I have lost myself, but I'm slowly being found

[Duckface123]

Hi Everyone, Recently I have come to see that I have truly lost myself and who i really am. This hit me like a train a couple of months ago when out with friends....I sat with them having a perfectly good time when I just realised that outside of this group of people I really don't have any other friends or intersts in my life, where as each one of the people have different friends and intersts away from the group. I lost touch with college friends and friends I made prior to my husband, when I met him it was like I have a boyfriend now I don't need my friends. A very big mistake to make
Let me explain a bit I met my husband over 20 years ago we are very happily married with children and a good life, but when we got together and over many many years I just focused on my marriage and home and this group of friends....slowly losing sight of me and not spreading my wings and finding other interests... i forgot who I was, I focused all my time on the one frienship group we would meet up every now and then but not all the time. I never did anything for myself and this has over the years slowly etched away at my confidence and self esteem I have alway thought, what do I bring to a friend or why would anyone want to be friends with me? I have nothing to give😔 I know i need to change my mentality. I am doing alot of reflecting on myself and am slowly beginning to see snippets of myself come back. I'm looking to do something just for me with the hope that I will get to meet new people and experience different things, although its hard where I live, its a small town... Can anyone else relate, I'm also just writing it down just so I can move forward if you see what I mean.

I have no friends, my friends were my school mates/work mates, and when I’ve moved on they were left behind.
I was a SAHM and thought I would meet similar women, but everyone else went back to work after mat leave, and toddler groups were full of childminders and grandparents. So I didn’t go.
Then my time was taken up with kids, DH worked away so I spent all his days off with him, and never seemed to meet anyone who was a real friend.
Even now I enjoy my work mates company, but I only see them out of work on work do’s. I’ve accepted that it’s just who I am.

I really recommend therapy. I had been 'losing myself' for a few years and it helped me not only know myself again but know myself better.

Well it’s a great opportunity to join some clubs, try new things, search within yourself and have some fun! In fact you should make it your mission! Go for ut!

This is so sad but it's the reality - most people do actually go back to work because they have to financially but even if they don't have to for money I don't think being a SAHM is a particularly great idea - it's human to want adult company and socialise and out of all my friends all of us work, some part time and some full time we just aren't sitting round talking kids and babies sort of people.

I'd say get a little job or do a college course or even volunteer for A charity and widen your circle because it's not nice to think of people being lonely.

I relate to this so much although, to my horror, I feel like I lost myself much more quickly (although things are much better now).

Became a SAHM (supposedly freelancing remotely but it just never really happened consistently) when DC were born. Eight years on I realised I had no friends other than family friends but had exactly the same feelings about school/nursery parents/guardians.

I ended up putting on a lot of weight, generally feeling shit about myself and suddenly had this realisation one day when talking to DH when he got in from work that he had loads of anecdotes to tell me at the end of the day and I had... involved and uninteresting conversations about minutiae of the DC and things I read on Twitter or Mumsnet.

Actually trying to do something about my weight/feeling down was what shifted it. I started doing yoga on an app at home, fell in love with it, lost six stone (over about 18 months) and then started training to teach it. It's opened up so many new things for me and just made me happier and more me again.

I'm so glad you're feeling brighter and coming through it @Duckface123 - it's just such a weird and awful feeling.

Thank you everyone for your replies, it is sad that there are a few of us who feel the same way. @SquirrelSoShiny going to therapy sounds good and maybe that is something I will consider.

I do work and get on great with my work colleagues but we wouldn't really socialise outside of work. Our work place is remote and we all live in different towns or cities. Outwardly I think people would see me as chatty friendly sort of person, but inwardly I'm very unsure . Im lucky that my kids are getting older now so i have the time to find myself again.
@KangarooKenny would you like to meet some new people?
@Theoneinthemiddle thank you for your positve reply 😊
@lastminutedotcom22 that's what I'm looking for a club or something to join, trouble is I'm struggling to figure out what i might enjoy🤣
@OhThatChicken fair play to you, you sound like you have turned it around and are doing great, well done.

I lost myself completely in my 20s. I had a job I didn’t care about, and had no friends at the workplace. I didn’t know anyone in the city I moved too.
I joined a few groups but made no friends at all, I had some polite, friendly meetings but that was it.
I would go to work. I would come home. On Saturday night I would go out with DH sometimes.
He had lots of friends and I was friendly with them, but they weren’t my friends.
I’m now in my 40s and have a job I love. I have hobbies that I love and I have made friends at both. We moved and I also love where I live now. I’m still with DH but I’m so much happier, like a different person.