If you were having a particularly stressful time at work, would you use your partner as an outlet? To rant?

[ReeseWitherfork]

Just that really… if you were having a particularly stressful time at work, would you rant to your partner? Say, every day was a struggle. But it was only temporary so no point quitting. Imagine you just needed somewhere to have a rant. Would you rant to your partner? How often is it acceptable to rant?

I try to save work rants for people who work with me

I hate listening to work bitching about someone else’s job
i don’t know your policies, colleagues, manager, environment and I also don’t care

maybe bring it up once or twice and just move on

Yes

Depends how much the other person can put up with it. And how much you are willing to listen to your partner.

What good is a man if you can’t whine to him about annoying stuff that pissed you off?

I think coming home from work and having a 10 or 15 minute max moan with your partner about your day is fine. The other partner sympathises, listens, makes all the right noises etc etc. Then it's time to shut the fuck up and move on and enjoy the rest of the evening together.

Hmm I don’t know. I think it’s so dependent on context. Say DH had a really rubbish day and came home saying ‘what a bloody day’ and went on to tell me how his van broke down then he was late to x client then the apprentice went home early due to sickness then this then that. That’s ok.

But I have one acquaintance who it is absolutely constant. Every time you ask ‘good day?’ It’s a long sigh then ‘not really’ followed by her moaning for ages. And it simply means I no longer ask and don’t really care. It’s draining and I don’t think it’s fair to use others as your constant dumping ground for emotions - as adults we need to be aware of how we’re affecting others. So it depends.

Of course. We do it all the time to each other.

Although DH can do it a bit much sometimes (we run our own business and it is all consuming and stressful) so I do ask him to stop if it’s getting too much for me. There does come a point where if you are ranting too much, something has to change.

Not rant, but certainly offload. Or used to - DH has been dead for 30 years now, but he was always v comforting if I’d had a tough day in the operating theatre. Difficult airways, cardiac arrests, high risk patients, bullying surgeons, etc. Occasionally getting punched or kicked by special needs patients. That sort of thing.
I missed having someone to vent to for the final 24 years of my career, before retiring.

What do you mean by rant do you mean discuss the problems you are having at work in a heated manner, or do you mean be short and rude to your partner at home because you are stressed

The first is okay the second unacceptable

All of this. I just complained about absences to DH. I was ranting about the bloody skivers in my office and he was sympathising. That style of thing is fine.

Well yes but with strict boundaries - so we have a deal. The "ranter" has to clearly state they want to vent, or want an opinion. There is a time limit set for the rant and for the number of times you can rant about the same thing without actually doing anything about it.

We both are in a second "marriage" (getting married next year) and communication is important to both of us.

depends on how often you're ranting - if its every day about the same thing, I wouldn't want to listen to that. every once in a while about different things - sure, we all need to blow off steam sometimes

Yes, but my DH always chooses to do it in the morning when I am trying to get out the door and wonders why i don’t pay attention! Timing is everything.

That would make me miserable @jb7445 is there an exit plan to this?

We do 5 minute day max on a bad day, literally set a timer and go for 5 minutes. Works a treat 👍🏼

Not rant, no, because I don't get anything out of doing so. I might as well still be at work if I'm going to be focusing on my work problems. I do t get any sense of catharsis or relief from ranting and just end up winding myself up again so I don't do it - to the point where if DH asks me how my day was I'll say "it was shite, but I don't want to talk about it." Ranting is too much like hard work!

The exception is if I think he could give me useful advice. Then I'll calmly explain the situation and ask him what he would do in my shoes. I earn 4x more than he does but he has more management experience than I do and great people skills so often his perspective is really valuable. But ranting helps neither him nor me so I don't do it.

I'll have a little vent but rant sounds quite aggressive. I'll make it short and brief because it's not fair on him.

Yes, but then we are both emergency services so although different jobs, we just get it when it comes to eachothers struggles.

Offload yes. Dh works in the NHS, it’s actually important that he can offload at home. I work with toddlers - yes I often need to offload too.

I love coming home and whingeing about my day. For me it's like a bonding thing coming home and ranting and telling my partner all about my day.

He hates it though and gets really pissed off. I suppose as soon as he comes through the door he wants to relax whereas I want to offload. Then I go in a strop because he doesn't want to listen and then he will give in and let me tell him briefly but I know he doesn't care. It just stressed him out.

I'd definitely talk about it to my partner but not rant. Have an aggressive ranter in my family and it's so unpleasant and stressful to be around that I avoid ranting to others!

My H used to do it weekly, and want solutions from me, his lifestyle coach, cheerleader etc…. Except I’d never get the same in return so I just shut him down. Been about 2yrs now and a couple of weeks ago he HAD to talk about it and again I gave him a solution. It was a drama about nothing per usual. So demoralising to be married to an apparently grown man who is also a manager that can’t manage his own work relationships

Not repeatedly, no - no-one wants to hear the same complaints every night! Especially when they don't know the people involved and can't change the outcome because they don't have any input into the situation.

A one-off moan may be fine, but not repeated aggressive ranting.

I used to (DH has died so I don’t anymore). Sometimes very sad things happen at work, sometimes things happen that make me angry, some of the people I work with are ridiculous and very annoying. It was good to be able to vent about that at the end of a long day, but I could usually balance it out with something great that had happened and/ or a funny story. I am sure that sometimes DH regretted asking how was work, but he listened and supported me through some really shit days even though he didn’t really understand everything about my job. I miss that. I also listened to him complain about his annoying colleagues, boring pointless meetings and office politics.