How did you know you were one and done?

[Reesewithafork]

I’m heading towards 40 and have DS aged 2.5.
I always wanted two and wanted a two year age gap initially but obviously that ship has sailed.
the thing is I’m not sure I actually do want two now, but also don’t want to regret it.
DS was very much wanted but we had a complicated journey to have him with late losses and miscarriages etc, so when we tried again for a baby I was never all yay let’s have a baby, more a cautious let’s see what happens.

I can’t work out if I’m the same now or genuinely don’t want a second.

DS has started nursery, I’ve started to get life back a little (albeit clouded by the endless run of nursery bugs), and I don’t feel broody at all when I see babies or pregnant women. I’ve never ever enjoyed being pregnant at all so the idea of going through it all again in unappealing, but I’d feel that way even if I desperately wanted a second.

I feel at a major crossroads as I don’t want to be having babies later than 40 really and am 38 at the moment. With no guarantee of it being quick or straight forward I really need to get cracking if I do want a sibling for DS .. but I find I’m really dragging my heels in committing to a decision either way.

how did you know you were happy with one? Did you regret it at all?

Mine was trauma related. My hospital stay and care so so bad I’m still suffering the consequences of that 18 years later. Not a chance I would ever put myself through that again.
But. Even then the urge that I had to have another one never came back.

And when the hospital said I could have another and they would ‘fix’ any problems after, I decided not even a chance in hell. They put me like this no way would they ‘fix’ me after.

After 9 months of continual sickness followed by 6 months of very limited sleep (DD slept in 1 hour bursts day and night), I knew that was it for me. No regrets whatsoever.

Watching with interest as I am in a similar situation and am still on the fence, weighing up the pros and cons.

DD didn't sleep through until age 4, no family available to help and an emotionally abusive partner. I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and we're incredibly close but you couldn't pay me to have another child. Plus I'm nearly 43 so thankfully unlikely to conceive.

I just never got the urge to have another one, so I didn't.

I'm firmly team one and done as it works best for me and my family. One husband, one child and one dog is enough for me 😂

I wouldn't want to be pregnant again and I certainly wouldn't want to go back to the zombie state I was in for the first few weeks with no sleep at all.

I love that we are all very close and I always have enough hands. My daughter has plenty of friends and extended family to play with so I don't feel she's missing out. I am in awe of my friends who manage well with a baby and a toddler at the same time as it's genuinely not something I feel I could manage

Finances were a really significant factor in our decision - simply put, we can afford one child and to give her the opportunities we'd like to, but definitely couldn't afford to do that twice.

I have two. But I often wish I'd stuck with one. I think I knew it was the perfect balance for our family but I suppose I wanted the 'typical' family.

Actually I was happier with one child and able to give a lot more of myself to them. We were very close and for the 6 years I only had one we did loads and the child had a better time than I think they do now, as less time / money / positive energy.

Same here! I always expected I would have at least two, but just haven’t had any urge to have another. Our family feels right as a three.

We were pretty ambivalent about a second so decided it was probably not a good idea. We felt that barring an accident you shouldn’t have a baby unless you really want it and we couldn’t honestly say we did.

ds is now 9 and me 45 and no regrets.

A little bit of the journey to get DS (similar to OP, long winded, late losses, lots of tests) but mainly and quite sadly our biggest reason is financial.

At the moment we are left with less than £100 a month once all bills etc are paid. We have decimated our savings over the past couple of years due to house and car issues. Funding kicks in next month for DS which will give us more money. BUT we want to rebuild our saving, we want to take DS to the states and Australia to see family he hasn't met yet due to covid and money.
We're only 31, so maybe in a few years our minds will change. But to be honest, with a lot of my cousins all starting family's now and being surrounded by babies and toddlers is enough for me, I still get twinges of "it'd be nice" but at the moment, one is enough.

I knew I was happy with one when I had a pregnancy scare when DD was a couple of years old. I felt absolutely devastated and the relief when I found out I wasn't pregnant showed me how happy I was with one. She's now a teen and I'm so glad we stuck at one. Looking at friends with 2 or more I can see that I would have hated it.

For 5 1/2 years I was firmly one and done and actually only ever had sympathy for anyone who announced being pregnant! I am 38, my daughter is 7 and I am 6 months pregnant. Not a mistake either lol but still have moments of what the heck were we thinking but our daughter is so excited to have a wee brother it has made it worth if for me. I don't like being pregnant and don't like the baby stage 🙄👶🍼. I would say if you were set on not having an only child give yourselves a year of trying if it doesn't happen, enjoy being one and done!

I've been pregnant four times (one live birth) and was hospitalised each time with HG. Not a chance I'm doing that again.

I'm 35 and my child is 2.5. I am 99.99% certain that I don't want another, just building up the courage to get sterilised.

I thought I always wanted 2 but now I know that I was completely naive about what I was getting into.

After a miserable pregnancy, and a traumatic first two weeks with a coliccy and reflux baby, I told myself that I didn't have to have another one, to help myself cope with how awful it was. I fully expected to change my mind... And I just didn't. As they grew bigger I just knew more and more that one is all I have practical, emotional and financial capacity for. I have zero desire for a second and came to terms with that a long time ago. I actually cannot fathom how on earth people want to have more than one!

Tbh if you are on the fence, don't do it. Children should be absolutely and strongly wanted, or you are setting all of you up for a disaster.

ive just never felt the way I did when I wanted to have DD

having another would only be because DD wanted it

Really interesting responses thank you for sharing.

It's odd because I can't seem to bring myself to make the final decision either way, but I don't feel excited about the prospect of a second, whereas DH does (He's completely on board with just having an only as well though so no pressure there thankfully)

I have two so am not who you are asking but when I was pregnant with DD2 I was dreading going back and starting all over again with sleepless nights, juggling a preschooler and a baby etc. That said, when I looked into my future I wanted DD1 to have a sibling and for us to be a family of 4. So although I didn't exactly relish the baby stage, I saw it as a means to an end.....all being well you have adult DC for far longer than they are tiny.

There's no right or wrong, if you look ahead and think you'd be content with one DC then certainly don't have another one. I suppose when I looked ahead if I'd only had one I'd have felt there was somebody missing, and that is how I knew. However my DSis knew she was one and done (but hers were trauma/PND related..... she says herself things may have felt differently if she'd had a different experience.)

I was desperate for a baby before having DD who is now almost 7. That broodiness never returned after she was born. Our family feels right as a 3 (plus cat!). There are also lots of other reasons why it’s best for us to stick at one (money, space, my physical health, the fact that, having a sibling with disabilities, I know I couldn’t cope with a severely disabled child). However the bottom line is we just never felt the urge to have another, and I feel strongly that ‘because it’s the norm’ is not a reason in itself to create a whole new person.

Lots of reasons: journey to having DD was quite traumatic with miscarriages etc and did not want to put myself through all that again, age (I was 40 when I had her), she didn’t sleep through the night until she was 6 (last year) and we were shattered, money - we wanted to buy a house and wouldn’t have been able to do that with two lots of nursery fees. Now we have the house and DD has a lovely life with lots of hobbies, days out, holidays etc which we wouldn’t be able to provide for two. She’s got lots of friends and we all are a lovely tight unit of three.