Thank you notes - is it rude to ask who got what?

[barefootNpregnant]

I’m writing thank you notes for presents bought for DC(4). In the chaos of the party (14 families), I lost track of who brought some of the gifts (I think 3-4 of them).

Is it ok to message the parents and ask what they brought so I can say ‘Thanks for the lovely book/game/whatever’ , or is that rude?

I don’t know the parents well except for one. Is it better to just write a general ‘Thanks for the present, I love it’?

One present was especially thoughtful and I would like to acknowledge that but not sure if it’s polite to ask who it’s from.

A generic message is fine, nobody will be fussed with or without one

Can you make it into a big laugh on WhatsApp group or something? explain that you lost track, everything is AN AMAZING GIFT, post a pic of X and say ‘DC loves this! Who do we shower with thanks??’ Then a pic of Y ‘DC hasn’t put this down! Who do we draw a thank you card for??’ Might be fun & cute ☺️

But generic is a lot less hassle 😬

Just do a generic 'thank you for the present, that was very kind of you'. I find so many people don't even do thank you cards these days that even just the gesture should be appreciated.

A generic message is better if you’re not sure; it loses the point if you have to ask what they got.
also we go to a lot of birthday parties and I would probably have forgotten what I gave so would be embarrassed to admit that

Thanks, hadn’t thought that some people might have forgotten and would be embarrassed to say so! I also like the making it into a laugh idea. Still thinking what to do while I get on with the ones I know, thanks everyone for replying so quickly!

Don’t agree about generic messages- it’s always obvious that someone has no idea what they’re thanking you for.

Better to WhatsApp the group and be honest- just say that a few presents became separated from their cards and you’d like to know who to thank so could whoever kindly gave X, Y and Z let you know.

I'd just go generic. I probably would have forgotten what we gave and it's one more chore to remember and text, also I'm really not precious about thank you notes so it wouldn't bother me if it was generic or we didn't get one.

But then everyone in the group will each get 14 photos, and then loads of messages saying ‘it was me who bought the book’ etc. That would drive me up the wall!

Good point! Am direct messaging the one person I know well enough to and that will narrow things down.

This

That’s a good idea!

just keep a list while unwrapping next time - people do like to know the child loved the duplo they spent 30 quid on. A generic message is rude for proper presents.

But except with elderly rellies I think a thank you WhatsApp message with a photo of them enjoying it is fine.

When they get older they can write a thank you in their adorable handwriting and you can scan and send with the photo.

just keep a list while unwrapping next time - people do like to know the child loved the duplo they spent 30 quid on. A generic message is rude for proper presents.

I read this was a kids party with nursery or school friends - maybe £5 or £10 spent max? We always just sent a group photo printed off with a generic thank you.

I would say some things have got separated so which one's from who? But not do the "wow this one is so amazing!" thing unless you do it equally to all of them (which would get annoying and fake).

A group photo printed out is a great idea for next year, wasn’t organised enough to take one this time. Thanks everyone for your opinions, they’re helpful in navigating this minor etiquette minefield.

I always remember who gave my dd’s what, and I still always put ‘thank you for the gift’ in the cards 🤷🏼‍♀️

When mine were that age, I always did a list whilst unwrapping. But as PP have said, I think if you're not sure, much better to go with "Thank you for coming to X's birthday party. He/she had a great time with all his/her friends. Thank you also for the lovely gift, it was much appreciated." They will keep the note for a short while, appreciate that you sent it and that's it.