Struggling with parents

[LaPerduta]

I'm not sure exactly what I'm hoping for from posting this - maybe just to share experiences.

I have, ostensibly, a good relationship with both my parents; I talk to them often and spend quite a lot of time with them (generally in chunks as they live quite a distance away). They are generally supportive and interested in my life, without being interfering.

However I feel very emotionally disconnected from them at present. I am finding them annoying and hypocritical, and I bear resentment for things that happened to me as a child and young adult.

It would be unfair and inaccurate to paint them as abusive, so I don't mean to give that impression, but I can look back and see many times when my needs were ignored in all sorts of small ways, and my current anger stems from the fact that I suspect the low self-esteem I suffer from is directly connected to this.

In addition they are becoming elderly and increasingly reliant for help with certain things. I am finding it hard to be as patient as I should be, which then makes me feel guilty!

It's probably relevant that I am long-term single and childless and my (two) siblings are both married with children.

I probably need to see a therapist...

But where does that cycle stop and personal responsibility kick in?

My father was an angry, emotionally-abusive alcoholic growing up, and although my mum was loving, she was often scared of him and never stood up to him/protected us.

I am trying so hard to not be like either of my parents and I hope (in the main) I am doing a better job and putting the needs of my DC first.

I am trying so hard to not be like either of my parents and I hope (in the main) I am doing a better job and putting the needs of my DC first.

That is so admirable and not everyone puts in so much effort with their children, but the OP honestly says that she didn't suffer any abuse, just some things her parents did affected her negatively.

I don't believe there are perfect parents, we all fail our children in some way, though most of us try our best.

Just wanted to say thank you again for people's thoughts. I really didn't want to go back to therapy, having done a lot of it in the past, perhaps it's going to be necessary.