Does anyone else go over conversations they've had??!

[DoNutSweatTheSmallStuff]

Not sure if I've posted in the right place but I'm driving myself to distraction (literally) and just wondered if anyone was in the same position and/or had any tips to help me...

Bit weird to explain but basically I go over conversations I've had again and again in my head. She said, I said... Or did I say that? How did I come across? Could I have said something else? I wish I'd said this etc etc.
Often conversations where it could be discussing a sensitive or controversial topic but sometimes just any mundane chat!

I know I over think things and really worry about what people think of me/ how I come across etc. so I know it's linked to that. I also have OCD so think it is this too - to the obsession coming in going over the same conversations again and again and again.

I think about the other people in the conversation and how they wouldn't be giving it a second thought or probably won't even remember it / care! And I wish I was like that!

I like to think I'm an intelligent, rational person so why do I do this?? It's starting to affect my confidence, I start doubting myself, and it makes me sad that I'm doing it to myself. Plus it's a complete waste of time and energy!!

How do I stop? Thank you.

I do. It’s really annoying and frustrating. I have OCD and ADHD though so I think the combo of speaking without thinking and being prone to rumination fuels it.

I do it less with mundane chats where I know I didn’t say anything abrasive/thoughtless/controversial but I literally can’t sleep sometimes after nights out with people I know less well and with whom I may have been a bit loose-lipped.

I have no answers for you but you have my solidarity!

I do this. Also plan conversations in the mirror. I say this he says that what if he says the other. How do I look. Change my face to look happy.

im autistic though

I went through a faze of doing this and had to give myself a mental stop this nonsense now Veiola. I found lots of stuff on internet for calming the mental chatter, using the meditation stuff. Now & again I find myself dropping back into it but I know I can now get out of the loop. I find reading something helps too gives the brain something else to focus on. Even if it’s a cereal packet.😂

Thanks the replies - I guess I'm pleased it's not just me!!

Yeah of course! Loads of people do! You’re not alone.

It’s a type of over thinking. I used to do it. If it starts I fill my thoughts with what I doing, smelling, feeling, seeing and hearing at that moment (mindfulness) to break the thought. It takes practise but diverting your thoughts like this or with reading, radio or TV gets easier and more automatic if you keep at it.

Yes. I also prepare conversations in advance. I’m waiting for an ASD assessment so think it’s largely related to that.

I'm autistic and I do this. I'm not great at conversation as I'm slow to process so when it's my turn to talk I often say something 'filling' and vaguely related to the subject. Later I go over it and what I should have said; unfortunately it never comes to me at the time. If I'm doing something important I will explain I need extra time to process.

I do it as a way to decompress after a social interaction. Especially if it's a date or formal meeting where I have to work really hard to make small talk/maintain eye contact!

I'm not sure if it's always a bad thing. I do the same thing with songs or lines from TV. Social anxiety also plays a part as I worry how I cone across or if I've offended someone. I don't know what the cure is op but you are certainly not alone!

I do this too. Also diagnosed autistic.

a little

sometimes I lm totally fine then I think “god I must have been so annoying last year” and I can remember nights out, laughing and joking, but in my head I’m like “oh gosh I bet I said something really dumb. Did I allow anyone else to speak? Gosh that outfit yuk”

its so atrange
i never realised that until this thread

I was going over a conversation I had in 2001 earlier today. Well, it was a meeting, and I still cringe about something I did even today.

You have OCD? So this is part of the same issue. What treatment are you having?

Yes because I overshare hugely. I think I may have ADHD. I realised last week that in a 20 min appointment with my dentist is told him all about my DC, what my parents do for a living, my current work project, ambitions for the future, about my cat that had to be put down a few months ago and my preferred online shopping retailer AND I had to have my mouth open for most of it. Cringeworthy.

All day every day 🙄😢

Yes, I think I've always done it to a certain extent but got worse over the last couple of years. I wonder if I'm heading into peri menopause and increased anxiety has made it worse.

I do yes. I'm very shy and self-conscious and always worry about how I come across.

Yep... every damn time 🥺

Yes, I realised I had some ‘issues’ and sought counselling. Much better now, it still happens but to a much lesser extent

Yes, and I reread my sent emails a lot too. What I've realised though is very few people remember conversations in the same detail that I do (the people on this thread are probably the few I'm talking about!) so now I just tell myself they'll forget about it anyway and that stops me worrying.

Constantly. It's like the words of my part in a conversation hang in the air and if I repeat them in my head enough they fade away but if I don't they stay there and repeat themselves to me with added criticism from myself...yeah I know that doesn't make sense. I'm autistic if that makes a difference.

I do thus quite a lot. And I rehearse conversations as well, especially if I am going to tell an anecdote as well. I often repeat myself while talking as well, then berate myself afterwards for repeating myself.

I'm NT as far as I know.

Yes. Was one of the key criteria used when I was diagnosed with high functioning anxiety.

Yes, I do this. I can be a terrible ruminator, agonise about whether I said/did the wrong thing. I plan conversations by muttering to myself and relive conversations quite frequently. I think it’s a form of social anxiety, I don’t believe it’s ‘normal’. I have a child diagnosed with ASD and I suspect I am not 100% neurotypical.

Me too. I always feel as though I've made an utter arse of myself, even with close family and friends, and cringe at some of the stupid things I've said. If I come home late after a conversation with someone, I can't go to bed. I need to allow myself to go over everything in my head just so that I can sleep - not in a deliberate, analytical way, more in the sense of churning it over in the background while I tidy up or look at the internet.