Do I have ADHD or am I just lazy/difficult?

[venicebeachb]

My friend was recently diagnosed with ADHD. She is 30. I wouldn’t guess it, high achiever and holds down a very high paying job. She can be chaotic with men in her life but did have a stable relationship etc.

The reasons she suspected she had ADHD and went for testing sound starkingly similar to me. But I also don’t know if my reasons are like a problem of my generation.

My issues:

• I am diagnosed with OCD


• suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life


• high achiever at school / uni


• cannot do any work unless under pressure. Can’t motivate myself unless there’s a fear in not doing it. For example at school the fear of failure in exams motivated me


• i pick up activities like they’re going out of fashion. I throw myself in and then get bored if I’m not amazing at something in a week. I have countless Instagram pages for ventures I planned to do


• I struggle to stay in a job. I find it easy to get them but unless there’s strong structure I can’t do it and I end up getting bored and looking for a new job. In reality there have been some major issues in the jobs I’ve had but most people would probably tolerate it longer than me (18m-2 years)


• the longest I’ve stayed in a job is 3 years and that was because I had to to qualify (ACA)


• my Work has never been picked up as poor and I’ve always met expectations. My personality says GO FOR EXCEED and I have the skill set to do it but I can’t make myself do it.

I can’t explain it but I feel like I’m in a hole of dissatisfaction and I can’t MAKE myself be who I want to be. I want to do my work but I can’t do spend a lot of my day distracting myself with random tasks and only do my assigned work when there’s suddenly loads of pressure and if I don’t I’d get in trouble.

am I just super lazy? Help!

@MrsPartridgeKleio
”Testina you sure you don't have adhd? How's your executive functioning?”

This what I mean. It’s so easy to cherry pick parts of who I am and see ADHD.
Time keeping for example.
I always think I can do more in a given space of time than I can. Used to drive my XH mad 😉 So say a weekend away - I’d have a list of 10 things to do, visit, see, eat at… and he’d roll his eyes. It was possible - but unlikely to all fall into place. But my approach was plan 10, you’ll do 8. Plan none, you’ll do 2.
So at times, I can look like me timekeeping is shit. If it doesn’t matter, I’ll always be 15 minutes later leaving than planned - because I got distracted, or lost my bank card…
But if it matters, I am always on time.
Now I could say I’m masking for the times it matters and as a result I use up all my ability to time-keep then, and that’s why it falls apart all the rest of the time. But I don’t think it’s that. I read once that the reason behind lateness can be optimism - late people genuinely look at the clock and think, “yeah, I can mow the lawn and pop into the shop on the way and still get there” (I can’t. But in the moment I think it’ll go my way, with no queue at the till etc).
My ADHD niece? Couldn’t be on time if her life depended on it!
That’s the difference for me really - I can override my personality when essential, she can’t override her brain.

no two people have the same struggles- you cant compare yourself to your neice.

i am also always on time- but at quite a high cost.

I’m pretty much always on time too. Actually I worry so much about being on time that I am often at least 30 mins early

The only way to be certain is to undergo a proper assessment. You can, however, use online screening tools and try out some of the self-management strategies and tips to see if they help you.

Is it worth getting a diagnosis? For me, the answer is definitely yes. After a lifetime of feeling a constant failure (despite being academically able, well qualified and having held down jobs in two very different careers, without ever being sacked or disciplined), I had an answer. I always had the nagging feeling I should have done better, I let people down, I did things too late, badly, or not at all. But the effort of trying to do what seems to be expected just wore me out. I was constantly overwhelmed and thought it was my fault. I was like a hamster who was just about staying on the wheel, but as time went by the anxiety got worse and the bouts of depression closer together.

I got my diagnosis last year, but had already made the decision to retire early. I don’t regret that - I now have the time to do all the things that interest me, and once something stops interesting me, I can stop doing it (rather than grit my teeth and carry on). Because there is more space in my day and week, I can keep up with life admin - or at least catch up before it gets too far behind.

I have been on stimulant medication since April. It makes it easier to focus and get things finished. If I had had the diagnosis and medication earlier, it might have made enough difference that I wouldn’t have felt I needed to walk away.

Yes. People with ADHD tend (not always) to go one way or the other. Always late because distracted and time blind or always on time because their anxiety is such that they end up being utter perfectionist people pleasers who cannot 'fail' at anything including being late.

The ability to be on time does not mean you don't have ADHD. I have combined type. I'm medicated for it. I'm never ever late collecting my children from school, or taking them in fact we're/I'm often early because I allow so much extra time to ensure that's the case. Other things? Always bloody late because 'I've got ten minutes before I need to leave' doesn't work in my brain and I get distracted by 'I'll just do X quickly before I go' and before I know it I've done ten things 'just quickly' and I am late!

@oddoneoutalways
yep, it was my perfectionist tendencies that led me to being diagnosed too. I never relaxed, ever.

I would revise even on Christmas Day, pretty much all day.

I’m combined too 18/18 (9 adulthood, 9 childhood) and on elvanse. I’ve stopped taking it for the moment though as COVID cause my resting HR to go up 40bpm so I’m hoping it comes down soon. I’m not convinced stims on top are a good idea.

I've been diagnosed recently with ADD (so minus the hyperactive part), but the consultant said that essentially I had really good coping mechanisms so didn't need medication. To come back if I started looking like I might be sacked and he'd consider it.

