name changed for this. Buckle in.
TW of child abuse, possibly.
I have never had a good relationship with my father. I think he’s a liar, narcissistic and I remember him being horrible to my mum before they divorced when I was 8. He moved out and for the next 30 years, we’ve not really seen each other for more than once a year or so. This context is relevant.
There was an incident that not even my mother knew about, and in fact the only person to this day is my DH (who independently finds my dad a bit creepy on the rare occasions they’ve met). When I was about 4, I shared a bath with my dad. Mum was downstairs. I think I must have pointed to dad’s penis and laughed or something because then he pulled back his foreskin and said I could touch it if I wanted. I’ve never regarded that as abusive but just him being weird. But when I told my husband, and even just typing it now, it makes me feel a bit sick.
About ten years ago dad met a man called Roger*. I don’t care about his sexuality at all, but Roger is quite grim. My sister said she once stayed over and she caught him trying to peek her getting changed - she would have been mid twenties at the time.
Dad gave up his career to be with Roger as his carer - Roger has various ailments but frankly they’re both working the system a bit. Again, don’t care - don’t see them, not my business.
But here’s the situation. 1) Dad is reaching out because he wants a relationship with my 5 year old daughter and 6 month old son. He even offered to take them away on a holiday to the New Forest ‘to give you a break’. Over my dead body.
- They move house every 18 months/ 2 Years. Not renting, buying. They’re on a carers allowance and dad has a pension from working for the BBC in the 80s. But they must evaporate £30k easily each time in stamp duty. And it’s to different parts of the country each time. I never know their address but just roughly that this time it’s Yorkshire, now it’s Lincolnshire etc. Why? At best is it boredom? At worst, are they up to something and keep running away from the situation?
every time they announce they’re moving, it consumes my mind that they’re doing something dodgy or dangerous. But perhaps that’s my history clouding my judgment and in fact they’re just two 60 year old weird guys that like moving house.