Perimenopause is the root of all evil?

[Mushroo]

I’ll preface by saying im 30 and have embarrassingly little knowledge of menopause. However, on here perimenopause it blamed for absolutely everything. I’ve seen it being the cause of:
tiredness
not being bothered about work anymore
sore feet
wrinkles
long periods
short periods
no periods
not giving a shit about peoples opinions
not wanting to socialise
not liking men
discovering you are a lesbian
not liking teenagers
not liking loud restaurants
not liking music
listlessness
depression
anxiety
chin hair
grey pubes
gaining weight
losing weight
a tendency to procrastinate
no tolerance for alcohol

Is it really that bad?! On here it seems
to be the answer to every problem / change imaginable!!

(Somewhat lighthearted!)

This is my H, too.

I found it all a relief, tbh.

This thread is somewhat terrifying. Apologies to anyone I’ve offended - the ‘somewhat lighthearted’ reference was that I’ve just pulled a list from Mumsnet posts rather than research -
it wasn’t intended to minimise the symptoms.

Honestly, there should be a course or something. If I hadn’t been on Mumsnet, I honestly don’t think I’d have even heard the phrase, and if I did a straw poll of my friends it would be the same, other than a very vague understanding (and we’re all female, educated professionals who should know!).

it’s crazy how it isn’t well understood or indeed talked about.

I’ve seen it being the cause of:

tiredness no more then usual
not being bothered about work anymore not true for me
sore feet nope
wrinkles that happens with age anyway
long periods not for me
short periods not for me
no periods yes, eventually
not giving a shit about peoples opinions not true for me
not wanting to socialise not true for me
not liking men not true for me
discovering you are a lesbian , so not true for me
not liking teenagers who does?
not liking loud restaurants I have never liked loud restaurants
not liking music not true for me
listlessness not true for me
depression didn’t happen to me, fortunately
anxiety didn’t happen to me, fortunately
chin hair yes
grey pubes that happens with age anyway
gaining weight sadly, yes
losing weight I wish
a tendency to procrastinate not true for me
no tolerance for alcohol not true for me

Can I add the caveat that I have been lucky, and not all women sail through the menopause with the occasional power surge like I did. My main problem was migraines. I suffered from frequent migraines while going through it, but that is behind me now.

The 38 and 51 day periods were horrific and left me badly anaemic, luckily the progesterone has stopped me bleeding again.

My main symptom apart from abnormal bleeding was crippling anxiety. I was so anxious I had days where I couldn't even leave the house to go into the garden.

I agree we need some good educational info about perimenopause, I didn't have a clue what it was when my GP suggested it to be a possibility. I knew that one day my periods would stop and I might get hot flushes but I had no idea there was an in-between bit where your hormones go crazy.

@forlornlorna1 and I have had the reverse. All the flares I had pre MS diagnosis were put down to tiredness from being a mum and post diagnosis all the menopause and MS symptoms are the same so I've had to find someone other than the neurologist to listen.

I think the point about correlation vs causation is a good one.

If you survey a group of people of any age and sex many will say yes, in the list 5-10 years I've had bouts of tiredness, irritability, insomnia, weight gain, aches and pains, anxiety etc. For women in their 40's, peri is a possible explanation for those things but I'm not convinced it's the root cause of everything unpleasant that happens to our minds and bodies.

With some trepidation, and only to help reassure the OP and any other younger women reading, I'm 50 and have had pretty horrible periods for the last 10 years, with migraine, but don't feel like peri is having much effect on the rest of my life.

Look, don't panic. This thread title is bound to attract those of us having a shit time with peri/menopause.

Some people don't have problems. It would be nice if they didn't act like the rest of us were making it up, but it's always that way isn't it? Some women sail through pregnancy and scoff at others struggling('you're pregnant not sick'), and some end up in hospital the whole time (most are somewhere in the middle!).

Some people have a shit time (and it can start late 50s so the 50/52 year olds not yet getting symptoms might want to hold off on the smugness....).

For me it started at 41, and it wasn't just 'getting a bit older and grumpier and giving less fucks'. Quite suddenly put of nowhere - I felt awful all the time insomnia, bone crushing tiredness, feeling really 'emotional' (easily crying over nothing), feeling angry/stressed/anxious etc. It was like hitting a wall and I literally couldn't carry on with my life as before. (Also had decreased heavy periods and hot flushes which is how I knew what it was, but those symptoms were minor for me).

If you take the full list of peri symptoms into a workplace and ask everyone to tick off those they have you will probably diagnose almost everyone with it, including the men! This is one of the biggest problems that the symptoms are often a bit vague (in the is it peri or something else kind of way) and can range from trivial to hideous
That said, I suspect more women get through it largely unscathed than we realise as current media seem determined to portray only the horror stories

Peri menopause has been a devastating experience for me, made worse by the complete lack of support and understanding from others.
We take such care to prepare and help kids through puberty. But peri and menopausal woman just become the butt of people's jokes.
You probably see it on here as the answer to a lot of issues because a lot of women are on here desperately searching for peer support.

It’s shit

I'm 52 and haven't had too bad a time with perimenopause, I don't have hot flushes, my periods have always been light and have continued to be, I sleep really well and I've never had a chin hair!
I am, however, ridiculously emotional and cry at the drop of a hat.

