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I can't cope with my kids, I have no patience.

6 replies

User737382747374 · 25/07/2022 14:51

I love my kids dearly but I have no patience with them right now. I feel so bad but I'm so burnt out, I end up shouting too much, which again I feel bad for.

DS is 11 and autistic, Dd is 7 has some degree of sen but no official diagnoses. Botu are very challenging in different ways. Ds is so defiant, wants to do the opposite of us all the time. Dd is just a whirlwind. Both are in to different things. All they do is argue. It's petty things like if I'm out on my own with them, who sits in the front and they start screaming. It's who goes first on things, he gets given their food first etc. They are literally competing with each other. DS is the most demanding child you could meet. Dd is a lot better behaved generally but is non stop herself.

there is no let up. They don't chill for 5 minutes. I wish they'd use their iPads more so I can have some down time. I can't go up for a wee without one following me up.

we can't go out for a simple walk without it ending in tears.

I have a dp, he js a fab dad but he also works long hours. When he is home he is a hands on dad which does take the pressure off but it's still stress from it all. All the chores come down to me. I'm not working currently, I wouldn't have any childcare in the holidays so I'm pretty screwed.

we are very routine, so it's not from lack of routine. I'm not too strict but not too relaxed either. I set firm rules.

ds lacks a lot of independence. He's 11 and can't even make a drink or get a snack bite constant demands.

we don't see family often, nor do they help much.

I don't have many close friends.

I am constantly losing my shit.

I have had such a bad few months. My MH is at a all time low, I've had such much on my plate regarding transitioning my son into secondary, meetings etc, sorting transport, looking after my own health amongst lots of other things.

I am burnt out. I have no energy. The kids are up early and need stimulation as soon as they get up.

we had a support worker who's just left us in the lurch and hasn't turned up in weeks.

what the hell am I gonna do to get through the next 6 bloody weeks?!

there isn't much around here in the terms of activity days etc nor can we afford much.

they are stressful at home, they are even more stressful whilst out. Nothing sustains my eldests interests for more than 10 minutes.

I'm not enjoying parenting. I barely have time to eat or pee or do anything for myself. I've lost weight, I have no energy.

on paper, my kids look like they are well looked after, which they are, they are fed, clean, have nice clean clothes, they have toys (which they don't bloody play with) but I'm losing my shit slowly.

ds used to go to his dads for a couple hours every week but hasn't seen him in weeks!!

I need a break!

we don't even get evening time as they take a long time to go to sleep. My eldest is now taking melatonin which helps hugely but Dd is still a nightmare to go sleep!!

OP posts:
Blofield · 25/07/2022 15:01

All kids fight
all kids piss you off
all kids want something the other either has. Or they want so met completely different
all kids - she’s breathing too loudly, his legs touching mine

does it matter if you haven’t dusted/hoovered every day

do one or 2 loads a washing a day

manage expectations - then lower them

if love the park but argue on the way there - remember that once there they love it

know how long the activity will last - how long until they get fed up if an hour, have 45 mins in park - then home

if you feel YOU HAVE to have the house tidy for when your DP comes home from work then tell him it’s not always going to be tidy. Managing the expectations against reality

bedtime routine - toilet and brush teeth half hour before bedtime, then in bedroom for reading, playing quietly, toilet and bed at x time. Not late so you and don’t never get time together. stick to the routine.

User737382747374 · 25/07/2022 15:07

We are very routine in the evening, we couldn't be anymore routine.

dp doesn't care if the house is clean or not but I can't relax in messy home myself. Mess triggers me 😓

OP posts:
Ilovechoc12 · 25/07/2022 15:18

Do they like minecraft / Roblox? That’s my saving grace….

trampoline park, cinema, feeding the ducks?

Can you put either one into holiday club? Even if it’s the random day one less child will be easier so they can’t argue with each other.

or even a play date? To change the dynamics ?

what about giving your children water bottles for drinks during the day - so they can just drink when they want rather than asking for drinks all the time and a snack box daily for each child - so they can help themselves

Or can you get them to make dinner? Go shopping for Fish pie / shepards pie / pizza / dessert? Let them be the chefs for dinner …. Kill a couple of hrs in the day.

Yes children are very hard especially with Sen - I’ve got one with Sen it’s exhausting - we will get through it 💐🍷

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Stinkymalinkyfromdownthelane · 25/07/2022 15:32

I fucking hear you. 😭💩👎 Sorry I can't offer any advice as there's not much that's working for me either. BUT you're not alone in this. Love 👊

Heatstrokeunsteady · 25/07/2022 16:53

I remember those days all too well. At some point I stopped arguing put my game face on and made the decision that being calm and supportive would at least stop me feeling crazy and hating myself. It worked. I was definitely acting a lot of the time to begin with, faking patience but gradually it became second nature. You can put music on while there are there, do exercise, teach them to meditate- lots of things that will calm you all down.

Glitterbomb123 · 19/06/2024 11:03

How's things going 2 years on from this? Did anything help?

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