I think it would have been helpful to have the diagnosis years ago when I had to take years out to pass exams or was on the verge of being thrown out of university, however I'm in a job now where no one really notices that it takes me ages to do anything useful and that any time I work from home, I spend the day starting 17 things and nothing gets finished....😂 and no one ever gets sacked really from my job

you need to decide if a diagnosis would actually change anything, which for you, it sounds like it might do
😀

Yes, because drinking a lot of diet coke is the same as stimulants

Guess what, I drank a metric shit ton of diet coke daily pre stimulants. It never though, funnily enough, helped me to function, like stimulants do 🙄

I often wonder if I have it too. When I was in my late teens I did take speed a few times and it definitely had an effect. I am 50 now. The fact that speed worked on me is probably the main reason I have not pursued a diagnosis. I did love it though, having energy but it didn't effect my mood or make me feel out of it.

All the things mentioned here are honestly things a lot of people have, in my opinion. People don't want to hear that though. At the end of the day, ADHD is just a label for some personality traits that cause difficulties. And there are lots of personality traits that cause difficulties, but they might not have a label. If that makes sense. I have known tons of people in my life who struggle with all those things, and according to Mumsnet they would all have ADHD!
If you think the medication will help then great. Otherwise it is just a label.

By that definition isn't any diagnosis just a label?

I can relate to a lot of your OP and I don’t have ADHD (I don’t think!).

the main one that jumped out at me is the procrastination at work - it is me to a tee. I NEED a deadline to function or i spend the day doing nothing whilst feeling guilty the whole time.

What has helped me recently is consciously letting go of perfectionism. What I’ve realised I do is instantly avoid something if I don’t think I’ll be good at it or I don’t feel I’m doing it ‘right’.

A key example being I LOVED reading as a kid. I stopped until very recently, because I thought reading trashy novels you buy in a supermarket wasn’t the ‘right’ way to read - so I stopped reading because I wasn’t reading all the booker prize winners.

Another example is I’ve been avoiding park run until I can run it in under 30 mins, because anything more than 30 isn’t ‘good enough’ so why bother.

the list goes on - overanalysing holiday destinations / hotels to an obsessive levels, speaking foreign languages on holiday (why try when I’m not fluent etc etc). Team building days at work, i linger on the side lines for fear of getting a meaningless task wrong rather than join in.

Honestly being in my head is exhausting, but now I’ve realised this is my problem, it’s like a weight has been lifted.

im reading the trashy books and going to park run and no one else cares I’m not doing it ‘right’.

The same at work - I leave my phone in my
bag and force myself to do 30 mins, it doesn’t matter if it’s crap. Once I’ve done that, it’s surprisingly easy to crack on, starting is the hard part.

I hope that helps - I definitely relate to a lot of ADHD indicators, but also I think it’s similar to a high achieving anxious personality type.

This is very ignorant and offensive. You really have no idea what you're talking about. Honestly, you'd be better doing some research before posting nonsense.

@Worriedpanda50 I have a diagnosis of asthma from a gp because I meet certain criteria. I also have a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD from a psychiatrist who did a clinical questionnaire over several hours which examined my childhood as well as my current difficulties. I know which one was much more in depth.

A lifetime of dealing with an impaired dopamine and norepinephrine reception in my brain has caused me endless difficulties. As a result of genetics, my 4 children have it too, again through a rigorous diagnostic process.

No, it’s not a label. It’s a way for me and my children to understand why we fail at so many routine tasks while being able to conceptualise all sorts of random things. It helps us fight the relentless issues with self-esteem because there is so much simple day to day stuff that we just don’t notice.

I’m sorry if it seems I’ve picked on your post but honestly it’s exhausting dealing with the minimalisation of something which has been fundamentally misunderstood and misdiagnosed in women for decades.

Yeaaaahhhhh but no. ADHD is a recognised disability. We have different brains. It's not a personality or label like someone identifying as a hipster because they ride a fixie and have braces and a beard...

WHY do people have to comment with such authority when they have no clue what they're talking about?!

@jmscp interesting you say that about Diet Coke, I was the same but with Pepsi Max. I drank 10 cans a day from she 13. So a decade. I haven’t had a single can for 4 months now. It’s changed my life, my knees have less pain, less bloated etc but god I miss it. I couldn’t ever touch it again I don’t think. I was offered a glass a couple of weeks ago and in my mind I thought “no one would ever know if I drank it” and I gave myself a shake as that’s a proper addict mentality. Honestly I have never eaten, drank or experienced anything that makes me anywhere near as happy as Pepsi Max did.

There’s so much more to ADHD than the obvious traits. Binge eating can be a huge issues also. I’m afraid some posters on this thread are being very dismissive of very real struggles.

I’m diagnosed bipolar but have been wondering if I actually have adhd! Seems to be quite an overlap of symptoms

@Maladicta I think you misinterpreted my response. I was sarcastically replying to the person above me who called it a label. I am with you. The reason I am thinking I may have it is that I am pretty convinced my boys have it and have started to wonder if I am at the root of that. Whenever I do an online test I score highly.

I don't even know where to begin with this.

Ignorant, ableist and offensive. You do realise that autism, ADHD etc are categorised as disabilities under the Equality Act?

Jesus wept.

@Worriedpanda50 Sorry, RDS at its worst - I’m just so flipping weary of people minimising, it’s hard to judge responses x

@venicebeachb but when it matters, do you build extra time into your schedule in case things go wrong, or there's roadworks, or a ufo???