I feel a bit the same there are some upsides

I feel released from some background noise re babies and other people about me as a woman

Symptom wise no chin hairs and periods still the same, increased annoyance is the thing I got (so far) but I’m sorting it.

When I was young/er I always got a sort of paranoia/anxiety in the few days before my period. As my cycle was regular I'd just note it in my diary and plan around it, go to ground for that few days. For the last several years my periods have been really far apart and I haven't had that anxiety. Now bizarrely in the last 7 weeks I've had 3 periods and I've spent the whole of the last 6 days thinking my team at work hate me. Nothing's changed at work and I'm well respected and get a lot of positive feedback. I hate this so much. I think it's partly why I never went for more senior or more specialist roles like my age mates / peers. I even dreamed this theme last night. I can't wait to leave this behind.

For me personally

Negatives:
tiredness
sore feet
chin hair
heavy, painful periods (but they always have been)
brain fog, listlessness

Positives:
not giving a shit about peoples opinions
not wanting to socialise (with dickheads I should never have tolerated before)
not tolerating misogynistic men

I find the positives very liberating and the negatives just need a bit of management and care.

I'm 35 and perimenopasal. It's horrible. I'm not in a position financially to have a family right now so coming to terms with the fact it will never happen for me. Whilst also dealing with absolute roller coaster of mood swings, emotions, agonising joint pain, and inability to concentrate on anything, or really care about anything. Most of my free time is spent lying down in a cool, dark room listening to the radio/podcasts. I don't have the capacity or energy for anything else, it takes all the energy I can muster to hold down my job. I'm surprised my partner is still with me to be honest. He's two years older than me and still handsome, full of life and energy, while I'm a bloated, balding, exhausted, moody mess.

I used to be really into hiking, cycling long distances, running and travelling. Pretty sociable too. I don't have the energy or enthusiasm for any of it anymore.

I feel like my life is over when it's only really just begun. It could happen to you too OP, any time, so please have some compassion.

Megapops, that sounds awful and also quite unusual. Have you been to a doctor, is it definitely peri and nothing else? It sounds extreme. Hope you get the medical help you need.

The difference between women in peri is huge. I've been really struggling but it turns out I have adhd and the lower oestrogen has an impact on dopamine. It made me feel like I was going mad.

The positives are: I finally went for diagnosis and am retraining career-wise. I'm about to start hrt mainly for controlling adhd symptoms!

So it's a change but not all change is bad. It's a transition time and what we make of those times are affected hugely by our life situation and the society we live in.

It's hard here because we live in a porn-soaked culture that devalues women over 40 and our health service is destroyed BUT we also have a degree of freedom that many women don't have all over the world. So, reinvention is possible!

Oh god the itchy skin is currently driving me crazy! And the brain fog, and the flooding.

Oh it's such fun!!

Op, at least menopause and peri menopause are now being talked about openly. And you will know what type of things are considered as possible symptoms. Knowledge is power and there might come a time you are happy that you are aware of the different kind of symptoms some women experience.

It can be a really frightening time if you don't understand what's happening.

It's true that the symptoms can be symptoms for lots of other things too. That's why we tend to waste a few years going back and forth to the dr, who tries to treat each thing separately and then eventually one of us has a lightbulb moment and it occurs to us that these symptoms might be connected!

I had several ecg, omeprazole for indigestion/bloating, pills for vertigo, thought I had repetitive strain injury in some joints, the dr questioned whether I had depression at one point.
Anyway blood tests showed I was in peri, so gave me HRT. It seems to have cleared up the palpitations, joint pain, vertigo and bloating. I also feel less stressed, which as I said earlier, I didn't know I was feeling until the feeling stopped!
But it is true that those symptoms could be indicative of any number of other things going on too.

I wonder if men's hormones dip with age. Okay, they don't have the menopause as such, but possibly they could do with hormone checks too.

Yup, you've mostly got it covered. It's a real thing, wait till you get there yourself, it's shit.

If someone could tell me the magic formula for loosing all the weight I have put on for this. Then please!!!! Tell!!!!! Me!!!!!!

Why are you researching menopause at 30? You should be out shagging as many men as you want to and living life to the full. (Light hearted)

Hopefully, the situation will improve for most younger women by the time they get to this age, as knowledge, understanding, medicine improves.

For me, peri was a number of years of awfulness as I didn't know what was happening. There are a multitude of symptoms of peri/meno that I didn't not know about. I thought it was all hot flushes and bad mood, I had a constant crippling pressure headache, heart palpitations, rage, sleeplessness, waking 4 times a night to urinate. I thought I had a terrible life threatening illness and was convinced I was going to have a stroke or heart attack. I was awful to my family. I wasn't 'me' anymore. And when I did start HRT and most of the symptoms vanished within days/weeks/months, it did feel like a miracle.

Imagine a world where women are prepared for the symptoms, taken seriously by the medical profession and treated quickly, safely and efficiently for a simple lack of hormone, rather than spend years thinking they're going mad, seriously ill, or misdiagnosed and given ADs.

I am finding it fooking terrible so far to be honest - I am 43 and can tick off 13 on your list. Worst is the terrible doom mongering anxiety. Can add lots more to your list including rage, insomnia, aches and pains. It really is no joke and shouldn't be minimised. If this shit was happening to men it wouldn't be seen as funny!

you say you're embarrassed by your ignorance OP
You should be
what an unpleasant but oh so tinkly laugh lighthearted thread