Im starting to dislike my ‘D’D

[NintyNine2]

She has always been a lovely girl, kind, had friends, worked hard at school. She is in year 6 and goes to high school next year. For the last couple of months she has changed. She is horrible to me, shouts and hits if she cannot get her own way, throws clothes around, trashes her room. Says she hates me. It only takes a minor trigger, sometime like she can’t find her tights, and she flips. I’ve also noticed she is being mean to her friend at school. Im reallt starting to dislike her, I don’t like spending time with her and dread every morning what mood she is going to be in.
she needs help but I’m not sure what to do

Jesus! Does she treat her father like that too?

@DogsAndGin he doesn’t get it as bad

What are the consequences when she behaves like this?

Hormones?

Any asd suspected op? Not unusual in girls for things to start falling apart at this age as social and educational expectations increase?

Before anyone judgy comments, I just want you to know that I understand how you’re feeling when you say you dislike her. You dislike her behaviour, her attitude etc not her as a person. I’m sure you love her very much.
there’s an unmet need here which she’s rebelling about. Has something changed recently? Home situation? Something bothering her at school?

when she gets into one of her tantrums, don’t join her. Try to stay calm and acknowledge her feelings. Once she’s finished trashing her room or other outburst, join her in tidying up. Help her. Try not to be like ‘you better tidy this up right now’ honestly it just pushes them away. Instead, ‘come on let’s tidy this up together then we can maybe talk about what’s going on’. Spend more time with her alone. She may just be feeling scared to go to high school. It’s a huge thing. But remember always stay calm, don’t join their chaos.
Good luck.

My dd had a huge personality change around the same age, massive tantrums and rages. She settled when she started her periods, and by 14yrs old had reverted back to her previous lovely self.

Sadly and I'm not sure if it's true in your daughter's case, SM, mobiles have a big parent in youngsters' lives these days.

Children will often blame one parent usually the mum who often cooks, cleans etc for them.

Then once dad says something they disagree with, they may turn on them as well but as often dad's say less, they will get less BS.

Put your foot down and only respond if she is civil.
There is always the danger and they may say this ie they are leaving home but you have to weigh up the reality of this.

From what I have seen, for many more parents than years ago, children appear to be much more demanding and nasty.

The trick is to be strict/balanced from the outset but sadly a lot of children will blame their parents for being "too strict" for their awful behaviour.

Possibly as her grandparents to talk to her. Just like you care for your kids they care for you and their grandkids and won't blurt out your woes to any Tom....

Urgh, completely feel you. Going through very similar things right now. Easy to say but don't let it get you down.

It's hormones and it's temporary. I'm just trying not to scar her permanently by reacting badly. We definitely do get it more than the dads and her dad is a proper hands on dad. I feel bullied every morning. Following for helpful tips.

I was a little bitch at this age, when I got to my mid teens I'd started to calm down. With me I think it was a mixture of hormones and difficulties I went through. My mum was emotionally abusive and neglectful and I took it out on my dad. I think subconsciously I was lashing out at him because he was submissive and let my mum treat me that way. I struggled to make friends at school and felt alone in the world. I'm not saying you're being horrible to your daughter but it indicates that something might be going on that's making her unhappy.Talk to her, spend time with her and give her some love.
My 14 year old can go off on one sometimes and shouting and screaming at him doesn't work. Obviously I lose my rag sometimes but generally I try to go into his room, sit and talk to him, give him a hug. He's calmed down a lot and we can have a laugh together now.

Yes, a balance of the carrot and stick approach but it can only work so many times.

It's hard but try not to react by shouting. Try to ignore but often they will then bang on about you ignoring them.

It's never easy but often being more strict helps and then possibly reward them in a few month's time.

Children have big expectations and the law banging about you can't do this, that and the other does not help. I recall my class all of us being called in by the deputy head for the cane The first 3/4 from what I can recall when I was 15 is that one girl and boy cried as they came out and that made some other tearful in the line up waiting for their punishment - I nearly messed up my pants. Thankfully the head was cleaver and he only intended to punish the 4 as they were the leaders in shouting at teachers. Most of us never ranted and raved along with the leaders ever again. Yes, most will learn and the odd two may not but it works for most.

Restrict times they can go out as if with a group and or a person/s they are easily impressed by. However, I can recall me being 21 and then at 25 and 35 thinking there was nothing else to learn in life as I knew everything - we all know that is very wrong as we learn day by day.