I'm taking 19yo DS2 on an expensive holiday

[50mg]

It's a once in a lifetime destination, somewhere both DS2 and I see as a bucket list trip. We're only going for a few days, but price is comparable to a family of 4 AI, in the med, for a fortnight, in school holidays. I've covered the holiday, but I've told him I expect him to buy some meals and drinks.

DS1 didn't want to come. He's all loved up and I didn't offer to pay for gf and he's not particularly interested in the place. It's special for a particular interest DS2 and I have both had since childhood.

I'm now having a bit of a wobble about treating one and not the other. Should I have included GF? Should I give DS some money to take GF away or is having invited him and him declining enough?

If it makes a difference he did go on a very expensive school trip that DS2 didn't want to do.

They're both working FT.

I wouldn't pay for his gf, but I would try and go somewhere with him one on one.

Definitely not an issue - DS1 didn't want to come and got the school trip, just enjoy your fab trip with DS2 😊 enjoy!

Pretty sure you’ve posted about this before?

It's all I can do to get him to "sacrifice" the time to have coffee with me 😆

I don't think so, but it's possible. I do live my life here 😆

Nah, he had a choice and he chose
Parent guilt
Have a fabulous time

No, you offered, he declined.

I’m taking DS20 and DD17 on holiday to NY later this year. It was offered to DS21 as well, but he chose not to come. It didn’t even occur to me to offer him some money, or an alternative trip.

No if he didn’t want to go then I’d leave it. He had the chance

If you can afford it I'd offer to do something he wants.

He might well turn you down, but it would limit your angst! And if he says yes, it sounds like you'd value the time.

You invited him, he said no. That was the offer and he declined. And he had the school trip!

I'm so sure I've read this exact situation on here before too.

You offered and he said no so that's fair enough in my opinion. If you want to be really nice you could offer to pay for an overnight in a nice hotel for them but i wouldn't say that you're obliged to.

Fair doesn’t mean equal is what I’ve always thought with mine.

They have had access to school trips that they chose apart from the one covid hit so we’ll pay for a holiday in the future. Probably a lads holiday somewhere unsuitable but that’s his choice.

They’ve had holidays separately from each other so they had 1 to 1 time and there interests don’t fit! all the time.

Go and enjoy yourselves in the knowledge he refused the invitation.

God no. You invited him. He declined. The end.

They have both had 2 opportunities and declined one each. That's about as equal as it gets really.

I don't think this is unfair at all. DS2 was given the option and he declined and seems perfectly happy to have done so.

Neither of my parents would have funded a holiday for me at 19 (an adult), particularly if I was on a full time salary and only needing to chip in for a bit of food and drink. I think you are being more than generous as is OP and hope you both have a lovely time; it sounds very special!

I'd maybe leave DS2 a small amount of money for a couple of takeaways if I wanted to leave a gesture but that's it and isn't necessary - you'll be back in a few days, they are adults on a FT salary and I can't imagine at that age would be sat feeling jealous or embittered about that kind of thing anyway.