Need help with spider identification please. WARNING: CONTAINS PHOTO

[Squiff70]

Can anyone please help me identify this spider? It has taken up residence in our bathroom today - it's alive but not moving much at all (hardly surprising as the bathroom is like a furnace so I want to rescue it if poss). DP keeps telling me it looks dangerous and to squish it but I absolutely don't want to hurt it (unless indeed it does prove to be a nasty little blighter).

I've never had a problem with spiders until I was bitten on the hand by an absolute BEAST of a house spider a few years ago and needed IV antibiotics in hospital so I'm erring on the side of caution.

Anyway, spider (including legs) would be slightly bigger than a 50p coin. It is brown with patterned markings. We are in the UK.

Yes, it's a male:

uknatureblog.com/2011/07/male-garden-spider-araneus-diadematus/

You should LTB . . . . alone, outside in your garden.

Looks like a labyrinth spider but I'm not entirely sure. Can you see a web anywhere?

I was bitten by a woodlice spider once, hurt like billio! Since then I've been a bit more cautious round spiders and you have my full sympathy op, personally I think spider bites are much more painful than a hornet sting!

Am I the only one who sees a frog

The habitat you describe sounds exactly like where false widows live. And your reaction sounds like the reaction to a false widow bite that your unfortunately allergic to. False widows have been around since Victorian times.

people are saying we don’t have venomous spiders because we don’t. Even ones shipped in bananas aren’t finding each other, breeding and in your room.

have you considered doing the spider course at london zoo. They are truly fascinating creatures and quite sweet really. They aren’t trying to kill you. Just get on and live.

It's one of those nice striped garden spiders that are one of the first signs of autumn.

@Bluebellbike - are you sure your ds is a spider expert?! 😂😂

@Damnautocorrect i did the spider course too. It was genuinely life changing

Spider expert or no spider expert, it is NOT a house spider.

Also, I never said the spider in my shed which bit me a few years ago may have been a false widow. It was a HUGE brown spider which looked like a typical house spider. I think if you sat it on a saucer (one belonging to a teacup set), its legs would have gone over the sides. Mark my words, it was a big vicious thing (probably with sharp pointy fangs) and I have no idea where it went but after that I couldn't return to clearing out the shed.

Anyway, the spider in the OP in our bathroom has been safely and gently scooped up and gently popped outside. The whole garden is shaded now due to the time of evening. I ignored DP's pleas to squish the poor thing and instead he had me balancing on a step stool at 8 months pregnant trying to encourage the spid into a cup. For his desired brutality, whilst he was in our daughter's room, I said I was going to rescue said spider. Disappeared to the bathroom and uttered the words "O.... M.... G.... it's GONE and the majority of people on Mumsnet said it was venomous! What do we do???". He came running, panicked into the bathroom and took one look at the spider before proclaiming I should "rescue it with a shoe". He'd make a shit Buddhist.

Right, going to the laptop to dig out the flying tank photo. Back in a mo.

No I know YOU didn’t say it was a false widow.

i did, I said it. They live exactly like that. I’ve been bitten by one too, clearing pots in my shed. They do hurt. But it was my fault for disturbing her

Have a watch of Lucas the spider on YouTube.
it’s very cute

well done on rescuing it from the shoe of death!

Well done for rescuing it OP. I'm hoping the pp who said house spiders will be massive this year is wrong. Aren't they already in your house anyway? We had a big one in our garage living in a drain pipe. We have quite a few of those cellar spiders and a hunter cat so I'm hoping it's gone.

Here's the flying tank. Bear in mind it was about an inch long and sounded like a Chinook.

Deformis Fuckeratum Magnus

WTF! Thank fuck you weren't bitten by that monster. That could pierce a skull!

Looks like something they would find stuck in amber in Jurassic Park 😄

Does it only have four legs?!
it looks like it has Homer Simpson’s hair

Please tell me what chemicals you used... I currently have a house infested with false widows. I was catching one a day, then two a day but today I caught 4. All inside the house. It's so hard to sleep knowing they are running around.

It totally looks like a frog

tank insect please!!!!

Didn't see that comment before it was zapped. Should I be glad?

sorry I didn’t see it there - what a beast!!!!

God that's huge! It looks similar to the beast that stung my dd in Turkey but without the yellow stripes. They give a nasty sting when they're that size.

@EggbertHeartsTina Yes I thought it was a tiny frog.

Lol, IKR! I look at that pic every so often and think "WTAF was that thing?!". I doubt I'll ever find out now. I might send it to the Natural History Museum again, and maybe fire off messages to Sir David Attenborough and Chris Packham to ask what they think.

Pic of flying tank was taken about 19 years ago from memory. My dog was a puppy back then, and he died 3 years ago at nearly 16 so sounds about right.

OP's 'flying tank' looks either like a huuuge mosquito or a hornet of some kind. Hornets do make a hell of a racket.

I use Ardap from Amazon. It’s really not environmentally friendly! My husband went behind me clearing all the dead spiders up to make sure the birds didnt eat them. I would be careful with it if you have pets. It does work to prevent infestations though. I have only had a couple of very small false widows/any spiders inside since I started spraying all possible entrances every 6 weeks.

I would warn you that the first spray around your outside windows/doors may be horrific, it was like something out of the spider scene in Harty Potter!! I still have nightmares and it is probably a huge contributor to my new arachnophobia!

just flicking through a gardening for wildlife book and come across an aphid hunting wasp. It looks like your tank.