I’m still stuck! How do you move forward/ unstick?

[Mooboo3]

Every day I…get anxious and guilty because 14 yr old son is bored and on computer again. I don’t know what to do with him to interest him in stuff. We live in small village, bugger all to do, I know a few people but have nothing to talk about.
Dh working hard, I’m guilty and anxious and looking for work.
im so anxious it’s ridiculous. Long summer holidays to fill. What do I do with boy? What do I do now dd is going to leave home soon. What do I do for a job, for me? I feel life is unraveling fast and I don’t know how to plan or cope or what to do. I’ve been stuck for years and whatever I try still seem to stay stuck.
i follow a stupid pattern..housework..look for jobs, feel useless get depressed..think I may as well sell my own designs, think they’re crap, get overwhelmed feel useless…look for jobs..etc etc etc. HOW do I get unstuck?!

would it be better to take a £10 an hour job as a carer or in a shop that won’t lead anywhere and ‘won’t benefit the family’ as Dh says. I thought I’d be better doing course to UpSkill, look for work, trying to tart up my Etsy shop, do the diy that needs doing ( saving £20 ph plus) …I try this but then feel useless, get nowhere and feel I’d better find work and there’s nothing I can do and I just go round and round, get exhausted and depressed and get nowhere. Please help me unstick!

Thanks heatstrokeunsteadt I think you are right. I tried so hard to be motivated this morning, yet here I am at 2 pm utterly overwhelmed in a constantly messy house, whatever I do. Dd out, ds bored. And I know Dh will come home tired and resentful. Been job hunting but nothing really. Need to get a grip!

Hello, sorry just posting as I need a mate to chat to!
such a grey rainy evening. Dh came in knackered and the first thing he said was’ any news about jobs’ it’s fair enough. I mentioned I’d applied to loads and got through to the next round on one and he just grunted. I can feel my anxiety going up. I went to lidl as he wanted wine and bits and I just felt soooo depressed. I’m STILL in this stupid pattern. Spent the day trawling through crap jobs that I don’t have the experience for and got more and more down. It’s grey, ds scarpered after tea. Dh gone to bed he’s knackered after asking me to iron a shirt, and I get to tidy the kitchen again. What does anyone else do in the evenings, because this is dull!

He's a bundle of joy, isn't he? He grunts, sends you shopping for wine and asks you to iron a shirt. Have you watched Shirley Valentine recently...?

Thanks eyesopen I am a bit down I think.

OP, do you have a routine at home? If not, consider getting into one because when you have a list of things to do, you can get motivated by check marking every item… against the clock, at least that was worked for me.

Just to get back your strength and feel better about yourself, wake up early, get dressed and go for an early morning walk. It doesn’t have to be very long, just something that allows you to wake your body up and get some early sun, it makes wonders for your well being. If that is not possible, wake up before every one, get a cup of coffee and have it in the garden, with a blanket if necessary, it does really help to change your perspective at the start of the day.

I am sure you are very efficient in keeping your house tidy, but if you haven’t as yet, try to sign up for Flylady, which is an app that provides 15 minute daily cleaning routines that you need to do against the clock. After a month, you will end up having a perfectly clean house doing only 15 minutes a day but most importantly, you will feel lighter and more motivated. Once you are feeling better, apply for the jobs and remember, do not take unsuccessful applications as rejections as you may be unsuccessful for things that have nothing to do with you like reminding them of their MIL or because they have another 60 applications.

Sign up for Jobseeker’s Allowance, not only will you get a bit of money, you may get a lot of advice on how to go back to work. It was the job centre who paid the career coach I used when I show them my CV, a list of 170 failed applications and explained that I had been looking for a job unsuccessfully for months as I didn’t have recent experience or was overqualified for the junior positions. I meet with the career coach twice for 2 hours and that was enough to get a shiny Cv and some very good interview advice.

Check also your local hospital, many offer volunteering positions that enable you to get a reference to apply for other NHS jobs.

And also, if you are feeling down, talk to your GP, they may be able to help a bit 💐

gosh thank you getthathelmeton for such a lovely post.
I tried flylady years ago and guess I wasn’t consistent. If it’s true you can get on top of your home with 15 minutes a day I’m snuggled up and will look at her now. I currently spend about 3 hours c,earning ( procrastinating) and it still looks a mess.
I have to thank you, I called the jobseekers place. Last time I went they were useless, but this guy was brilliant and has given me some links, a boost of confidence . He’s going to give me an hour of interview practise too. So I’m really hopeful!
usually I make everyone else coffee hot chocolate etc. maybe tomorrow I’ll just do one for me and sit in the garden😀
thank you so much everyone for responding. It’s amazingly wonderful to know you are out there.

Agree about getting any job. For weekends ear in mind that if yiur dh became your ex, he would at least not have EOW to himself so its just tough shit if he's, tired because he's more important than you.

Also agree about a household routine. That needs to have involvement from all capable household members, not just you. Your DS needs to have some jobs and you might need to remind your oh so important husband that you're his wife, not his mummy.

Glad it helped, now do have the coffee alone outside on your own, try to think of nothing just enjoy the light, hear the sounds trying to keep your inside voice quiet. The morning light helps you reset your body clock and helps your body release endorphins. 🙂

What about one of those escape room things for your DS if he enjoys Rubik's cube he might enjoy something like that with puzzles?

Thank you! pickachew you’re right about the mummy thing. I finally told him he wouldn’t be so useless if I was his mate. He agreed!
he got out the ironing board and ironed a shirt without asking me loads of stupid questions! Good grief!
I now need to establish a routine with chores for the teens. And us. And Dh, who is soo messy it’s not true.
getthathelmeton what a good idea. I do take 5 mins in the day for a quick meditation app. Sitting and really feeling the outside sounds lovely.
whatsmynameagainplease that is a good idea. I dragged him and his mates last year and they enjoyed. I’ll find another one. If it’s booked and a done deal it might work!