DS(7) Over-excited behaviour around one particular friend

[Anywhereelse]

DS(7) has had a friend since he was 2 and they play well together, however as they have got older DS behaviour can often, but not always, become quite difficult when he is around her.

They see each every week at a club and then occasionally for play dates out and about; DS(7) can become so over-excited (I presume that’s the emotion) in her company that his behaviour goes downhill and the instant I try to intervene he becomes rude, belligerent, and refuses to listen to anything I say. He also becomes loud and boisterous which is not his normal way at all.

It’s got to the stage where I wish he wouldn’t see this friend anymore as it feels like she brings out the worst in him somehow, even though they get on so well. He hasn’t seen her for nearly three weeks at the club and he’s been so calm there, playing afterwards with some other children he knows. The instant we part company from the girl and her DM he reverts back to his usual calm self. It’s bizarre, like a split personality. He doesn’t behave like this with any other child (school also confirmed this).

I’ve tried talking to him before we even see this friend about the behaviour I expect to see to no avail. I really feel now that I should just tell him three strikes and we leave and go home. I’m at the end of my tether 🙁

It sounds like the kind of friendship where they bring out the worst in each other, which isn’t a good friendship really sometimes even if actually get on well. My DS had a similar situation with a girl in Reception and their teacher told me that they were encouraging other friendships because their behaviour went downhill when they were together.

I’d warn him that you will leave if he misbehaves before you meet up and then follow through. Do that enough times and he might understand that you won’t tolerate his behaviour.

Just let the friendship go

I think just be really firm and leave immediately if he starts mucking about. My son also seven had/has a friend like this, they’d push and shove and call each other increasingly silly and rude names. It drove me mad as I couldn’t relax in their company. He wouldn’t have dreamed of behaving like this with his closest friends, they didn’t have that silly/aggressive dynamic. We have the problematic friendship a really long break (no meet ups) and I’m pleased to say recently it’s been much better when they’ve seen each other - perhaps both matured a bit.

My DS (6.5) has a friend just like this. Unfortunately they are “best friends” and in the same class!

It’s very hard as we want to hold our children responsible for their own behaviour regardless of others (that’s the approach I have to take as there’s no changing our situation) but if you don’t have to meet up with them, I would most probably give them a wide berth.

Thanks for the responses and glad we’re not the only ones to have this type of behaviour. It’s such a shame as I get on well with the DM but I have been dreading meeting up with them for quite a while now. The friend behaves ok, it’s my DS who just goes into hyperactive and rude mode towards me when he sees her.

Sounds like he really likes playing with this friend !!
can you meet in an environment they can be boisterous together ??
trampoline park ? Large field ???
and let them have a great time until they’ve worn out ??

@Schmz yes we do meet on parks sometimes too where the behaviour is not usually as poor.

At the club, which is based inside a gym chain, his behaviour is awful. Gets in the showers and starts shouting nonsense ie la-de-da-de-daa etc at a horrendous volume, takes his swim shorts off in the shower and thrashes them against the sides of the cubicle repeatedly, running in and out of the showers shouting nonsense, throws wet shorts at me, refuses to let me put shampoo on his hair until it suits him, won’t get out of the showers when given a count down to getting out, when getting dressed he throws his bag of clean clothes on the floor and then starts throwing clothes around the changing rooms and running around manically etc. In the gym main area he runs up and down (with other kids I admit) and simply won’t stop. One day one of then will get hot coffee tipped on them from the staff delivering coffee to tables but the other parents there don’t care, so when I’m the only one trying to stop him running through the cafe it’s a futile effort because he can’t under why the others are allowed to do this and not him.

Then when I try and stop any of the above behaviour he goes mad, and becomes belligerent and rude. As I say, this behaviour never occurs when this friend of his isn’t there or in any other setting etc.

Sorry, that was long!

Wow that sounds like a nightmare !!

personally I’d be very picky of the environment I’d meet this pal in rather than not meet them ?
obviously continuing to meet them where you’ve just described is a non starter !!

Gosh this could all be my DS, to a lesser extent maybe. But that all sounds just like stuff he does when in what I assume is showing-off mode. He's like it when he sees his best friend at school, and we have behaviour problems on the days that his friend is there (ie, when his friend is on holiday in term time, the teacher takes me aside and tells me how great DS has been, FFS).

It's very hard as it's not necessarily the friend behaving badly all of the time and DS copying (and even if it were, I won't "blame" another child when my DS is old enough to control himself), but something about this friend's presence pushes DS into showing off mode. He was also doing it recently when seeing his cousin for the first time in a year, so I guess was eager to impress, but he isn't like it with all friends.