Just a pondering and no real solution.
I grew up in a family where image was and is everything. But the reality was never discussed. It wasn't an amazing upbringing -for many reasons.
However I believed that you met someone formed a connection and then had a family. It didn't work out like that for me. I got married but he was awful and abusive -and I escaped with nothing but he wouldn't give me a divorce. A hard year of court followed. I've had various relationship all followed a pattern, love bombing, affection and then abuse. My mother said that's is how is should be -you work and make it last and make compromises that I was too black and white. You stay but I couldn't.
After much counselling I understand my parents are abusive and in turn in their own abusive relationship. I never connected to them as a child.
I have exes but they followed the pattern of being similar to my father. So there is limited co-parenting and interaction.
My parents sought to cut friends off and told me I wasn't worth them.
My children are fab -and confident and have friends. Although both struggle socially more due to their SEN.
I fear rejection -so it's hard to reach out to new people. Both my parents and my ex used to say 'your friends aren't real friends. They only want you for childcare, or lifts etc' or 'when they know you they will leave you'.
After a year of counselling, I'm in a good place. So I reached out to some people that are good friends
- Old school friend, single parent like me, seems very confident and together but has cried a number of times, when she opened up about how tough she is finding it etc and said she didn't feel that connected locally or with much support except family
- Old uni friend, has a strong marriage but lives in the middle of nowhere with elder teen boys -she says she has no real friends except her husband and would love more -but struggles to connect.
I have two children and a full time career. The children have lots of activities but I do not feel connected to the other mums -I feel like I don't fit in. It's possible I'm on the spectrum -the GP has discussed it. but I'm not diagnosed.
So those of you with real connections -how did you make them? what activities do you do? out of work?
I have a teenager aged child and a primary aged child -I can leave them but not too much.