Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How do I tell my tutor I can't do my course due to my social anxiety

38 replies

Recomme · 23/07/2022 10:36

I signed up to do a course. It's delivered via zoom. I thought it was all theory and learning via books etc. I've only had a few sessions and really enjoying it. I didn't realise that there would be regular"practical" sessions where I would need to role play in different scenarios with other students / tutors in front of everyone. Currently everyone has their videos off and speak only if they want to answer a question or ask something themselves so it feels "safe" for me.

I have social anxiety and the thought of this is making me feel sick. I feel I need to quit the course and feel so sad that i need to do this as I'm really enjoying it. The role play sessions would be part of the assessment for the qualification so it's not something I could skip.

Should I just quit and make up an excuse or tell her the truth?

OP posts:
Sunbird24 · 23/07/2022 10:37

Tell her the truth, she may be able to help you…

CantaloupeMelon · 23/07/2022 10:38

Definitely talk to your tutor and explain exactly what you have said here. They will have come across this issue before and may be able to offer an alternative way of assessing you for these parts of the course.

Zoeslatesttrope · 23/07/2022 10:38

Can you ask for reasonable adjustments for your anxiety, eg role playing just with the tutor?
I would include what you've said here about enjoying the course.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Tutoring
MaChienEstUnDick · 23/07/2022 10:39

Tell the truth and ask for support. That's what your tutor is there for. If your course is part of a college or uni, there may also be support available from the student union. Speak to your doctor, they may prescribe temporary medication like beta blockers to help you through the assessment. Don't just give up on it if you're otherwise enjoying it.

Original poster
Recomme · 23/07/2022 10:42

Zoeslatesttrope · 23/07/2022 10:38

Can you ask for reasonable adjustments for your anxiety, eg role playing just with the tutor?
I would include what you've said here about enjoying the course.

I think I would be okay with doing the role play with the tutor even though that would still be nerve wracking but I think I could do it.

Do you think anxiety would be classed under reasonable adjustments. Would I need to something from my gp

OP posts:
Bagzzz · 23/07/2022 10:45

Speak to them and see if there are any adjustments. You have nothing to lose, unless maybe you can transfer to another course now for free rather than a fee later.

Also agree with GP to see about anxiety or self help if you haven’t already tried that.

Regenbogen22 · 23/07/2022 10:48

@Recomme if the roleplay parts are practice for whatever the course is actually for, how do you plan to do these in real life?

ChagSameachDoreen · 23/07/2022 10:49

Choose a course that doesn't have these elements. As a previous poster says, if you're struggling with the preliminary learning, you're not going to be able to do the actual job you're training for.

There are plenty of jobs that don't have a social element.

whataboutnow · 23/07/2022 10:50

Talk to your tutor,you won't be the only one. I am doing OU and the amount of people who suddenly lose Internet, have an urgent phone call or need to leave for some reason or other the moment he mentions group work within the session is huge .

Original poster
Recomme · 23/07/2022 10:50

Regenbogen22 · 23/07/2022 10:48

@Recomme if the roleplay parts are practice for whatever the course is actually for, how do you plan to do these in real life?

I totally get what you're saying however I am doing this course solely for interest. I have no intention in working in this role / field. Some people on the course are pursuing it as a career.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 23/07/2022 10:51

I've always hated role play but what is the end goal of the course? Is it for a job or a qualification? Surely the role play scenarios would then be something you would actually be needing to do in real life? If you are anxious about doing them in 'pretend' how will you do them in a real situation?
I don't mean this in a horrible way as I have suffered from anxiety in the past.

TeachesOfPeaches · 23/07/2022 10:55

Everyone will feel nervous. What would happen if you just did the role play despite feeling anxious?

Original poster
Recomme · 23/07/2022 10:57

TeachesOfPeaches · 23/07/2022 10:55

Everyone will feel nervous. What would happen if you just did the role play despite feeling anxious?

If I'm really anxious my mind just goes blank and like I said these sessions and are assessed so I would mostly likely fail.

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 23/07/2022 10:58

Can't you prepare and practice what to say first? Perhaps write a script and practice with a friend or relative

burnoutbabe · 23/07/2022 11:00

whataboutnow · 23/07/2022 10:50

Talk to your tutor,you won't be the only one. I am doing OU and the amount of people who suddenly lose Internet, have an urgent phone call or need to leave for some reason or other the moment he mentions group work within the session is huge .

we have this

we are masters level law students and at last lecture (which was online as lecturer was ill), we were sent off to breakout rooms for some group discussions and 50% just logged off. just staggering. These people WANT TO BE LAWYERS.

DenholmElliot1 · 23/07/2022 11:01

Can't you just get medicated?

MattoMatto · 23/07/2022 11:01

There has been a case in the press recently about a university failing to make reasonable adjustments for a student’s anxiety - in short, yes, this was something they needed to do although obviously what is reasonable will vary case by case and I don’t know how this would map to something you’re doing as a hobby. Assuming this isn’t a performing arts or public speaking course, changing the format of the evaluation may be very easy. Good luck!

127LMS · 23/07/2022 11:04

Yes ask for adjustments. I’ve had these in the past I’m relation to anxiety and presentations. I only needed the adjustment as a short term fix and went into a career where presenting has been a large part of my day to day duties

BertieBotts · 23/07/2022 11:07

Just ask them. Worst case scenario they say no and you're in the same situation you are now which is feeling like you need to quit.

If you don't need the qualification perhaps it doesn't matter if you pass every part of the course?

TeachesOfPeaches · 23/07/2022 11:09

What do you lose if you fail the role play? What do you gain by giving the role play a go and perhaps even succeeding?

GreenManalishi · 23/07/2022 11:10

You have nothing to lose by being honest, there is no need to make something up. They might make adjustments, they might not and you then might decide to end the course, either way nothing lost. But nothing gained at all by making up an excuse.

CallmeMrsPricklepants · 23/07/2022 11:11

I'm a lecturer, if you have medical evidence then we can adjust the assessment as people suggest. Without medical evidence then we can't tease out real anxiety from nerves/worries so we would expect you to do the assessment without adjustment. Fwiw I was like you at undergraudate level when we didn't have adjustments, we were forced to do presentations etc in front of the group. It was horrible...but it made me face up to my fears and hone my skills and now I talk to huge audiences most days without fear. I'm not saying everyone can do that but you might surprise yourself if you try. Perhaps speak to your tutor about having a back up assessment if the real one gets too stressful.

SunnyKlara · 23/07/2022 11:13

Recomme · 23/07/2022 10:57

If I'm really anxious my mind just goes blank and like I said these sessions and are assessed so I would mostly likely fail.

Show quote history

But if you are doing the course just for fun, why does it matter if you have a go and fail?

I think you should talk to your course tutor, so they know what is going on. But still prepare and have a go as much as you can. Think of it as part of learning and a "development opportunity" if you can.

When I say prepare, write out some likely sentences/answers in advance and practise general role play /previous examples with family/friends. Just get comfortable doing it with people you already know and are comfortable with. It's a skill that requires development, just like anything else.

TirednExhausted · 23/07/2022 11:13

I'd be honest as they will probably try and work with you to do a workaround.
I really struggle with social anxiety and in a similar situation course wise I was excused from a lot of it and had alternative things put in place.

SquirrelSoShiny · 23/07/2022 11:17

Tbh I think the adjustments are getting a bit out of hand now. This isn't aimed at you specifically OP but in general.

Is your anxiety being treated and managed? If it isn't, then seek help. Otherwise you've had good advice - have a go, you won't die if you fluff it.

What we resist persists is my mantra at these times.