I love my kids dearly but I have no patience with them right now. I feel so bad but I'm so burnt out, I end up shouting too much, which again I feel bad for.
DS is 11 and autistic, Dd is 7 has some degree of sen but no official diagnoses. Botu are very challenging in different ways. Ds is so defiant, wants to do the opposite of us all the time. Dd is just a whirlwind. Both are in to different things. All they do is argue. It's petty things like if I'm out on my own with them, who sits in the front and they start screaming. It's who goes first on things, he gets given their food first etc. They are literally competing with each other. DS is the most demanding child you could meet. Dd is a lot better behaved generally but is non stop herself.
there is no let up. They don't chill for 5 minutes. I wish they'd use their iPads more so I can have some down time. I can't go up for a wee without one following me up.
we can't go out for a simple walk without it ending in tears.
I have a dp, he js a fab dad but he also works long hours. When he is home he is a hands on dad which does take the pressure off but it's still stress from it all. All the chores come down to me. I'm not working currently, I wouldn't have any childcare in the holidays so I'm pretty screwed.
we are very routine, so it's not from lack of routine. I'm not too strict but not too relaxed either. I set firm rules.
ds lacks a lot of independence. He's 11 and can't even make a drink or get a snack bite constant demands.
we don't see family often, nor do they help much.
I don't have many close friends.
I am constantly losing my shit.
I have had such a bad few months. My MH is at a all time low, I've had such much on my plate regarding transitioning my son into secondary, meetings etc, sorting transport, looking after my own health amongst lots of other things.
I am burnt out. I have no energy. The kids are up early and need stimulation as soon as they get up.
we had a support worker who's just left us in the lurch and hasn't turned up in weeks.
what the hell am I gonna do to get through the next 6 bloody weeks?!
there isn't much around here in the terms of activity days etc nor can we afford much.
they are stressful at home, they are even more stressful whilst out. Nothing sustains my eldests interests for more than 10 minutes.
I'm not enjoying parenting. I barely have time to eat or pee or do anything for myself. I've lost weight, I have no energy.
on paper, my kids look like they are well looked after, which they are, they are fed, clean, have nice clean clothes, they have toys (which they don't bloody play with) but I'm losing my shit slowly.
ds used to go to his dads for a couple hours every week but hasn't seen him in weeks!!
I need a break!
we don't even get evening time as they take a long time to go to sleep. My eldest is now taking melatonin which helps hugely but Dd is still a nightmare to go sleep!!