How can I move on? I'm scared I'll never find anyone like him

[tinkerblue0]

My 18f bf 27m and I recently broke up after 2 years together and I'm really struggling to cope without him.. We broke up because I was insecure and paranoid and I felt like he was controlling when really I think he was just trying to help me. This is going to sound awful but I feel like it's especially hard to move on because he was actually so good to me for most of our relationship so I can't even hate him you know? Which is how I usually deal with situations.. I'm in therapy but it's not helping much, I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder only last year and am still struggling to find the right meds for me. I'm sh a lot and I just cry all the time. I've lost my job, thankfully I have savings from money that was left to me by my parents so I'm doing okay with bills and stuff but I've never felt so low emotionally. Im scared I'm never going to find anyone that understood me the way he did and I hate myself for ruining everything. I have no motivation to do anything I have no friends in this city and I just feel so alone i know I need to get a grip and there's people struggling so much more than me but I just needed to vent today

When you met you were 16 and him 25? That's far from healthy, he can't be that good for you if you're leaving.
Don't feel obliged to stay, you're young, get out and enjoy life.

Yes we met on my 16th birthday actually at a book store! Didn't get together till about 2 months after though.
And He actually left me because I was causing him a lot of stress which I was though I honestly am trying to get better. I understand why he had to leave but it still hurts so much

If you felt controlled by him, please, please trust your gut instincts. I cannot stress that enough and I wish someone had told me that when I was younger. He is also a lot older than you: 9 years difference at this stage of your life is considerable.

I absolutely PROMISE that you will come out of this the other side. I understand how you are maybe feeling: perhaps you feel that you don’t know how you can put one foot in front of the other, that you’re at sea, because you don’t know how to live life without him. It sounds like you’ve already been through a huge amount in 18 years and you are dealing with a considerable mental health diagnosis.

The best advice someone gave me once, is this, ‘Treat yourself like the love of your life. Look after yourself, take care of yourself by eating nourishing foods, gentle exercising and actively promoting good quality sleep and finding just one thing that makes you genuinely calm and at peace. Treat yourself with the utmost respect and consciously heal.’

Think of what you need to focus on right now, and what you would like to do. What would you like to do regarding a new job or perhaps training and qualifications? This is a new healthy beginning and it’s yours for the taking.

You need to concentrate on yourself right now, you are not in the right place for a relationship. Concentrate on learning about and understanding your diagnosis and getting as much help and support for it as you can. You need to be concentrating on working out the right meds and getting yourself in a really good place before you start worrying about relationships. You couldn't be sure if he was good for you or controlling you - that puts you in a very vulnerable position.

Perhaps try having a set time each day when you allow yourself to cry and grieve for the relationship, another chunk of time where you really think about what you want going forward for yourself (studying, working, volunteering, socialising) and then another chunk of time doing something about it. Splitting your time into chunks like this can be a lot less overwhelming and start you slowly moving forward.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to learn to be happy with yourself and on your own before you can have an equal and fulfilling relationship with another person. You need to become your own woman who is in control of her life, and learn about boundaries and how to spot men who are bad for you.

Women Who Love Too Much is a useful book which has stood t by e test of time.