I’m about to give my child their first phone: what do I need to know!

[ThePenIsBlue]

About to give my 11 year old his first phone. It’s an old iPhone 6, I think I’ve set it all up. I’ve set up family sharing so I can set a time for the phone to work in the morning and a time for it to switch off. Beyond that, myself and my husband are both clueless about what we need to know. Is there any way I can block certain internet sites for his phone? Are there any apps we should both get so I can see his useage from my phone? Any useful info or things you wish you’d done please pass
my way!

thank you

Totally disagree with boys will be boys. The type of porn easily accessible on the internet nowadays is very different to any soft porn magazines or films we might have seen growing up. Children/teens are getting very wrong ideas about what the human body should look like (especially genitals) and what sex should be like.

I went to an internet warning talk for parents of year 6-8. It was really interesting.

Things that stuck out:
a) children know how to get around parental controls (apparently factory reset is popular)
b) some apps hide behind innocent sounding logos/names
c) some apps have a panic button where the screen quickly changes to something that looks innocent
d) the average age of children being exposed to porn for the first time is 10
e) it doesnt matter how careful you are, other children can show your child images
F) you did to know how to react when your DC is inevitably exposed to something upsetting (porn or otherwise). Don't just be preventive. Also be prepared for when (not if) they see somethig

Oh and we were invited to go look at easily accessible sites like pornhub. So i did. All you need to do is click to say you are above 18 and you can see some very very graphic images.

@InvincibleInvisibility

Oh please I grew up in the 80’s and saw porn videos of a gang bang as a kid with all kinds of gross stuff. Kids as teens or 11/12 just laugh that stuff off and are grossed out or whatever by it. It traumatised very few kids that’s just a point to beat up on sites like this.

e) it doesnt matter how careful you are, other children can show your child images

This is a really important point for when they go to high school if not before. Although setting boundaries, using tech to block undesirable stuff, and physically checking when their doing are all really important, there will be some kid in the class whose parents have done none of this, and who freely shares all of the worst of the internet with their peers looking over their shoulder.

So regardless of how well you've locked down your kid's phone, you need to have a chat about porn, violent imagery etc.

@treesandrocks I wish your DD all the best.

to add to PPs bulletpointed list of conditions:

5: Find My Friends always on

6: Always in a case with a screen protector

7: contribution to insurance for it? (Even if just peppercorn amount to understand valuable things need to be looked after / protected)

As long as only very few children were traumatised, that's alright...

I also have Family Link. It means they can’t access social media, inappropriate sites, I can set times when they’re allowed to use the phone and times when they’re not.

If you’re going to restrict using your home Wi-Fi then also do it on the phone else you’ll find as pp has that they can still access stuff like that elsewhere.

family link is also good in that I can give allowance for some apps that would normally be blocked. My boys are 13 now and could have my access removed - thus far they are happy for me to continue to monitor.

seconding the idea to have the rules written as a ‘contract’ out first - I’m planning on doing this when the time comes.

get your child to write the first draft of the contract - see what they add to the list. Might be insightful! Stuff they know their peers do/access that isn’t appropriate!

WhatsApp now has a feature which allows ‘one time only’ feature for pictures (but like snap chat I think).
What’s app is 16 so I don’t allow my 12 year old to have it.

some good rules on here. We have:
no phones upstairs.
I can look at their phone whenever I like ( I do check messages and history regularly)
screen time setting and limits set on certain apps.
needs permission to download apps
all purchasing features stopped
no double screening eg sitting watching tv on a phone
silent notifications so the minute a message comes though, they don’t run to answer it.
clear understanding of consequences if the rules aren’t stuck to

as parents, we model good phone behaviour eg no phones at the dinner table, whilst having family time, watching tv etc

I don't care if you weren't traumatised watching a gang bang in the 80s. It wasn't like you had access to it 24/7 on your phone like kids do now.

And I don't find it normal for 12 year old girls to ask if it's true that the first time they have sex they have to do "all the holes"

The impact of the internet on teen and young adults view of sex is well studied and documented

@InvincibleInvisibility

I really don’t think it’s a big deal, kids have always known about all kinds and it’s not like kids are having sex earlier. I think those studies are probably done by people with an agenda looking to prove a preconceived point. Kids are the same as they’ve ever been and internet porn has been round for 25 years and before that everyone had at least seen some vhs porn that was more than mills and boon romance. Whatevs.

I think that’s an extraordinarily naïve and dismissive attitude to have.

Get in now with the rules so he will always abide by them, make sure it also has a timer on it so he can't use it more than X time a day.

Get these rules in now so they become his normal esp giving it to you by the end of the day
.