DD could wear a dry towel on her shoulders as her hair dried. Kept her hair chin length too.

More issues transitioning from Bath to shower, but you’ve got years before that!

ObviouslyNotNow · 26/07/2022 15:53

Have you tried a very shallow bath, so shallow that when she lies down it doesn’t cover her ears? So there’s no way her face can go under water. Then use a sponge to dampen / rinse the hair - it just pours back into the bath, again no chance of it going on her face if you’re careful and start off using it damp rather than soaking wet, until you’re sure she will cooperate.

alnawire · 26/07/2022 15:55

Mine sat down in n the bath with a folded towel over her face when she was that age. She is autistic and bath/hair washing was a nightmare until she turned 12 and started to shower herself (she also had her hair cut shorter) -

Sundayscented · 26/07/2022 16:45

My daughter was the same. Then about 9-10 something changed, no idea what. Started swimming for the school and is now a submariner 😂

BertieBotts · 26/07/2022 16:47

DS1 was like this, absolutely terrified. None of the magic jugs, magic hats etc worked. He didn't believe me about looking up, or the fear that water would get in his eyes would override and he would look down so it all went in his eyes and just scream. I mainly washed his hair very infrequently, you could not actually tell.

Could you big up the idea of short hair? That would make it easier to wash and not so much rinsing. We used to wash his hair with a flannel. I know my parents used to try and get me to scream less when hair brushing by threatening that I would need to have my hair cut short if I didn't let them brush it (!) which made me think having short hair would be awful, but actually when I did get a bob aged 12 I absolutely loved it, have only gone shorter since then and have never gone back to long hair, except when I leave it too long between cuts accidentally. If I'd known that it was something I would like then I probably would have gone for it much earlier and saved all the screaming and hassle!

What we did for DS1 in the end (he was 5) was explained we would do it in stages. I got him to agree that I could pour water from a jug onto his back for stage 1, not touching his hair. He was nervous but quickly got used to that. Then stage 2 was pouring water on the back of his head. I slowly brought it further and further forward in stages until we were finally rinsing his whole hair. It took a while because I waited until he was absolutely comfortable with a stage before moving on, but it did work and kept him calmer. Big reward at the end to motivate him to keep going with it. Then about a year or so later he started washing his own hair which helped a lot.

BertieBotts · 26/07/2022 16:50

We tried swimming goggles in the bath and everything

Forgot to mention when we got to the final stage we gave him a "safety towel" (dry flannel) to protect his face.

Natsku · 26/07/2022 17:13

Does her hair go greasy if you don't wash it? My 4 year old hates having his hair washed so I just don't wash it (except once in a blue moon when it gets something messy in it that won't come off with water alone) and his hair is perfect, not greasy at all. I figure he'll eventually get more comfortable with water on his head, when he goes swimming more for instance, so no need to go through that stress right now.

Original poster

Megatron9000 · 26/07/2022 20:22

Her hair is very fine and only just getting to her chin all the way round, so quite short. But I was the child who got the pixie cut because I wouldn't let my mum brush my hair!
I have been tempted by goggles, but the stages thing might do the trick! Will try during her next bath.

OP posts:

Original poster

Megatron9000 · 26/07/2022 20:31

Also she is really good with getting her hair wet at swimming, but showers breed even more contempt than baths! I think it might be water going in her eyes and ears, that she really doesn't like! I will give these ideas a go, thank you everyone for your insight! xxxx

P.s. I was just putting new bottles of shampoo away whilst she was getting ready for bed and she pointed at them saying "That mine Mummy?" I said yes I could use it next time we wash her hair, so fingers crossed for that too!
(I'm using up a bottle of baby hair and body wash on her, don't judge me I'm cheap!)

OP posts:

givememarmite · 26/07/2022 20:42

Mine is exactly the same, she screams so much and clambers out of the bath which is a nightmare as she's obviously not big enough to do that safely, I'm trying to stop her while also holding the shower head and she's slipping all over the place.
We're going on holiday in two days and I'm absolutely dreading having to bath/shower her every night after swimming...tried a visor, goggles, flannel over her face etc she just screams the place down. So no advice sorry just lots of sympathy!

ElegantPuma · 26/07/2022 20:49

My DD was exactly the same. DH worked out, in a moment of pure genius, that the IKEA child's table she sat at to draw was exactly the same height as the bath. We used to put the table next to the bath, pad it with a big towel and get her to lie on it. Voila! She had a back wash, like at the hairdresser, and the problem was solved!

(DH is now XH; he has lots of faults, but credit where credit is due 😅)

User0ne · 26/07/2022 21:08

Ds2 is like this. I find a flannel to protect his eyes, insisting he "looks ar the ceiling" (to reduce the amount that goes on the flannel) and giving him a count down works reasonably well.

I do the wash in stages and let him know that it will be done by the time I get to 10. So wetting his hair is stage 1, 10second countdown of water over hair. Make sure his face is dry and remove flannel.
Stage 2, shampoo, he's fine with this.
Stage 3 rinsing off, flannel again and countdown.
I think him knowing how long it will last helps him to cooperate.

HarrietSchulenberg · 26/07/2022 21:10

I used to hate the feeling of water pouring down my face. My mum gave me a "special hairwashing flannel" to hold over my face, and it did the trick.

BertieBotts · 26/07/2022 21:27

See I think chin length is still quite long in terms of rinsing etc - by short I mean an actual pixie cut so that you can get to the scalp to wash it with a flannel and not have water poured over at all. I know it's trickier for girls though because society is so bound up in the idea of long hair being girly.

Discovereads · 26/07/2022 21:31

BertieBotts · 26/07/2022 21:27

True, although my ASD DD has always been, shall we say strong willed about her hair and her identity as a girl (once she agreed she wasn’t a human puppy cross breed).

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 26/07/2022 21:32

Mine really hated too when he was small. We used hair washing hat. It did help.

dottypencilcase · 26/07/2022 21:35

Mine (sensory issues) was like this until we started swimming lessons and that really helped take the edge off hair washing. Have you tried the foam caps from Amazon? There are still times when DC whips themselves into a frenzy and I explain what I'm going to do and then do it through the tears. We also have issues with hair and teeth brushing, nail clipping, etc.

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