Wheelchair vs pushchair on train

[AllOnMyOwnSometimes]

I know this has done to death, but a slightly different take here. I am currently on a train with DS, me in a wheelchair in the wheelchair space, him opposite in companion seat. In the other wheelchair space (only two in train in standard class) is a lady with 2 DC, plus a large double pushchair. Train manager has told her that the space is needed soon as another wheelchair is getting on and that she’ll need to fold the pushchair up. There’s honestly nowhere for it to go.

As a people pleaser I told her I would be getting off around 40 mins after the next person has got on. This lady has now told the train manager that she doesn’t need to fold the pushchair up as I’ll be getting off shortly after. My issue is that I’ll not be able to manoeuvre my chair off the train if there is another wheelchair and a double pushchair (one DC is a tiny baby).

i could be wrong but I think the expectation is for me to move out of my space for the last 40 mins and in to the passageway. I’m tired and sore from travelling so not sure I trust myself to be rational- would I be expected to move? Should I offer to move anyway? Is it my problem anyway or should I just plug my earphones in and ignore everyone?!

Not your problem she's misunderstood what you meant. Stay where you're safe and can manoeuvre easily.

You take priority every time. Lady with pushchair will just have to ask train manager for help so she is not blocking you.

Stay where you are.

You know full well when you have a pushchair in a disabled bay that if anyone disabled comes on they're the priority for that space.

She needs to fold the buggy and put it in luggage storage, what if another wheelchair user wants to get on at the same stop you get off at?

Thanks all. My anxiety has ramped up and I’m totally on edge until we hit the next stop. I don’t want to be a pain in the ass and want to help as much as I can, but im worries I’ll not be able to get myself to toilet or off the train if I move earlier. I feel like a selfish bitch

I have a child who is autistic and needs a pram at 3.5 years old but 100% I would move for you. She is in the wrong.

There is plenty of storage space on the train. Just not right next to her. The train manager can help her with finding somewhere to put it. She needs to fold the buggy up.

The lady misunderstood you, because tbf to her, you weren’t very clear. The pushchair will have to wait in the passageway, and if it gets in the way of you getting off the train, she can always get off the train and then get back on again to make space.

My fear is that the pushchair will just be stowed next to my wheelchair space as there is a spare seat next to DS (train is packed) meaning I’ll be unable to move. And when I need to go to go loo I need to get there quickly.
I have no issue with them sitting next to us (I imagine tiny DC will stay in car seat) and maybe other DC on knee, but how do I say I need to be able to get out? I’m newly disabled and to be honest travelling is still a minefield which isn’t helping my anxiety

Let the TM deal with her. You don't move until it's time for you to get off and if she is blocking the way she will have to get off then get back on once you have safely got off the train.

She did ask which stop I meant and I clarified it was about 40 mins after the other wheelchair user was getting on. I agree that it wasn’t clear that I wasn’t offering to move though.

Not your problem - disabled spaces are protected by law.

Let the train manager deal with it, it's literally their job.

is your son old enough to talk to the guard on your behalf to explain the problem, how it’s causing you anxiety and that you need to be able to move if necessary.

There are luggage storage areas on trains. The buggy will need to go there. I always fold my buggy on the train and go and sit in a normal seat. It’s what people do.

Not sure if I am misunderstanding surely you just say ‘excuse me’ and she stands up? Just like anyone does to get off/ go to toilet/shop.

I can’t get my wheelchair past the pushchair, it’s not just a case of her standing up to move.

other wheelchair is now on and between that and the pushchair in the passage there’s definitely no way I’d manage to get to the toilet. I’m off in half an hour so fingers crossed.

Thabks for the support though, I did manage to assert myself to ask a new passenger to move their suitcase theyd positioned directly behind me, saying I wouldn’t be able to move with it there. Baby steps

@AllOnMyOwnSometimes best of luck with it all. Sadly; the only way I've found to manage to use trains (as a wheelchair user) is how to figure out how to be far more assertive than comes naturally. People won't get it sadly. You will need to gently spell out that their bag/ whatever is blocking you. Sometimes gently pointing out that you are highly limited in which part of the train you can use can also work wonders.

Also remember that it's ok to not want anyone to touch you or your chair without your express permission

@bluelavender people trying to push my chair drives me insane! It’s a powerchair and when in power mode all the pushing in the world isn’t going to move it.

There must be a better way to manage public transport access. Effectively pitting two groups of people, who need extra help/have more difficulties than most, against each other when it comes to public transport is so bloody ridiculous, it’s infuriating. Obviously wheelchair users need the space and easy access, no question, and I know that on these threads lots of PPs pop up to say ‘but she chose to have children’ or something similar but the fact is the other passenger is on her own with two children, one a tiny baby in a pram and that’s not going to be easy to manage. I’ve been on buses in Asia where huge areas of the downstairs space has flip up seats. If more than one or two people with a wheelchair or pushchair board then the able bodied passengers occupying the flip seats are required to stand and the wheelchairs and pushchairs use the space where the seats are flipped up - the only people ‘inconvenienced’ are therefore those most able to deal with it. Surely this would be a solution for both trains and buses in the UK?

I think you've slightly muddled the situation by saying anything at all. Next time, in your position I wouldn't say anything.

Lady with pushchair will need to fold up the pushchair and store it somewhere it's not in the way. I always carried reins in this situation so I could attach my mobile toddler to the seat and they couldn't run off if I needed both hands to do something like fold or carry a pushchair. She can then unfold it when you leave the train.

I agree I probably made a rod for my own back by saying anything I was trying to reassure her as I know it is stressful travelling with small children.

I also agree there has to be a better way. It was an absolute farce trying to get off - I couldn't get straight in front of the door to the passage due to other wheelchair and all the luggage stored there, so I had to wait at that point for my DS and someone else to move the cases. Then lady with pushchair had unfortunately positioned herself right in front of the cupboard where the ramp is stored (there was literally no where else for her to go as she clearly didn;t want to (or maybe couldn't) fold pushchair down) so we had to wait again for her to leave the train, get the ramp out so I can disembark then she gets on again. Hopefully she'll have a smooth journey to her final destination as no further seat reservations were showing.

All in all, a very stressful end to a long journey, and not one I will be in a hurry to repeat

You sound lovely, but definitely don't go out of your way to be helpful next time at your own expense! I travelled a lot on trains with a pushchair and small, mobile child, but was always ready to fold it (though maybe not super quickly) to get out the way for a wheelchair.

You have priority OP. Don't let this take up any more headspace. Sorry that you met a pillock!